Worrying behaviour

[Carabou]

Hi
It's my first time on here. My 6yr old son did something tonight which has really worried me and I'd like some others opinions. I wouldn't let him play on his wii tonight as he'd refused to come off it when I picked him up from the childminders. He screamed and cried as usual but then he went to the cutlery drawer in the kitchen, took out a knife and stood there pointing it at me in anger. He's normally a good lad, just the odd blip now and again, mainly over turning the wii off. Any advice gratefully received.
Thanks

Ummm, I would have been upset too, poor you. How did you respond at the time? Did you talk to him about it? I think this is a phase of knowing what could hurt you....the fact he didn't says he knows the line clearly, he was trying to gain control I guess.

Hello, my dd who is also 6 has done this, when she got really cross, can't remember about what. Tbh it didn't really worry me from the point of view of it being odd behaviour ( I was keen to ensure she put it down quickly and no-one got hurt!). Perhaps I've not worried about it enough! But my view is she is too young to really understand the possible consequences of her actions and as I'm quite sure she loves her family, havn't worried about it.

When she did it I talked to her about knives being dangerous and did she really want to hurt anyone, when I know she is a kind, caring person. (She is usually, really!). She realised she was being silly and put the knife away and we had a cuddle and she calmed down.

I don't want to go on about it too much as I don't want to make the whole thing into something larger than life.

But when she's helping me in the kitchen, which she loves to do, I have majored on the dangers of knives, without mentioning her outburst.

I'd be interested to know what others think, but my opinion is that while this type of behaviour obviously needs to be addressed straight away, it doesn't mean a 6 year old has any underlying issues. I would be worried if it was recurrent, or if she was a bit obsessed with knives, but she just isn't and there has been no repeat, it happened in the summer, and she has of course got cross about lots of things since then.

Hope this helps

you need to come down on him like a ton of bricks!
he should not threaten you like that, ever.

This incident needs to be properly addressed, he has to understand that it's not on and he can not ever repeat that behaviour again.

I wonder why he reacted so strongly and what else might be going on in his world (something at school, at the child minder's etc)
he has to explain why he did that, if he saw this behaviour somewhere or just imitated a game on the wii
(there's the speed duel chopping game and the one where they chase and whack each other with swords)

I hope you are ok and things have calmed down a bit.

and get a lock for the knife drawer!

"But when she's helping me in the kitchen, which she loves to do, I have majored on the dangers of knives, without mentioning her outburst" - yes, that's a very good idea milk, well put!

Has he seen something on TV?
A friend's ds did similar and she was really concerned-and then she remembered that there had been someone threatening with a knife on one of the soaps she watched. She talked to him about it and found he was actually quite traumatised by what he'd seen, and she had to do a lot of reassurance. She hasn't even realised he was watching, as far as she was concerned he was playing with his back to the TV. He never did it again.
After that she recorded and watched them after bedtime.

My son and nephew did the same at similar age - threatened to "kill" themselves. When my son did it I explained exactly what would happen if he cut himself (that he would bleed, it would be sore, we'd go to hospital, they'd sew him up etc). I laid it on thick. Never did it again. I wouldn't worry to much but a serious conversation is in order

Agree with others on here.
If it does keep happening, after you have had a talk through with him, that would be a different matter.
You say he just does the odd blip now and again, so that is reassuring.

I would say though, in days to come, that you need to talk about his screaming and crying over the wii.
That seems excessive.
Does he do that when he comes of the wii in your home, or doesnt he have one at home.
And does he sometimes overreact when he leaves the childminder if he is engrossed in a different activity?

It's amazing what they pick up. I'm so careful about what dd sees then then the other day she told me her dad was letting her watch plane crashes on tv when she was with him, now she doesn't want to go on holiday

Are you sure that everything he is playing on the wii, at home and at the child minders, is suitable for a child of his age.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I've had a little chat with him about it so hopefully that's the end of it. A lot of the trouble I have with him is centred around consoles. If he's not on the wii he's wanting to watch Mario on YouTube on the Ipad.I don't let him play all the time. He's not allowed before school. He goes on generally from 6pm to 7pm, then chat and story until bedtime at 8pm. If he's not allowed on or when I ask him to finish his game he goes ballistic, screaming, wailing, saying "never" I do dread it when it's time to stop playing.
Hoping it's yet another phase
Wendy

I would get rid of the consoles until he's a bit older that will solve your main problem.

I'd be thinking of taking away the Wii for a week for this behaviour. My dd is 8.5 and whenever she gives me grief when I ask her to turn ds off it gets confiscated for a few days

I would say to him that you are worried that he can't cope with stopping playing on computer games and that you don't want to see him upset when he inevitably has to stop (insert talk about necessity of sleep and how worried you are about him being too het up at bedtime).

This is mindgames BTW.

So, no computer games for a week/ fortnight or so and spend the 'console time' doing something less intense that's easier to stop (like reading). After the given period he can have a shorter console session, with a good set of countdown time warnings for the end.

If he can show you that he can control himself and stop immediately within 1-2mins when you say it is the end without a tantrum then you can 'think about' building his time back up. If there is a tantrum you will know he genuinely can't deal with stopping and I'd get rid consoles for now.

does he get any extra time by playing up, such as extra few minutes while you argue with him. if so you are reinforcing his behavior and that's why he reacts the way he does.

i agree that a count down works really well, it gives them time to wind down the game although 1-2 mins is nowhere near enough time. maybe one at 10 then another at 5. any delay in turning it off shortens the time for the next day.

i also agree that i wouldn't be overly concerned about the kitchen incident. i would speak about it though as to help you and him understand why he reacted why he did. maybe practice some calming techniques he can use in the future.

count down - same here

sometimes I set alarm on phone and when it beeps that's times up, but I let them finish that run and SAVE the game - they go hopping mad if they can't save the game, coz all the progress is lost! That I get and now avoid!

I mean just imagine your whole days work is deleted!

good you had a chat

What games does he play? Some are very very addictive and it is hard to stop playing them even as an adult. I had a rule when mine were young that they would have a five minute warning and then when I told them to stop if they didn't stop they would not be allowed to play the following day and then, if they continued to complain, they would be banned for a week. There were NO second chances. I also used a stopwatch so they could easily see how much time they had.
I think 6 - 7 is a bit late in the evening and your DS might be feeling a bit tired.
You could also try playing games on the computer with him. It makes it less intensive for him but it should still be fun. You could try the MarioParty games. I still play those with my 16, 18 and 20 year old even though they beat me
Fighting games are very addictive. You should take note of the age ratings on the games sometimes it is the style of the gameplay that is unsuitable or younger players rather than the cartoon violence.
If he is not on the WII does he play games on the IPad ? An hour total game play or computer time a day seems like plenty for a six year old.

Good luck.

I'd get rid of the wii entirely if it really is linked to most of the problems. Maybe put it away for a month, and see if things improve. If they do, just never bring it out again.