Extreme anxiety/fear...

[LollsMum]

My daughter is 2y8m. She is quite sensitive, and is pensive when approaching new activities and such like. I'd say she was age appropriately wary of strangers, if perhaps slightly anxious around new people. Nothing that alarms me though.
The main problem I have, and something which I AM finding alarming, is that she has a massive fear of the doctor and the dentist (to the extent of phobia almost). She is okay going into the doctors room, she will speak to the doctor and answer questions. As soon as they lift a stethoscope or any 'equipment' though she becomes frightened, and won't allow them to examine her. She gets extremely distressed if we try to coax her, and will say ?ta-ta? and try to leave the room. She behaves in exactly the same way at the dentist. We had another traumatic visit to the doctor this morning, where she got very upset and threw a tantrum before demanding to leave. The doctor got nowhere near her.
I spoke to her this evening whilst we were relaxing on the couch, and asked her why she got so upset at the doctors. She said ?No like doctor?. I asked her was she frightened that something the doctor does will be sore, to which she said yes. She has never exactly 'enjoyed' GP visits, but she'd allow them to do what was necessary. The extreme fear and flat refusal only seems to have appeared in the past 6/8 months or so. She had a visit to the doctor early this year where she had to have a chest examination, and her throat checked. On that occasion I had to hold (restrain!) her whilst the doctor examined her.

Has anyone else had a child who isn't just afraid, but is absolutely terrified around the doctor/dentist? The GP has suggested we take her to the practice regularly to 'de-sensitise' her, so that she learns there isn't anything to be afraid of. Any sharing of advice/experience and perhaps tips are much appreciated. Is this something I can hope she grows out of? My fear at the moment is that it intensifies. Right now I am feeling pretty useless because, in this circumstance, she just won't accept any reassurance or comfort from me.

My dd2 is 3.4 and has phobias - buttons being one of them! Can you buy her a doctor and dentist toy kit and you can both pretend to be the doctor?

Not got a huge amount of advice but my DS1 was like this from a bit over 2. He didn't like any strangers, but doctors and the dentist were a disaster, he would scream, shake, go rigid, have to be carried in etc etc. We used to get to skip the queue at the doctors as the receptionist assumed he was terribly ill, when really he was just having a complete paddy. I know exactly where his phobia came from - an unfortunate experience of having to come with me when I was admitted to hospital and watch me be examined, put on a drip etc until someone could collect him.

The dentist told me that it didn't matter, he only needed to give him a check up at some point before he was 5. We kept taking him along with us, but made no attempt to have his teeth checked.

The doctor was a bit more problematic, as he had a few nasty bugs and did need to go. On a number of occasions the doctor simply had to examine him through the screams (apparently full on yelling can help when trying to get a good look at their throat ).

I am waffling. He's 4.3 now, and pretty much fine with these things. He had his first dentist check up about 3 months ago - I waited until I though he was ready, and pre-warned the dentist (who was really good with him, and let him sit on a couch rather than in the chair) - and he was perfectly behaved, no more than a bit wary. Even let them do the fluoride application. Similarly going to the doctor is no longer traumatic - he still objects a little but in a verbal / can be reasoned with way, rather than by tantruming. He no longer seems phobic. Again, our doctor has been great - lots of examining dinosaurs, handing out stickers etc. But beyond this we haven't done anything special (other than watching the Dr Brown Bear / dentist Peppa Pig episodes far more than I would otherwise have allowed), time has just worked its magic.

Thank you for the replies and tips.

I have bought her a doctors kit before, she wasn't that interested in it but perhaps now that she's a bit older it might be worth another try. Really, anything is worth a try at this moment!

I'm glad (not glad, but you know what I mean) NorthernSky to hear from a parent whose child has overcome their fear. The GP I've been seeing (who has been very helpful with the actual medical issue ? which is a persistent cough) is young, thus inexperienced. I can't help feeling that she is overreacting, and is adding to my daughter and my worries! She said she would seek the advice of a paediatrician about ways to help my daughter overcome her fear, and wants me to take her to the surgery every couple of weeks to get her used to being seen. I just wonder if this is necessary, she's making me feel as though my daughter has some sort of 'disorder'! One of the older doctors spoke to my daughter in passing today (upon seeing she was distressed). She just said hello, I like your shoes, and offered her a book to look at. My little one was clearly much more comfortable with the older doctor's approach.

My dd was and is like this, I'm sorry to say it has escalated, from refusing medication when very poorly and so prolonging recovery, to having been referred to the community dentist, she picks her teeth so much so that im pretty sure she has caused a cavity with so much picking, she is 6 now and does not cope well with losing her teeth, seems to be a constant drama with that just now. My advice is to just take it all your stride and be sure to remain calm and rationed you self at all times, not always easy but does help normalise all these experiences they fear.

I'm not sure about intervention, I'm happy managing theses things myself just now, through my own rational thought and plenty or exposure and reassurance. I have been sure to not avoid putting my dd in anxious situations but reinforcing her own coping strengths no mater how little and amongst what hysterics. Even if it is as far as praising her for entering the drs room or opening her mouth for dentist. My dd has actually started writing her fears to the tooth fairy, this is helping lots. So get your dd to express her fears to you and make sure you recognise them and praise her for coping and telling you about them, otherwise she may clam up even more and transfer her fears even more. Not always easy but allow her some control and just remind your self that she is coming to no harm.

My own dd has had various illness from tonsillitis to kidney infections, swine flu and many many chest infections where she refused medications and after about 2. Or 3 the doctors where happy to monitor her at home and she hallways pulled through with out abs. When she had tonsillitis the first and second time she was pretty much unconsciousness and unable to fight me giving her abs and she got them in the end. Not great and very distressing but nothing major has happened.