there is a back story so briefly...
My DS1 was 4 in June, he started reception class in Sept. We will call his teacher (mrs x) and his teaching assistant (mrs y)
He was potty trained about 2.5/3 and was great at it, although he has had a couple of patches where something has been bothering him where he has repeatedly poo'd in his pants, this can be a week, a couple of weeks, just a one off, but it always coincides with something he is bothered about.
He started school and loved it, settled in quickly and all was well.
There is a book which travels back and forth in his book bag which we can write messages in for his teacher and vice versa.
A couple of weeks in he had an accident. There was a note to tell us. I asked him about it and he said he hadnt made it in time and that was that, it happened again the next day and we got a note saying 'he has soiled himself again today please encourage your DS to use the toilet, it would help us in school'
I was annoyed by the wording as it suggested i left him feral at home but...!
It also said, 'he can't wipe his own bottom' now i had tried at this point to teach him, sometimes he would do it, sometimes he would ask me or dh to do it.
I wrote in his book that it wasnt an issue at home and that i had reassured him that it was ok to go to the toilet whenever he needed it and asked them to do the same.
We had a week or so accident free... then another one. Accompanying note was just to inform us.
On thursday there were two notes in his book, one from the morning he had done a wee in his pants (this is so unusual i was really shocked by this) then a hugely exasperated note saying 'and now, he has just done a poo in the playground line, we think he is just lazy'
Now i didnt read this note until i got home, by which time mrs y had pulled me to one side for a word when i picked him up, she said to me 'we are starting to think he is just lazy' i was shocked she said that but was a bit speechless because i understand how frustrating it is to have to change him but also that i cant magically find out what is bothering him.
That night he told me mrs x had 'shouted at me for pooing in my pants and scared me, she said it was naughty' i took this with a pinch of salt but also was slightly worried in case that was the case.
When i read the note in his book at home dh wrote a note back to say we would go in and see mrs x and mrs y after school that day (friday)
We went in, she confirmed she had shouted at him but not used the word 'naughty'
We suggested saying hat he was lazy wasnt helping matters and he is obviously worried about something at school as he doesnt have problems at home, he now goes to the toilet and wipes independantly at home.
We put our point across and a plan was agreed.
(DS went home with a friend so wasnt in this meeting)
Tonight at bedtime i said to him i was really proud of him for having a day without and accident and praised him for going to the toilet at school (he had a poo at school, despite also having one at home this morning) he said 'mrs x thinks me and bob (namechange other child in his class) are lazy'
Now i know we didnt discuss any of this near him or with him in earshot, he wasnt in on the meeting and bob was never mentioned the other night so i feel like this was said again today.
I dont want to be the overreacting mother but im not happy if she is continuing to say he is lazy, and too him, im disgusted!
Should i mention it or just leave it?
Sorry for the epic ramble but i would like another perspective, also sorry if i have left bits out and therefore dripfeed im tired!
TIA