we were supposed to be going to a xmas craft evening. when i went upstair to get changed i heart a yelp from DS2 (3) and then crying like he was in pain. i ran downstairs and ds1 (7) was sitting innocently on his chair holding ds2's cat. through the tears ds2 said that ds1 kicked him in his privates when he tried to get his cat from him. i asked ds1. he said he didn't. so i asked him how ds2 had hurt himself (he was obviously in pain) and ds1 admitted that he had kicked him. i said "fine, we're not going to xmas crafts tonight because of that". he started crying, saying it was an accident, begging for a second chance. i said no, he should never be kicking anyone and that he deserved to have consequences. he started shouting that i was a bitch (this is a recurring thing but hasn't happened in months since we moved away from the area we used to live) so i sent him to his room. as he was going up the stairs he turned and gave me the middle finger (again, recurring thing) and called me a fucking dick. he then went into his room and has been alternating between slamming the door again and again, and trhowing things about the room and opening the door to call me swearwords before slamming the door again. thsi has been for coming up to 10 minutes. he is still banging something now.
i'm ignoring it. but is that the right thing to do? slamming a door and throwing things are completely unacceptable IMO but he does this whenever i issue a consequence. if he threw something in an isolated incident i would consider that worthy of a consequence in itself but there is so much of it happening during each tantrum. do i ignore it because he is doing it for a reaction or should he be made to face the consequences of it. it's destructive! that isn't acceptable but i feel as though ignoring his reaction to being given a consequence i am permitting this behaviour. i want him to feel that destroying his room and part of our house is the least appealing option for him when he has been told off. also, i dont feel i have any respect from him (surprise surprise). the swearing and name calling is unacceptable, but again, do i issue another consequence for that or ignore it because he wants a reaction? i'm completely lost TBH.