Almost 5 year old's appalling weekend behaviour

[pamelat]

i love our daughter to bits

She's beautiful, bright, loving, sensitive and funny

Shes also incredibly strong willed, stubborn and defiant

She's been that way since she was born, never slept, always cried etc

When she was 2 I had our son. She found that hard but it was ok whilst he was a baby and didn't have his own mind

They squabble terribly now and he's now 2 so is whining, defiant etc also

Shes now at school and has settled well but I'm told they also find her strong willed and assertive, which aren't always bad things I guess.

Weekends, especially mornings in the house, are HORRIFIC at the moment

Dh has been away with work all week and came back in the early hours this am and got up with them this morning.

Ds always wakes first and we get a calm hour with just him. Although to be fair dd would be calm by herself too

Dd wakes (usually 11 to 12 hour solid sleep) and once she's eaten breakfast, or sometimes before, is awful

She is incredibly confrontational with ds and dh, less so with me.

She shouts. Squabbles. Whines. Cries (a lot) lies (about ds or herself) and its just unpleasant until we go out at 10ish

We always have to go out as it's too awful to stay in

She's better once we are out

I feelfor her as she is so sensitive and we do end up having to tell her off a lot and I shout too easily as she drives me insane

She doesn't listen, she breaks "rules", she's silly (chasing the cat around each morning instead of doing as she's told)

I know other girls her age can be similar but I expect more with asking her to be calm and let ds or the cat just be

She wants to be good but just can't seem to behave?

Every weekend morning is awful and it's really affecting the quality of our lives

I've tried sticker charts, time out,and none of it works for more than 15 mins

The book that helped us hugely was 'Positive Parenting' by Jane Nelsen. It's tailor made for the parents of very stubborn, strong willed children. It shows you how to dissolve the battle ground but still have control where and when you need it. It really worked like a magic wand. I've used the techniques on my stroppy teenage niece too and again, they worked like magic.

Also may be worth finding a group activity for just her on a Saturday morning that her brother is not involved in. Gym, dancing, swimming lessons, football, I've skating.

This will give an hour or so for her to let off steam and have some space, maybe you and dh can alternate taking her and share some quality time that is separate and does not need to cut into the whole day, just an hour out. It must be quite frustrating for dd also.

Sorry but the naughty room makes me feel

I don't know if this is helpful at all, honestly...but I was a very screamy, difficult toddler through to about 6 years old and the reason was because I was dreadfully uncomfortable physically - hot, itchy, nightmares, irritable, skinny... I was just not comfortable in my own skin. It got better of its own accord and it must be terrible to feel you are responsible for all of your daughter's behaviour, but you might not be. I hope it gets better on its own.

I really found, 'how to talk so kids will listen com listen so kids will talk' helpful. Helps you to see things from their respective so you can get to the root of problems. My daughter and I were just winding each other up and I was just escalating punishments until I read this one. Lots of practical examples too.

How are things going OP? We took DS to chiropractor and his behaviour improved immediately - his neck and pelvis were unaligned - but yesterday was horrendous and DH was crying because of it - which is more distressing than DS behaviour. He's wound up again today but so far we're managing - not even 9am!!!