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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help please! 2 yr old pulling hair, hitting, screaming - 3 yr old constantly whinging and i'm cracking up.

15 replies

longwaytogo · 11/04/2006 10:43

Please someone tell me how to deal with this. 2yr old boy has hit terrible two's with avengence, he is constantly pulling 3yr old dd hair, hitting her if he can't get his own way.

3yr dd is constantly whinging as she wants whatever he's got and when she tries to take it he hammers her.

They are driving me to insanity to the point I don't want to getr out of bed in the morning.

Every time I look round ds is either in the shower cubicle or the bath or emptiying something all over the floor, or turning telly, sky box, video on and off.

Someone help pleeeeaasssssssse

OP posts:

Original poster

longwaytogo · 11/04/2006 11:35

no one talking to me

OP posts:

ItalianJob · 11/04/2006 11:36

get them out of the house as much as possible - park/library etc, as when your 2 old is stuffed in his buggy, he will be more manageable or at least won't be trashing your house?

coppertop · 11/04/2006 11:38

No real advice but lots of sympathy. My 2 are 3yrs and 5yrs and are driving me up the wall with similar behaviour.

Good luck. xx

Original poster

longwaytogo · 11/04/2006 11:43

Getting out the house only takes a certain amount of time though and as soon as we get back in they are twice as bad.

Not a clue where the washing machine is up to i looked and it had eight mins to go now it has 56 lord knows how far through the cycle it has been at any one time

OP posts:

ChicPea · 11/04/2006 12:19

Longway, I have a DD3.5, DS 2.5. DD always wants what DS has, snatches it consantly and DS cries. I have to intervene. DS very calm and placid and DD not, DS gets to the point where instead of crying he slaps her in the face (I don't blame him) and when really aggrivated, I hear DD screaming as he has a fistful of her hair and won't let go!!! DH and I giggle when he does this but not so that they can see us. Anyway, you just have to be patient and reinforce what you are trying to teach. Distraction is always good to do and when you have a moment to sit down and do something with them, all will be calm. I know that it is difficult and very trying at times but completely normal. Everyone has to go through this, its called parenting.

milward · 11/04/2006 12:21

This is what my dd3 (age 2yrs ) does to my dd2 who's 5 - drives me mad - anything I do or say doesn't work. Gets me down & just takes all my energy. Thinking of you longwaytogo xxx

ChicPea · 11/04/2006 12:22

When I hear both children whining, I have to take deep breaths as the noise really gets to me. I can't think about anything else, even as I am washing/tidying up, with that noise even something so basic is difficult. So I start singing so they stop whining and join in or I say "who can be the quietest in the room?" just to humour them. It's not easy though. Sometimes I say "I'm starting to get a headache....."

MrsBigD · 11/04/2006 12:35

longwaytogo I feel for you

my dd is 4.5y and my ds 19m and not too long ago we had a very bad phase of 'I want what he/she has'... equally bad from both sides... ds is a relatively well tempered little sole, but when he wants something he WANTS it. As he's heavier than his sister it's sometimes quite funny to watch them wrangling. DS just sits on her if he's had enough.

How we dealt/deal with the constant winging/fighting etc.

At first I got really upset and intervene left right & centre which was driving me absolutely bonkers as I couldn't get anything done without being disturbed by one or both of them crying/winging etc. and it didn't really make any difference. DD is old enough to understand explanations and punishment, but ds isn't quite old enough.

Next approach was to have 'spares' at the ready, i.e. distraction tactics. If dd had a water squirter I dug one out for ds etc. But then of course we go the 'he's got the blue one, I want the blue one!' Which was o.k. because ds doesn't care what colour as long as he can chew on it.

Next step was ignoring bad behaviour (but making sure obviously e.g. dd wasn't using ds as a trampoline) and encouraging good behaviour, i.e. nicely playing with each other - shamelessly using sweeties, TV etc. as bribes.

We thought we had a breakthrough when ds was ill with chickenpox... I told dd to let him play with xyz as he's poorly. And would you believe it? She did.

And just recently we've done a 180 deg turn and it's gone all downhill again. Only 2 days ago dd slammed ds against a door head first and yesterday ds wacked dd as she kept toppling him over... and he's got a good left hook!

So you see, you are not alone. Not very comforting I know but maybe it helps you to come to grips with your lo's being in the 'destructive/violent' phase.

One thing I do if I can't take it anymore is I just leave the room for a lot of deep breathing (only of course if I know they haven't got anything within reach to seriously injure each other). DH simply grabs a can of beer

Original poster

longwaytogo · 11/04/2006 12:58

Thanks to all of you. I know i'm not alone, and think this is more about my frame of mind than anything else. DD on her own is placid and plays with anything. Ds is a typical boy I think as he is worse than the three girls put together. He climbs absolutly everything including up the back of dining room chairs today and if he falls on the the tiled floor he is going to come a right one. He had climbed chairs onto worktop yesterday, if I look round then he's stood on the dining room table.

He switches the washing machine onto different programmes whilst it is running, puts things in the oven, climbs in the tumble drier, loves to get in the shower cubicle and close the door, lie in an empty bath, whilst all the toys stay in their boxes.

Where on earth did he come from? Mars I think

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MrsBigD · 11/04/2006 13:15

longwaytogo :) Mars definitely

on their own dd and ds are completely different children. DD was always difficult and ds is more placid. However, with dd we never ever had to worry about child proofing the place too much. With ds though even socket protectors are not safe! He pries them off or just sits next to the socket turning it on or off.

He's a washing machine monster too and I have lost count how many times I've restarted a wash because he'd forced it through the cycles.

I think boys love to investigate and explore differently from girls. Ds is the type who takes everything apart to see what's inside, even if it's not designed to be taken apart iykwim :)

Saying that dd knows no fear either and ds tries to follow her anywhere... I'm surprised he hasn't had worse injuries than a big bump on his forhead!

As for state of mind... I'm sometimes very close to loosing it, but then if I do, nothing's gained except for me feeling horrid afterwards. The one benefit of me generally staying calmish with the kids (as opposed to dh - defo Mars type) is that on the rare occassion I do get a bit loud the kids DO take notice, ds by staring at me and dd by running into her room hiding :)

sickandtired · 11/04/2006 15:08

longway to go, I am living the same life, but mine are both boys so hammer the crap out of each other should one of them have anything the other wants! Ds1 is 3 (was in december) and ds2 was 2 at the end of march.

Heres hoping it gets better

Kiss · 11/04/2006 15:39

Me, too . This week, DS2 has broken the dvd player, taken to standing on top of the basin in the bathroom, emptying the shelves into said basin, is stilling sitting on top of the television occasionally, and still bites. DS1 and him also fight.

Everything everyone says - distraction, going out, using spares - works, some of the time. As for the rest - can you get a day away? I went out without them on Saturday and came back a saner, happier human being.

Original poster

longwaytogo · 11/04/2006 16:45

It does get better but then they just present you with different problems.

He's just frightened himself to death climbing up back of dining room chairs and its tipped

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robin3 · 11/04/2006 17:22

Have you read the book Sibling Rivalry...I've just read it and there are lots of good tips on how to handle rivalry and jealously so they start to view each other as best friends/co-conspiritors and not as the enemy.

I know you probably need a weeks holiday and not a book to read but it might help to break the cycle.

Think it's recommended on mnet as well.

mule · 11/04/2006 17:47

i would second robin3 - siblings without rivalry book is life changing plus another book they have written called 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' is \link{http://www.fabermazlish.com\here} - might be worth a look?
once you read the books its like learning a new language, hard at first but when you get the hang of it it can turn things around.

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