I want, I want, I want. Help!

[PerchanceToDream]

I have a precocious 21 month old DD. I love her to death and normally she's a lovely, bright, bubbly, happy little girl. (Apart from the sleeping thing, but that's another story).

But... (Out Christmas shopping today): Mummy, I want a teddy bear!, Mummy I want the green one. Please Mummy, I want a bicycle. Mummy, please can I have an owl? I want to hold the owl. That's my owl. Ad infinitum...

Literally everything she saw, it was "I want" and I ended up having to leave shop after shop because it was getting embarrassing.

I try to reason with her that she can't have everything and at times I've given her things to hold in shops, just for a while but I never know if she's going to give them back - that's probably not a good idea, hey?

My mum says I should just ignore her, but I'm not sure that's the right advice either.

How should I deal with this? I'm so sick of saying no all the time, it's getting me down.

Any similar experiences? I'm really hoping this might just be a phase.

The only way to deal with it is to say no. If YOU want to buy her something then give her a choice of a few items otherwise say no and then ignore any pestering which follows.

You can ignore a lot of it. Stay calm, don't give attention. When she is a bit older you can tell her to stop saying it, but at this age you can't really reason and it's almost a bit unfair to tell her to stop saying it, it's kinder to distract her. Try to engage her with something else.

It's hard shopping with them at this age- or a lot of them. It's still hard shopping with DD and she is 4 . I am very clear with her on "we are not buying anything". It doesn't stop her requests but I try to deal neutrally with them/ignore.

Also, last but not least, don't be embarrassed. She is very normal for her age. It's tricky to deal with in public, but no one will judge you if you are calmly there ignoring her, most will have been there!

Thanks both! It's just so hard when she's so flippin' polite about it: please Mummy, etc. She's learned that she gets what she wants if she says please, which is right but still, can't have EVERYTHING! Also, I'm not sure she really wants these things, as in she wants me to buy them for her and take them home - I'm not sure she's even got that concept - she's just so excited about all the colours and textures that she just wants to hold stuff. It's exhausting!

NEVER buy her stuff in shops when she is there. If you want to treat her, buy it when she can't see and give it to her in a non shop environment.

This worked for us - I'd only buy an I've cream after a day out once a week.

Indeed! And they are the same at 4 and 6 (re wanting what's in that shop at that moment) so get practising saying "No" early. . Awww, that's cute she is so polite! Tbh I found it harder with DS the older one, and then by DD I was/am a lot more practised and straight forward. I found that if you make your boundary clear and never give in to the pestering it is easier on both parent and child- easy to say, less easy to do sometimes!

Oh yes - and ignore requests. Respond once "no I am not buying anything", and there is no need to repeat yourself over and over in response to repeat questions. This stops the requests from controlling & driving the situation.

I'm not sure she'd understand that yet, HipHop.

Dd1 is now 5. When I want to shop I give her my phone and she takes photos of stuff she wants. The deal is she is not to ask, just take photos. She finds this very satisfying, and I get an idea re Xmas/birthday gifts

'i want an owl' - let her look, let her touch and then say 'maybe father christmas will bring you one' , or ignore.

It is hard saying 'no' but its a good lesson in life (you cant always have everything you want). I think going into a shop is quite overwelming for a lot of children, so much to look at, things they have never seen before which makes them want. We tend to say 'yes dd2 the owl is very pretty, look at its soft feathers, now lets put him back on the shelve and look at the other things'.

My DD sat on the floor in a book shop for ages playing with their basket of soft toys (for sale....) . She is just 4. I find shopping hard though, but then I'm not a "natural" shopper (whatever that is) with or without children.

That's brilliant! Will try to remember that in a few years.

But really, it's not about buying anything. DD just wants to pick everything up and touch it.

NB: We're talking about little boutique gifty shops with quite a few breakables in. I think I'm just going to have to do it all online...

Sorry - that was a reply to HipHop

Agreed, Marne it's very overwhelming for her.

Ah yes.... well I wouldn't go near any of those.. not unless you are supermum who can control a nearly 2 year old and still have energy left to direct towards your shopping. I'm sure a few of those exist, but not many ...!

Too right, Tgger I think I'm just asking for trouble.