2.5 year old behaviour HELP needed

[samandsophsmam]

Hi, I have three DD's age 6, 4.5 and 2.5. My problem is DD3 is a handful and guessing terrible 2's. never went through anything like this with the other two so feel like a first time parent. She doesn't do as she is told unless its attached to bribery. She snatches and screams at her sisters (but nursery say she is a model child) Recently she has cranked to max is now just weeing and poohing in knickers and does not make any effort to go to the toilet (been potty trained for three months) and she has been demanding all my attention. Dragging off my leg. Not walking or going in her buggy instead wanting carrying. She has now stopped sleeping all night and the only way I can get her to sleep is right on top of me! Arghh. Someone please tell me what to do?!?!

Poor you, I know a little of what you are going through as I am a childminder and have twin girls of the same age who are a handful.
From what I have read she is the baby and is prob used to getting her own way just to give everyone an easy life (most parents get the older children to give younger siblings their own way - I know, I am the youngest of 4)
I don't know if I know what I am talking about but I will go through your points and tell you what I will try - please forgive me if I sound as if I know it all cos I certainly don't.

1. She doesn't do as she is told unless its attached to bribery - Stop the bribery. Why would she do something unless she is going to get a treat if she knows that if she puts up enough resistance she will get one. Don't ask her - tell her and if she still doesn't do it try the 'well mummy isn't at all happy with you' tack. This has to be altered for each occasion.
2. She snatches and screams at her sisters - this seems like she is trying to gain control - when she was little did they show her more attention than they do now (they are lovely and cute when they are babies but not so much when they are 2.5). Don't let her get her own way - if she snatches something get it off her and say no. If she screams at them let her know they will not listen to her while she is screaming.
3. Recently she has cranked to max is now just weeing and poohing in knickers- this is a hard one - I had a little boy who did the same - first when his mum first became pregnant and then when she had the baby. I as pulling my hair out with it - especially when he came and sat on my knee at playgroup and did a wee on me straight after I had asked him if he wanted one. Anyway when he did this I just told him it was not acceptable and changed him without talking to him. Just showed him no attention when he did it as this is what he was after. Worth a try as it did stop.
4. she has been demanding all my attention - she has to learn that you have another 2 children who need your attention too. Depending on the situation, if she wants you and you can't let her join in choose an activity that she enjoys doing on her own and tell her that you are going to ???? and she can ???? for 5 mins while you ???? just start off with short periods of time away and then lengthen them. Keep to the 5 mins though (you could give her a timer) so that she gains your trust that you won't be long. It;s easy to say I will be 5 mins and if they are happy you take 15. If she is enjoying what she is doing she may continue to do it and let you get on.
5. Not walking or going in her buggy instead wanting carrying - do you give in and carry her? If so stop. If she wants to walk she walks or she goes in the buggy. If not you go home! Again, try short periods of time. This obviously will be affected by where you are and whether you need to be out with her in the buggy.
6. the only way I can get her to sleep is right on top of me - feel for you on this one as I don't know. I am going through this with the twins at the moment, they only fall asleep if they are in the car or sat with me cuddling - I am not sure about night time, must ask their mum! I have left one of them to cry on a couple of occasions and she eventually has gone off but the other just won't sleep. With my own I lay with them until they were nearly 3 - then I had to go through the pain barrier and let them cry. I started off doing the routine of bath and story, then I would sit on the floor in the bedroom, then after that I moved to the landing, then I started pottering about and then that was that - it wasn't easy but we got there eventually. There was A LOT of screaming!

I hope that this helps - anything is worth a try. How are your other children coping? I know I feel bad as my 5 year old takes a lot of my time and my 12 and 16 year old get neglected.

Good luck