First of all - apologies for the essay...
Our daughter is 13 months old. Sleep has always been an issue. When she was young, she always fed to sleep, without much of a pattern. She had never really gone to sleep without one of us stroking/singing/rocking. She'd often wake after half an hour of being put in her cot, and then have frequent wakes throughout the night. Sometimes we could get her back to sleep after half an hour of reassurance and more stroking/singing/rocking, but often her distress would escalate to a pitch where only breast-feeding would calm her. We're pretty certain that she hasn't needed the breast due to hunger for several months, and that it's a comfort thing. In her first year, I think she slept through (until 6am approx) half a dozen times, but there seemed no rhyme or reason. Often in the day-time she was very tired also - though ultimately happy and sociable. We established a relatively successful morning nap approximately 2-3 hours after waking and up to an hour and a half long, and an afternoon nap after 2pm, which tended to be only half an hour, and was often trickier, in that she wouldn't settle down. However, by dinner time every day she was exhausted and looked it.
With my wife going back to work part-time and our daughter going to nursery, we decided to enlist the help of a sleep specialist, who gave us lots of good tips on managing our levels of interaction to distress, teaching our daughter that the cot is a safe and happy environment, and trying teach our daughter to settle herself. We saw moderate success but quickly regressed.
Our situation reached a desperate place where our daughter would settle fine at 7pm in her cot, but wake after 20 mins. After comforting her back to sleep (which might take more than half an hour, she'd sleep for another 20 mins. Repeat four or five times, by which time we were ready to go to bed. My wife and I would then sleep separately, one of us in bed with our daugher, the other in the spare room to get some sleep. With me, our daughter would settle relatively quickly, but have a restless night of waking and sitting up and crying. With my wife, she would nurse incessantly and then still get upset that she could not sleep.
In the end, both of us were so sleep-deprived we couldn't function properly. We hadn't had an evening together for weeks, and our lives were spent talking about and lamenting the situation. Our daughter was more tired than ever - though still, I should say, happy for the majority of the day-time. We were starting to worry about her development though - we've read lots of things saying that a baby needs to be well-rested for healthy physical and pschological development.
So two days ago we cracked and tried controlled crying. My wife went to stay in a hotel the first, for her sanity and so that there would be no temptation to crack. I used the method where I soothed our daughter for 2 mins, then left the room for increasing increments (max 10 minutes). Our daughter repeatedly sat up, and cried out, but I just kept turning her over and reassuring her it was time to sleep. It took two hours the first night, but she woke approximately every hour after that. Sometimes she settled herself (which is v. rare for her), sometimes I went in and soothed her/turned her over, and left (though in those cases she subsequently settled herself).
The second night she was asleep in 35 minutes, and slept until mindnight. After that I went in a couple of times when she woke, but it was more to check she hadn't been sick (she's had a cough for quite a while and occasionally brings up food and milk).
So in a way, progress has been made, and I'm expecting it to be 'better' (ie, quicker/less disruptive) tonight.
However, in the mornings she has been very whiny and clingy. I think I understand why - after all, there's been a profound change in our previous relationship and level of attachment at night-time. I suppose I just want reassurance that we're not doing her lasting damage by controlled crying and that this period of unhappiness in the morning will pass. On setting out with CC, the most important thing for my wife and I was getting a healthy amount of sleep (for all three of us), but seeing the change in our daughter's day-time behaviour makes me more concerned. For so long, we essentially, and by instinct, followed an 'attachment parenting' method.
Does anyone have any similar experiences? Thanks for responding...