To stay or Leave

[Mikeythepikey]

My partner and I have 2 boys nearly 3 and nearly 5.

I struglgled terribly with the first child and still struggle with the 1st, my relationship with the 2nd is good. Over time things have got better, we struggle on fundamental issues and have polar opposites views on bringing up children, politics and issues surrounding our kids.

It would be fair to say we are left and right... but love each dearly

We both have strong opinions and are never afraid to show our feelings, this sometimes has a negative impact on the boys.

We try so hard to encompass each others feelings and opinions, However more often than not we end up fighting, resulting in my partner telling me she hates me and the life she now leads is awful.

Should we call it a day? and be very good seperated parents ? which im confident we could do, or keep trying..... I must add this situation has been systematic for 4 years

stay together, absolutely!

you love each other, so build that up again!

you really have to be able to talk to each other in a constructive way (easier said than done, I know)

1. there must be things you agree on, so start from there.

1. figure out what you absolutely don't agree on and agree to disagree

1. everything else is negotiable.

(you have to do this without the children present!)

what is it that's so awful about her life? what can be changed and how and when? what can't be improved? is she unhappy about you/kids/work/ home or herself?

seems to me you are very honest with each other, which is brilliant, but
you must clarify your feeling & thoughts to yourselves and each other

(it's like saying I'm fat or want to loose weight versus saying I want to loose x amount of lbs by y date. 2nd option is a much more successful approach)

btw I hate that cliche of "staying together for the sake of the kids" - my parents argued for as long as I can remember, but I never knew if they loved each other or not. I don't know if they knew either! (which is the key difference in your case!) They divorced after 25 years and it was weird.

I thought it would have been better to either stay together and carry on arguing, or divorce much earlier but no arguments. this way we had the worst of both world, had to bear the rows and they fell apart anyway...

I could go on, but tell me if any of this is useful at all. you could also show this to her and discuss

I truly believe that most problems in a relationship that's based on love can be mended, but need to be worked on.

My parents divorced 30 years after their relationship collapsed. The rows were bitter. Cheating was involved. It was awful. Yes they should've split earlier but I still think they did the right thing. My dad now has a lovely girlfriend and a happy life. My mother has neither but she has huge issues and is an unhappy person whatever the circumstances.

I'm in the throws of splitting from my husband. We have an 18mo daughter. Our reason to split is to stay great friends, as this is vital for DD. My parents carried on for years and hate each other to the point of not being able to be in the same town. It made their daughters weddings and Christnasses a stressful nightmare.

But I can't advise you. Can only give you some examples! Good luck whatever the choice.

mikey if you post in relationships or chat you might get a few more responses