I cannot organise myself

[lovemynathy]

Hi mums, please help. I feel like I am in a dark deep hole and running around like a headless chicken. My little one is so bright, at 14 months he is repeating letters and says one two three. My problem is I cannot organise our day that we enjoy it. I would think in the evening tomorrow we would do that that and that. We wake up, for example the weather is nice, and I think no, we would go to the park, then all my plans go off, it takes me too long to get ready ( in a mean time my little one just hunging by himself ), by the time I get ready it's time for his nap. I get upset, we end up going for a walk in a buggy or a drive that he goes to sleep, I go for a coffee to 'get drunk'. Then when he wakes up he has lunch we play somewhere, go home, cook tea, play get ready for bad. My house is a mess, I was planning for a long time to do some things for him to learn but cannot find time to do it..............I cannot find time to make myself pedicure, eyebrows............
How can I become more organised, confident?

I've had days like you describe! My DD is 3.5 and my DS is almost 11 months. Especially when I was on maternity leave, I really beat myself up about how long it was taking to get ready and the state of the house. I started back at work 4 days a week in August and I still struggle to get us all ready, them dropped off and me to work by 9am. I thought it would take a couple of months to speed up and feel in the swing of things, but I haven't really and I don't really! My house still isn't the cleanest, but the kitchen is tidied and wiped down every night, toys tidied before bed and downstairs is hoovered regularly. The rest gets done when anyone is coming round!

From experience, the night before is key - I try to have a bag packed ready with nappies etc, an empty cup, some breadsticks, a bib, and a spare outfit for DS; coats and shoes all together in an accessible place; and lay out all of our clothes so I'm not rummaging through laundry or ironing in the morning! Decide meals for the next day and put anything that'll need defrosting in the fridge.

During the day, I think we have to be realistic about what's going to work. If your LO's nap is making mornings too short to get ready and out, maybe decide to stay indoors and play each morning, and snatch moments when he's in his highchair or napping to put on some washing, load the dishwasher, empty the bins, hoover a couple of rooms etc. Big jobs can wait until he's in bed or you have help!

One thing I've learned from my in-laws who have retired this year is to assign activities to some days of the week to give you structure: Get timetables from Children's Centres, swimming pools and libraries and see what is age-appropriate on which days.

We take the kids swimming on most mondays and that's the day I go supermarket shopping, my in-laws take the kids out for lunch to a Wetherspoons with a family area every Tuesday morning followed by the park, Thursday and Friday the kids are at nursery and our gym does kids activities on Saturday mornings.

I've recently made a list of activities for my kids from a book that I've stuck to the fridge and I pick from the list if I run out of steam!

Writing this makes me feel more organised than I thought I was... I think we're all probably doing a lot better than we think we are, it's all a matter of perspective and a few little tweaks!

Perfectly normal - don't beat yourself up about it. There's a very good book called What Mothers Do (Even When It Looks Like Nothing) and it covers exactly this sort of feeling of helplessness.

My dd is 14 months, and I think it's really hard to get anything else done at all when she's awake. If I try and tidy the kitchen after breakfast she justs wants to be picked up or she follows me round emptying cupboards/taking dirty cutlery out of the dishwasher etc etc.

I have 2 older dc so most days everything gets left and we just go out, and I sort everything out once she is asleep, either napping or for the night. I think the suggestion of a routine is a good idea, even a couple of days a week where you regularly go to mums & tots or swimming or the museum seems to provide a framework to hang the rest of the week around.

In terms of 'doing things for him to learn', well you're doing that every day just by being with him and talking to him, counting 1,2,3 is great at this age!

In S&B there was a thread some time ago about how to feel 'groomed' with young children around. Sorry I can't help you there! But if it's important to you it can be done. Could someone look after the lo for a couple of hours maybe at the weekend so you could get a pedicure or somesuch?

There was an excellent thread about this a while ago on AIBU. I was massively inspired by it. I used to read a page of the thread first thing every day and it would literally spur me into action!

Here

lovemynathy I used to be EXACTLY like you but when DD started going to toddler playgroups it gave me structure, which I so desperately needed. I don't know if it's the same where you are but they're generally 10am-12 here, so not too early if you've had a shocking night but early enough to feel you've achieved something with your LO and knackered them out enough for a nice lunch and a nap and then you're free (and guilt-free) for the rest of the afternoon. I don't like feeling too tied down either. Zuleika I was given that book but haven't looked at it. Maybe I will now. Thanks.

Ooww, thanks a million for your comments. It's already makes me feel better. I do try now going to some groups, our children centre is great, but most of the activities start at 9.30. Not easy for us to get ready, but we keep trying. Unfortunately our family live far from us so we are kind of on our own at the moment. Ellesabe how can I find that thread please? THANK YOU mummies for taking time to reply, for some people is a real lifesaver :-)