Struggling with two young boys

[LeBFG]

My sister has two boys, 3 and 4.5 (ish). They've always been a handful but in general have always responded well to positive discipline and the naughty step (though not stickers/charts) and had regular bedtimes but things have become terrible since DS1 has started school.

• terrible getting up in the mornings so end up at school/nursery late.
• lots of indiscipline at home - shouting, refusals, general running amock.
• particular problems around tea time with boys wanting to see dad, won't sit to tea and then a long, drawn-out bedtime. They go to bed late now after a lot of disruption.
• weekends are just hell for her. Trips out are aborted or ruined by their bad behaviour. Keeping them in as punishment drives them crazy.

Poor sis is at the end of her tether and is being run ragged. My best advice is to concentrate on sorting out the bedtime routine as it should solve some of the other problems. I also think discipline needs sorting....but how? What's the best approach?

Gosh I sympathise, I have only one boy but he certainly has and still does run me ragged.
The thing that works best for him is simple, clear rules reiterated frequently, and clear punishments that I always carry it out if he does not.
I spend my life saying "if you do not stop doing x I will take y off you" (for him it's mostly computer time) but it generally works.
Of course, there is also the need for lots of physical activity to wear them out too.

Do you give him warnings? Dsis gives two chances then punishes. I've wondered whether this is actually quite tiring for her and how effective it is. Also, sometimes the punishment in a bit counterproductive - if you do x we won't go to the park...but what they need is to go out! What punishments do you use?

Yes, yes to physical activity! She lives in a city so any trip out is quite a thing. There are frequently problems with following rules once out - saftey things like running off to the road, cycling down hills etc.

She's right in it .

I've got 2 the same age as your sis, and ds3 16 months too.
I agree with you bedtimes is the first thing to sort. I know with mine, especially the 4 year old, if he is very over tired then he can be a bit of a pain - eg he will moan and make a fuss about really small things, but when he is not tired he is fine. if they are having trouble getting up in the morning they must be over tired? also she needs evening to her self to relax a bit and recharge. mine are worse if i am stressed out, i can say that for definite - they pick up on it and makes them worse!!
does she get any break? how much does their dad do? im just thinking if she gets a chance to take a bit of a break and step back a bit, she can then go in refreshed n sort it out.
2 warnings sounds quite a lot for time out. probably one would be sufficient? for mine i give a warning, but for things like hitting, pushing or anything extreme i dont warn them at all because they know they not allowed but other things like not listening, to do or stop doing something when asked then i would either give them a warning or start counting to five?
if shes finding herself constantly having battles with them over this or that though, i would say to choose the battles and focus on the most important because just thinking when u get into a cycle that you are constantly telling them off, and constantly telling to do this, do that etc they also behave worse. so like u said - cancelling trips to park, days out etc, would be counter productive in a way, although i get why its tempting when they misbehave. im not saying ignore bad behaviour, but do you get what i mean - focusing on having fun with them and enjoying each others company then they want to be more compliant whereas when mum is stressed out and getting annoyed they dont care?

Yes, she needs to make a distinction between stuff to ignore, stuff to do warnings with and stuff to punish immediately.

She is very tired - works pt shift work and studies when at home. In some respects it should be easier now one is at school but she's finding it much harder. DH works regular week day hours and comes home 'to relax' so I don't think she's getting much help or, more importantly, consistency from him unfortunately.

She definately needs more fun time .