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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DO you think this is IMPERTINENT/CHEEKY or just an abundance of confidence?

49 replies

drosophila · 09/04/2006 20:21

I went to a shoe shop today in a rather well to do area of London. My local Clarks is crap never has the size you need so I often buy shoes at this shop. Anyway I was there with my DD who is 14mths and we were patiently awaiting our turn when in bounds this young girl with her Grandmother and her sister. Within a couple of mins she bounds over to me and says 'that's a nice baby. Is she your baby?' 'Yes' I replied. 'Why is she brown and you are white?' She asked. I was a little surprised by her direct question. DD is indeed mixed race and I am very pale.

A little while later she asked the shop assistant if she owned the shop. You could tell the shop assistant was a little taken aback and eventually replied 'I wish'.

Anyway when I told DP he thought she was impertient and had not been taught how to treat adults or that to ask such direct questions was impolite. She was about 6 I'd say. What do you think?

OP posts:

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welshboris · 09/04/2006 20:23

Confidence, and an awareness of the world

But will probably turn into Veruca Salt when older!

moondog · 09/04/2006 20:23

I wouldn't consider it cheeky but would perhaps suggest that she is one of those children who need firm handling and an occasional reminder of who is in charge.

MrsSpoon · 09/04/2006 20:23

LOL she sounds quite a character!

waterfalls · 09/04/2006 20:24

Just inquisitive as most children are, too young to understand racism or to know whats appropriate.

Flossam · 09/04/2006 20:24

I think she sounds a little precouicious (sp) perhaps, but no not rude. She will probably be one of those private ed girls who will always speak her mind and be confident enough to do so!!

flutterbee · 09/04/2006 20:26

I think she just sounds like a confident little girl not cheeky at all.

I am however suprised that the adult with the girl didn't jump in and explain why some people are just different, my 4 year old nephew asked why his cousin (my ds) was a different colour from me (white) and my dh (black) now because he is my nephew I explained to him its like mixing paint. I wouldn't hesitate to jump in and

moondog · 09/04/2006 20:27

Why do you mention racism waterfalls?
Are you suggesting it is racist to be intersted in a person's origins? I don't think so (and have mixed race children in my own family.)

waterfalls · 09/04/2006 20:30

No no, I just mean she is too young to realise the question was a little forward, did'nt mean racism, no offence intended.

Original poster

drosophila · 09/04/2006 20:31

The grandmother took no notice. I thought she was quite sweet in a way and when DD was crying she ran over to her and talked to her. I just never met a child quite like her.

DP is convinced that she is treated more like an adult than a child and in some ways think she is the equal of adults. DP's niece is like this and can be very rude to adults and her parents admit they have always treated her like an adult.

OP posts:

edam · 09/04/2006 20:34

Wouldn't describe that as rude, just curious. And I wouldn't say children are inferior to adults either. But they do need to know that the adults are in charge!

BullyingLondonLegalBods · 09/04/2006 20:35

A fiver says she is an only child, my DS is a bit like this.

He passed some one smoking in town yesterday, it was at his level and he was quite vocal about it, I moved him on swiftly and explained that it was a dirty habit, etc., to which he replied, yes he should have given it up for Lent.

He is not quite 5.

I would not have a problem with a child coming up to me in a restaurant and being a tad direct, but then I guess I am used to it.

LGJ

edam · 09/04/2006 20:35

Would probably help if someone teaches her to say 'excuse me', though.

DumbledoresGirl · 09/04/2006 20:40

Can't be an only child if she has a sister! Personally, I find that sort of openness in childre a bit too much, but I accept it is a sign of a confident and possibly a mature child.

BullyingLondonLegalBods · 09/04/2006 20:40

Suitably crushed.

dyzzidi · 09/04/2006 20:46

She is maybe a bit forward but arent a lot of children today. If she asked in an inquisitive way then thats fine if her tone was rude the adult should have had a word with her.

Original poster

drosophila · 09/04/2006 20:55

It was asked in a very forceful way (in your face kinda thing). I never met a child so forceful. Still don't know if she was rude exactly but nit polite either.

OP posts:

Hallgerda · 09/04/2006 21:05

It wouldn't surprise me if the girl's parents, grandmother etc. had gone blue in the face with the sheer effort of trying to teach her how to treat adults and discouraging her from asking direct questions but that it just hadn't worked yet. The grandmother may not have wanted to make the situation worse by intervening, but may have had a word with her when you were safely out of earshot. (Yes, my six-year-old is a little direct too sometimes...)

I agree that our local branch of Clarks is crap btw.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 09/04/2006 21:45

I number of Aspie kids I know can be like this. I quite like it, at least you know where you are with them.

Sparklemagic · 09/04/2006 22:37

I think this girl has lots of confidence, and great for her! It worries me when people remark on children thinking they are as you said "in some ways the equal of adults".

Of course we should treat them as equal human beings! They don't have equal responsibilities obviously because they are children, but we should talk to them with the same respect we do adults.

I think this girl's questions were completely normal and not at all rude coming from a 6 ish year old. She is learning about the world! I know what you mean though, it's sometimes slightly surprising to have to answer the direct questions that adults never ask. I still don't think it's impolite though, I think it's great she had the confidence to ask and I wish more kids had this level of confidence - maybe they don't because their parents don't think of them as equal and talk to them differently!!!

If the girl was over ten years of age I would hope that most kids had developed the social skills to defer their curiosity and ask their parent any question they may have, after the event, rather than approaching people direct about something like skin colour. However at sixish I think this is fine personally and I love to see kids who like to talk to adults. I know kids of friends who are always lumped together as 'kids' to play together during visits; when we were kids my parent's adult friends were considered our friends too, and considering grown ups your friend does wonders for your self confidence and self esteem.

AngelaD · 09/04/2006 22:50

My DD is like that and too be honest I hope the world doesn't knock it out of her as she grows up, if she wants to know something she asks, what so wrong with that ?
Oh and she is the eldest of three and one of those privately educated girls.

Sparklemagic · 09/04/2006 22:56

lovely to hear that AngelaD and long may she be so confident.

You've obviously done a good job!

TaiTai · 09/04/2006 23:57

Don't know why you suggested the child would be "one of those privately ed girls" Flossam. Bit presumptious - and tbh judgmental - to assume private ed just from the shop being a well-to-do part of town and the child's direct questioning. What does it matter? I think that the child sounds like a normal and confident little girl. She's six!! If it was my daughter I might tell her gently not to ask direct questions like that, but I wouldn't be ashamed of her for doing so!

Socci · 10/04/2006 00:01

Children of that age are often blunt - she sounds harmless enough to me - just curious.

Chandra · 10/04/2006 00:19

It seems to me as the usual faux pas common at this age.

cataloguequeen · 10/04/2006 00:31

Yep I agree with Chandra just being curious.

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