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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Separation Anxiety- how long will it go on for!

12 replies

BibBabBob · 11/04/2006 20:54

My DS is 9 months old and going through a phase of not wanting to be put down at all- if we're lucky we get about 5 mins of play out of him. The rest of the time he clings tightly to our necks and refuses to let go under any circumstances. the only real relief we get is bath times, which he seems to absolutely love. Last night he was in the bath for about 40 mins!!!!I'm sure part of problem is that he's frustrated with not being mobile but wondered what other people's experiences are?

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dreamteamgirl · 11/04/2006 22:15

Hiya
The bad news is it lasts anything upto till 18 months, but the good news is that, if you keep giving her loads of positive attention, and making her feel secure then it does get better.

Dont sneak off, and always tell him where you are going and what you are doing and how long you will be and stick to it, and if you are going to be longer than 2 or 3 minutes keep popping back in and out and giving him a hug or a hello, love you.

Is there anyway of getting him more mobile with a walker or anything or is he not up to that yet?

I used to take Sam to the loo with me and to the kitchen to make a cuppa when he was in a particulaly bad phase

Sam improved when he got crawling at 10 months and walking at 11, but he still has his moments now!

HTH

Racers · 11/04/2006 22:20

I also remember an episode of "mum's the word" where the mum was advised to leave something with the child which he associated with her (she used a mobile phone) - although your DS is probably too young for this, it is worth bearing in mind for future, if this continues. You could also 'prime' a safe object now, for this reason -- oo yes, mummy always keeps this muslin square with her, but you can have it while I'm gone! You never know your luck

ShaysMummy · 11/04/2006 22:21

My DS is the same age and is not as bad as yours....yet. I find mine bad enough- I sympathise, it's quite frustrating. It is sweet at the start....
I can't get much done at home and he is too big for his sling now.
He lets me go if my mum comes round, he can cling to her for a bit. But only for a little while then he wants me back.
My son is not mobile either. I dont know if he will ever crawl as he never spends any playtime on his tummy- he hates it and it frustrates him more.
Apparently, once they can move to follow they let go of you. My baby walker is keeping me sane atm but, some days, this is not good enough for him either. It has to be me.
Some days are better than others.
:)

bobblehead · 12/04/2006 00:28

Yes they move to follow you around the house crying at tugging at your trouser legs

Cristina7 · 12/04/2006 07:16

DD went through this for about 4 months, DS for less.

chocolatemummy · 13/04/2006 11:09

I had a terrible time with this, my daughter was about 10 months when it started and it went on everytime I left her for about 5 months, it even started to happen when I left her with daddy.

She would scream and get herself into such a state I felt like the worst mother in the world going to work.
BUT, she got better and is now an extremely confident toddler. She is very demanding of my attention but doesn't mind and runs off to nursery and the childminder, she is 29 months now

blueshoes · 13/04/2006 11:58

Hmmm, dd's separation anxiety started at 5 months. She would not be carried or held by anyone other than me. She would not be put down fullstop. It got slightly better at 9 months (she allowed herself to be held by grandma for 30 mins). I think by 18 months, dd wouldn't mind if I was in the room with her or not, so long as some familiar adult was in with her. To this day (2.5 years), she will not play by herself unless there is someone in the room with her. If they leave, she will come looking within minutes.

More than a phase, it is just her nature. Still waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.

brian2 · 13/04/2006 12:17

think your right that to some extent that it could be in the child's nature....
my ds (nearly 11 months now) started getting ridiculously clingy at a bout six months... would even proteste if his dad was holding him and would'nt even look at his grand perants for a short time! that said he had an awful winter with chest inf, virus's and teething pain so that might have contributed.
now he is better but not great. He was crawling at seven months and whilst it helps a bit it does also mean he just follows me atound every where now instead of being carried! He is now as happy with his dad as he is me, will be with his grand perants if i am about quite happily and will play for hours on the floor as long as i play with him.
Guess he justs like company! good luck with yours.... i found the high chair in the kitchen my best asset as he could be with me whilst i got on with stuff.

Original poster

BibBabBob · 13/04/2006 19:55

thanks everyone. looks like we've got to go with it for a while. he has good days and bad and now i'm back at work i feel like lots of cuddles too. in fact sometimes i wonder if we're the cause of the anxiety as we both indulge in lots of cuddling anyway- i suppose its not fair on him that we're the ones that want to dictate the terms of the cuddles!!

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tribpot · 13/04/2006 20:04

I wondered if my 'failure' to put ds into nursery was making it worse, but I found out from my SIL that hers were exactly the same, despite being in nursery for 50 hours a week by the age of my ds (10 months).

In the last few days he's had the occasional strop in favour of his daddy, which is good, as his daddy never goes anywhere so we can resolve that. But I have found he is a lot less clingy in the mornings, when he's rested, and weirdly, after I have left the house he is more than happy to wave to me through the window, despite having created mayhem about me leaving the room.

He is very slightly better now he's mobile, but in honesty I would not hope for that as the magic cure!

mogwai · 13/04/2006 21:52

symapthies! We're going through this with our 9 month old, who's had a phase of not wanting to be in her cot at all.

We did controlled crying for that and it's working.

Seems to be dependent on the context as well. She is ok to be left in the kitchen, or if I'm loading the car and I'm popping in and out of the house while she's in the car seat. Today I sat her where she could watch me doing some gardening and she got very fretful if I was out of sight even for a moment.

I think it's just a case of lots of reassurance and security and they'll come through it soon enough

LIZS · 18/04/2006 18:23

dd was clingy from 5 months until ....over 2 when she started playgroup. In fact it peaked at around 18/20 months. Rarely had a problem at night or naps but she had to be by my side or within near sight of me all day which was pretty wearing. Even after 2 she needed me close by unless she was at playgroup or with someone she knew really well. Before anyone thinks she was just attention seeking she would get genuinely distressed to the point of being unable to catch her breath and noone would tolerate looking after her in that state.

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