HELLLLLPPP!! Child with ADHD, I am at the end of my tether, when will it ever end???

[louise35]

My DD is 11 and was diagnosed with ADHD about 18 months ago although we suspected she had a problem from a very very early age. I am getting to the point now where I don't know how much more I can take and am wondering if there is light at the end of the tunnel. She used to have so many friends but now seems to have different ones every week and all her bonds with existing people seem to be breaking down, especially at school and I dont know if this is happening because of her general behaviour. Her schoolwork is suffering but I think she is just at a crap school anyway judging by the recent ofsted report but she comes home with homework and insists that the subjects in it have not been covered at school, either she is lying or the school needs a kick up the arse. She has started lying, stealing my things (although its only toiletries, stationery and makeup and I am scared it could lead to pilfering in shops). She makes my life a living hell in the mornings when DH goes to work at 7.30 and we end up having a screaming match nearly every morning as she refuses to eat breakfast if its not exactly as she likes it, then she goes upstairs and never comes back down, supposedly she is getting ready for school but nine times out of 10 she will be watching TV or on the computer. I do not want to have to follow her around the house all the time but sometimes I have to just to make sure things get done. We have the same fun and games at bedtime too, sometimes she will still wonder around at midnight and then she is knackered in the morning, making her mood really sour. She seems to have no pride in her appearance (she will put make up on but walk around with unbrushed hair) and it breaks my heart to see her with children from the estate where we live, they are all growing into young women and she seems so immature. Two of the girls who she has lived here with for the last 4 years have now abandoned her to spend time with the "more grown up brigade". Her bedroom is like a war zone, you would not believe the things that I find in there (I wont go into it but its not good). I'm dreading the day when she starts her periods because I just dont think she will be able to handle it (keeping herself clean etc). I am also up against another problem, my MIL who dotes on her. At times I have spoken to her on the phone and told her about my DD latest behaviour and for some reason she seems to find it amusing, apparently my DH was the same as a child and she says that she "looks back in fondness" at it. I am afraid I will not feel like looking back in fondness at some of the things that my DD is doing. My DD also suffers from epilepsy which consultant says sometimes tends to run alongside ADHD. It's breaking my heart to see her like this as she is such a loving child and very kind with it but I need to know if there is really going to be any improvement as she gets older. I am getting up every morning with pin in my upper abdomen which I suspect could be stres related. If anyone out there has been going through this I would appreciate some advice on how to handle all this and if someone could tell me that it does eventually get better it would seriously hele me. Take care, Louise.

Poor you - sounds like you have reached screaming point. My ds is dyslexic and a bit fidgety so in one of my moments I contacted HACSG and have a couple of their publications. No use to me so will happily post them to you - lesleydotubatorangedotnet - the book's quite food based. Though I'm very cynical I've just started the Dore programme with ds. Can't recommend it yet - not even convinced I'm not wasting my money but time will tell.

Sorry no advice for you... but I just wondered how often you see your consultant at the hospital, do they have any good advice for you or support groups. Have you spoken to the senco about your concerns about her school work, how are they supporting your DD at school...

Not sure what to do, exhausted and demoralised by my 12 year old daughter with adhd O. She has always been a bit sneaky and manipulative but recently things have ramped up and we are now at the end of our tether. She is scruffy and dirty often sleeping in her school uniform and would quite happily wear them again if we didn’t prise them off her in the morning. She steals food (there is no need full cupboards and freezer and she can have whatever she wants within reason) and secretes the rotting remnants under her bed with dirty clothes and general detritus. She rattles around until the wee small hours then won’t get up, is virtually impossible to get ready for school and just daydreams or dances or anything to avoid doing what We ask her to do. She is only pleasant when she wants something otherwise she is generally vile and verbally aggressive to us and her younger sister. She steals, alcohol, money, my make up toiletries and recently had her friend pierce her nose (no permission). She goes through friends like water, those nice girls seem to drift away and the undesirable elements hang around and manipulate her (she is very suggestible). She has recently been found with Vapes in her school bag, has used my debit card/amazon account to order whatever she likes. We are now locking everything away.....in our own house!!! She recently stole from my parents at a visit which was the last straw and ruined the whole family’s Christmas.
It’s become like the O show and our lives are consumed with the latest of her shenanigans, we dare not leave her at anyone’s house for fear of her stealing from them so there is no respite.
she was diagnosed with ADHD 18 months ago and has recently started medication (slowly working up the dosage). we have reasoned, shouted, been disappointed, had family discussions, argued, been over the top with love and praise for the little wins, cried, screamed and begged but nothing works. The stress in the rest of the family is terrible and my younger daughter (who is autistic) is getting caught up in all the argy bargey which is not great.
O is very bright and doing ok at school but she is def not working to her potential.
We are feeling like this is consuming us and don’t know what to do about it.
Can anyone help? Does this ever get better? It’s making me ill