So worried about bullying

[ILikeSquirrels]

DS is 5. He was born with a condition called Buried Penis. It's relatively common apparently and involves much of the penis not descending from the body making it look very small, even unnapparant in some cases. He had a small op at 18 months to fix things which involved drawing the penis out from the body and doing a procedure a bit like a circumcision. It looks much better now, sometimes there's about 1cm or 2cm of length but other times its still very, very short. And looks very different to other boys because if the surgery. It breaks my heart to think this could and probably will be the source of bullying and teasing when he's a bit bigger. I don't want this to damage his self esteem as an older boy or teenager... But it worries me so much.

I understand that you're concerned, but my sons are now 12, 10 and 8 and as far as I'm aware, none of their peers have ever seen their genitals or vice versa. Even in the changing rooms for PE they keep their pants on. It might be more of an issue at swimming lessons but you can get poncho style towels that would cover him up.

When he's older, perhaps you could equip him with some witty comebacks, just so that he has something to say in case anyone does comment.

I don't think you need to worry about a certain physical characteristic of your child leading to them being bullied.

It's hard to put this into words which can't be misinterpreted but I'll try. Some children are prone to being victims of bullying type behaviour and some aren't.

If your son is not a natural victim he's unlikely to be bullied for anything. The general good natured teasing and banter which all children experience from friends may be, in his case, directed to that area but with a few jokes and cutting comebacks and good self esteem to back him up he'll be fine.

If he's going to be bullied they won't need anything real to pick on him about. Bullies make up things to tear into their victims about so it won't make much difference.

If your DS has a positive self image and is comfortable in his own skin he will be resilient if anyone calls attention to his condition.

Don't worry so much. This doesn't have to be a big problem for him. He can protect his own privacy if he chooses to but he may well be fine and have no problems at all.

I think Goldmandra's comment is wise and it is matched by my own experience. Some children with obvious differences don't suffer from bullying and some children who don't have anything different about them do suffer from bullying.

I think this is something others just won't be aware of. I'm told by my friends' teenage dc, even in high school, they don't take their pants off to have showers after sport. They put a towel around their waist still wearing their pants, dip their head under the water, and get changed. Because none of them want to strip naked in front of the whole class.

Lots of people have things about them that could be a target for bullying. The important thing is to ensure his self esteem is there.

Agree with Goldmandra. Dd was incontinent until age 11 or thereabouts; she was never bullied. Partly, I think, because of her own outgoing personality, partly because there was very little bullying in her school, and the school was known for being very strict about bullying.