2 and a half- how to deal with grumpy defiance!

[Lionsntigersnbears]

Hi All,

Just looking for a reality check really as I'm the only person I know with a 2 year old. DD is lovely and mostly easy to steer in the right direction but is very self- willed. She's mostly easy to deal with in terms of distracting from tantrums or ignoring them where necessary. The problems come in when I have to correct her for bad behaviour. On a couple of occasions I've had to tell her off quite loudly - not shouting but holding her arm with a very stern face and clearly expressing the fact that I was really really cross with her (once for trying to kick our elderly dog in the nose, once for scratching at my eyes so both times for completely unacceptable behaviour). On both occasions she's just got cross back at me. Even fairly mild confrontations can lead to grumpiness and defiance from her and she really doesn't seem to mind that I'm cross with her. Today for instance she didn't want to get dressed, perfectly normal I guess in a 2 year old!, but we needed to go out so after a few minutes of telling her to come and get dressed I picked her up to put on my knee to get her trousers on. Cue sliding down, kicking, shouting etc. So I offered a choice - Me: 'DD either we get you dressed or I put you in the cot and leave you alone for a minute. What do you want?' DD: 'cot', grump grump.

is this normal? It not that she'd grumpy or defiant but that she really doesn't seem to care if I'm cross or not and I have nothing I can use to make her understand she needs to behave.

Very common-they are not called the 'terrible twos' for nothing! She has discovered she is an individual with a will of her own! They like attention-to some it doesn't matter if it is good or bad! Cut down the choices and stick to the positive as in 'when you get dressed we can........'.

Hi OP, I have no advice but also hope you get some good suggestions as I am in same place with my DD. Thought naughty step was working but now she just laughs and gets up or says she needs a wee knowing I have to let her go to toilet. I feel so powerless to control her. It scares me most that she will ignore me when she can hurt herself particularly. I have horrible memories of my mum having a short temper and slapping me. I have given DD a couple of light smacks but really believe this is not the way to go and dont want to do it so I am hugely frustrated, especially as she does most of what they say at nursery including sitting and eating all her food nicely and tidying up. 2 of my biggest struggles. She will be 3 in Feb.

Marking my place for the answer!

I send DD into the hall for a couple of minutes. It worked for about a week. Now she doesn't care and if I tell her that if she does the unacceptable behaviour again she will have to go outside, she takes herself off into the hall as if its a game.

I get cross when I get told off too ;) I think it is perfectly normal and if she makes a choice to stay in her cot allow her to do so. It's her choice after all: so really, only give a choice where you are happy with either choice being made! I have happily stuffed my pj clad 2 year old in a coat before and left the house like that. I have even told my 5 year old she will go to school in knickers and vest since she is not dressing. It is about control and exerting some independence.

It only gets worse.... :) Wait till you get to 3!

thanks for the responses!I'm relieved that this is ringing bells with people and sounds normal. Pops and Breathe, naughty step does nothing in our house either, and my DD does the 'Potty-Gambit' too. We left the cot assembled in her bedroom after we moved her out to a toddler bed (I'm pg with no.2 so taking it down seemed like an unnecessary hassle) so I've been putting her there as a confined space for a couple of minutes of time-out, but now she treats this as a game. Pops yes they do what they're told at nursery don't they? DD is just the same- I get -'oh she's an angel, she's no bother' 'Really? well come round my house then!!' at Adoptmamas Pjs and a coat.

Yes - DD is "a little lamb" at nursery according to her room leader. I think the staff find it quite amusing when parents ask if they behave the same way at nursery.