Problem with 5 year old at school - not sure how to remedy

[yummymum01]

My 5yr old boy is having a few problems at school -- he's one of the youngest in the class (July baby in year 1) which may not help.

The thing is, if one of the other kids hurts him or says something horrible, he keeps quiet or retaliates - physically or verbally. Then the child that started it tells the teacher and it's Sam that gets into trouble. Sam doesn't speak up for himself, or tell-tales, however you want to phrase it, and just takes the punishment from the teacher/dinner supervisor.

He tells the FULL story to me or my husband after school when it's all a bit too late (we can tell if he's telling fibs or not).

We know our child isn't perfect, but he generally isn't an aggressive child and only tends to lash out in defense - we've witnessed it at birthday parties (we've seen kids do awful things to Sam and he either shrugs it off or hits back -- never 'tells' an adult).

My real concern is if teachers don't see the 'bigger picture', my son will be branded a trouble maker by teachers, and scapegoat/soft touch by kids.

I have spoken to the teacher about this before, and the teacher has asked for our son to tell on the other kids, but he's reluctant to do so for some reason - it's probably down to shyness, or not realising the consequences.

I just wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation -- if so, how did you handle it?

Thanks :)

Hi My daughter is the youngest one as well in yr 1 she was born end of August so just literally turn 4 and was reception a week after. Your son sounds like my daughter if someone did something to her she was not telling the teacher but me once she was at home. The only difference is she does not hit back and is not aggressive. It is clear to see that older childrens communicate more and are more mature no doubt. I have always told my daughter if someone hits you do not play with them. May be you could keep on telling your son which I'm sure you do is retaliating will not solve anything but causes more troubles. What my daughter does now is she refuses to play with the child that has hit her for about a week and I think that teaches(the one that hits her) a lesson. Does your son has many friends I mean he could play with others?

It's not necessarily a older/younger issue.

Dd1 was one of the oldest and she will (in year 7 now) never ever tell a teacher if something nasty has happened. She tells me about two months later which is usually no help at all. She even denies it if directly approached about it by the teacher.

Ds (also young one in year 1) sounds similar to your ds. He does get in trouble for hitting, often when he talks it back through with us you can see why he did it. However the first thing I tell him is that there's no excuse for hitting. Ever. And we discuss what he should/could have done.

The teacher is aware that if he lashes out it has usually got a reason behind it. However the first thing she has to deal with is the hitting and, with our complete support, they come down hard on this. But they will ask for his side of the story, and will discuss with the other child that what they did was "not nice" or whatever. But hitting is escalating the issue and so must be approached appropriately.
They also keep an eye open for issues round him because they know he will retaliate at times.