Dreading school Christmas play!!!

[tigersmummy]

My DS 5 is taking part in his first school Christmas play and I am dreading it. He has had a difficult 6 months, with moving house, leaving nursery, starting school and having a new sibling, and his behaviour isn't wonderful at the moment. He's worse at home and sometimes will just get into this head space where will not listen, do as he's told and gets incredibly frustrated and sometimes angry. I have taken him to a chiropractor twice and she said his neck and pelvis were unaligned. Since then he has been so much calmer - until last weekend when he was a little toad. Anyway, at school he is better behaved but struggles to sit down and concentrate. He dislikes the school hall as it makes his ears hurt and we suspect a hearing problem. DH went to a school assembly last week and it was clear DS was uncomfortable - he was very nervous (that can manifest itself in naughty behaviour to cover his anxiety), sweating and a teaching assistant sat with him during the assembly, before taking him back to the classroom for a story as he was getting anxious.
So the thought of the Christmas play is awful. I'm dreading it already, for him as he may 'play up' as its in the hall which he dislikes, for the teachers and class mates who will have put in a lot of hard work that he may disrupt and also for us, as it will be MORTIFYING if he plays up. How do I handle this? I would rather pretend he was ill but I know that will not be good for him in the future, as he does have to learn how to take part and behave in these situations.
When he is 'in one' he dances around haphazardly, thinks its a game and funny not to comply or to run away from those trying to control the situation and I envisage a situation where he's laughing at either us or the teachers trying to get him back onto the stage having run around the hall tripping over parents and children. HELP!!!!

My dd is the same but she's o ly in nursery. If he's wearing a costume can you ask nursery if he can wear ear defenders or ear plugs under it? You need to speak to school about your concerns and tell them he doesn't like the noisy hall.

I worried about my ds last year for similar reasons. He has hearing issues and found large groups and noise very stressful.

Particularly when I was told that the dress rehearsal included a mass brawl of shepherds (they put all the more lively boys as shepherds) using their sheep as weapons

Atcually for the performance he was fine. I sat where he could see me, but not front row where he could get to me. He wore some of his costume without a fuss, and he spent the end songs bouncing on the bench he was meant to be sitting quietly on, but he wasn't worse than several other boys.

What I did for him was told him that I was very proud and was so looking forward to his lovely singing. he then really wanted to do well. It's probably a good thing if you want him to behave. At ds's last assembly there was a child who decided to dance (on the spot to be quite fair to him) vigorously once he'd done his bit and was meant to be sitting still. Stupid parents were falling about laughing at him, and nudging other parents saying "isn't he funny?" Despite teachers trying to get him to stop. Suspect strongly he'll probably do that for the next one too now.

I would say that if you did want to take him out ill, then there're plenty of other times he can learn, as long as it is a one off.

This year he's been picked to be a narrator, and (I suspect) carefully placed between two very sensible girls, so I have no worries this year.

I was in the same situation last year when my daughter started school she just turned 4 and was the youngest as she is born end of august, she was not listening and was unable sitting down or concentrate for long but amazingly she was fine during the play she did what she was supposed to do and follow the whole thing. I am sure it will be fine, teachers seem to prepare them for it.

Can you work out a plan between you and the teacher so you don't feel/feel less stressed about it- eg strategies to help him cope, but also what will happen if he starts to play up- eg support/warning, sit by teacher then taken out of room or something like that? Not sure if this would work?

I was worried in nursery that DS would have a melt down as he also at that age (he was 4 as October birthday) didn't cope with big groups/performance etc. I solved it by putting no pressure on him to take part, and actually I decided not to even talk about the school play and let the teachers deal with it. This worked for us, but I think I would have had a chat with the teacher if it had worried me enough. They have seen a lot of it before, but you want to make sure that they know his behaviour stems from anxiety rather than naughtiness per se.

Also, yes, they do lots of rehearsals, in front of the school and stuff (well our school did) and I think DS got used to the big room etc through this.

He was absolutely wonderful!! We saw both the dress rehearsal and actual performance and he was brilliant. Stood still and sat down nicely when he was meant to, sang and joined in with the actions. SO relieved! And very, very proud. Treat in store for him when I collect him later! Thanks for the pep talks