Game change help

[Ermintrudel]

Hi, I am new to this site but have joined because I find motherhood hard, which comes as a shock to me because all I ever wanted was to be a mother.

okay, I don't want to waste people's precious time with too much detail to read but basically I had a fast and traumatic first labour (total 2 hours, active labour 19 minutes), lots of postnatal complications (infections, blood transfusions) was unable to breastfeed (even though desperate to do so to the point I never even brought a steriliser, bottles etc because I didn't see any other option) managed to get through all of this (perhaps not really fully but in a practical sense) and finally started to feel confident as a new mum.

Then my son turned 10 months, started crawling, sitting up, finding his own personality, refusing to have his nappy changed (rolling away, getting traumatised by the whole ordeal) and I just feel that the stakes have all changed again and I don't know what I'm doing again.

Its like literally within 2 weeks everything changed and I've gone backwards, not forwards.

I feel so out of control, every time I start to feel confident (and I struggle with that at the best of times) it all changes again and I feel like I go right back to feeling like I don't know what I'm doing or how to be a mum.

Three days ago my husband came home and I was just crying on the settee because our beautiful son had been sooo tired and irritable since 2pm but refussed to sleep and each time I put him down in his cot for a nap he just sprung up like tigger, clinging onto to the sides of his cot on his knees grinning at me! This went on till 7pm untill he was sooo tired he just didn't know what to do with himself. Previously I'd put him down and he'd stay there and just sleep!

I just find it so hard again and beat myself up because I don't feel I'm as good a mother as I want to be, I think everyone ese must be better than me and just feel so low again.

Thought the site might help me get support fom other mums as I don't have much access to other mums.

Hello and welcome to MN.

I just wanted to say you are not alone and it sounds all perfectly normal to me. Pretty much what my first was like in refusing to nap.
I used to get her in the pushchair and go out for a walk, she would either sleep, or not, but the change of scene would help me out no end.

Postnatal depression doesn't necessarily start immediately babies are born, and you have gone through such a lot it might be worth mentioning to your GP or HV if there is one you feel you can talk to.

Do keep posting on here because you will get loads of support.

Take care of yourself.

Congratulations on becoming a mummy - your DS sounds lovely and happy so you must be doing something right.

Thank you pookamoo, appreciate it lots. I think you might be right about the postnatal depression, I think maybe I had it to start with but just pushed through it and denied it. I just couldn't believe I'd feel so low when all I ever wanted was this baby, seems almost impossible to me.

I also rationally know other new mums must struggle but still beat myself up thinking its just me and I'm a failure at it. It's soo hard.

Maybe I should see my GP (not got much faith in the HV's)

Thank you

Hi Ermintrudel - just wanted to reassure you that all mums have days like this. My DD goes through periods where she will not nap during the day even though she gets more and more tired and crabby. It's so frustrating!
I wish I could explain to her that if she just had a nap she'd feel loads better!!!
You do sound a little overwhelmed if you don't mind me saying. I definitely think it would be worth talking to your GP about it. It sounds like you haven't felt quite like yourself for a while.

I also found motherhood challenging but mainly because I had such a horrid pregnancy. I had hyperemesis and was depressed as a result. Before I got pregnant I wanted 4 children as DH and I are both from big families but now I am struggling to think about getting pregnant one more time let alone three.

Don't punish yourself because it's not as you envisaged - it rarely is for anyone. Just do as much as you can and take steps towards feeling better. I hope that a quick look through the different threads in here will persuade you that noone finds it easy xxx

Your little DS sounds normal and lovely, they go through phases all the time and it always knocks us for six when what used to work stopped working. You are doing a great job, please be kind to yourself and pat yourself on the back for getting through what sounds like a really tough time with all the postnatal problems. And have a to make you feel better!

ermintrudel How are you getting on?

Hi, yeah okay thank you, still feeling a bit low and had a bad couple of days at work over the weekend which didn't help. I've taken everyone's advice onboard and made an appointment to see my GP next week though.

I think it would help to talk it through with them xx