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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

do u have favourites between your kids

24 replies

mumsy1234 · 02/04/2006 03:17

it's not that i love my eldest more.i just feel a greater bond with her and feel she is more like me.and i feel a great bond with my one year old also.my middle i love dearly.but don't feel as close to.i feel so guilty about feeling this way and often cry over it at night.i don't want her to feel left out.i always hug her and tell her i love her.and i do dearly.maybe it's the middle child thing.i don't know..

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BelleFleur · 02/04/2006 03:43

It seems to me that the fact alone that you feel guilty means you love your middle child to bits! Feeling guilty all the time seems to be part of motherhood, I found out.

Auntymandy · 02/04/2006 08:18

I hate mine equally!

SoupDragon · 02/04/2006 08:28

Yes. My favourite child changes minute to minute, day to day :o. All evens out over time though. I think I feel differently about each of them.

Blandmum · 02/04/2006 08:28

My mother had favorites. She was far more affectionate to my brother than to me. She vauled him far more( he was a boy, I was 'just' a girl). She never fully forgave me for doing better than he did.

It was horrible. She thought that she hid it, and used to say 'I don't have favorates' but that was a lie. She once told me notto visit a fried who was ill with Scarlet Fever as I amight come home and 'Give it to your brother'.

Even now , when she is senile, she still makes more fuss of my son than my daughter.

Auntymandy · 02/04/2006 08:43

my mum favours my elder brother!!
I love mine equally as well as hate them...honest!! :)

They are all different and I like and dislike many features!!

nutcracker · 02/04/2006 08:56

I have a closer bond with Ds than Dd1 and Dd2 and a closer bond with Dd2 than Dd1. It is something I am aware of all the time and constantly trying to fix, but it's hard, we just rub each other up the wrong way.

It is something I want to change though as it is following the same pattern as me and my siblings. The youngest was the favourite then there was me in the middle and my elder brother whom my mum really didn't get on with and for 10 years they didn't speak, so I am keen to avoid that at all costs.

tigermoth · 02/04/2006 09:13

If I persistently feel one son is my favourite, I take this as a hint from my subconscious that I am not giving my unfavourite son enough time and attention. It acts as a nudge to make me change my pattern of behaviour.

expatinscotland · 02/04/2006 09:59

nope. they're both different people with different qualities. that's what i love most about them.

PeachyLittleBunnyGirl · 02/04/2006 10:01

Hmmm. Favourites yes, but for different things. DS2 is a fave simply because he is so jovial and friendly, a loving little chap; ds2 because he is such a ray of sunshine; Sam is obviously demanding but in the evenings if he's calm, I can't beat a cuddle on the sofa with him, and he's excellent company one on one generally.

DH I think does appear to have favourites but have discussed and don't hink he really does, he just 'gets' ds2 and 3 better, finds Sam harder to relate to. But he adores him and they have great lego sessions together.

crazydazy · 02/04/2006 10:08

It upsets me too because I am always favouring DS over DD. DS is the youngest and he's very affectionate towards me, I too love cuddling. DD is very independent and not one for lots of affection, more like her Dad. I think its just because I relate better to DS, although DP does give him a lot of stick saying he is a "mummy's boy".

DD and I never get time together as DS is always around and when he's in bed we get a bit of time together before she goes to bed where I can devote my time to her.

izzybiz · 02/04/2006 10:42

i have one of each, my Ds is 13 and i had him when i was only 16. Its not that i love him more, but i think because hes my first, and because of the circumstances, i always felt it was me and him against the world.
My Dd is 22 months, and she is so different, shes a monster, but hilariously funny, and i like to think that with her i may have the same relationship that i have with my mum. we are so close.
I think that its a sex thing as well, im fiercley protective of my boy, i think that a girl will be ok because they are smarter, iykwim!

LadyTophamHatt · 02/04/2006 10:44

yes.
Ds3 because he hasn't learnt to asnwer back yet.

Troutpout · 02/04/2006 17:40

Yes...i favour ds when dd is being orrible...and dd when ds is.

ScummyMummy · 02/04/2006 17:42

Same as tigermoth

LadySherlockofLGJ · 02/04/2006 17:47

DS1 is my favourite, all the time...................

He is my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night, and my every thought in between, no other child gets a look in.

He is an only child.

amyjade · 02/04/2006 19:55

Love mine the same!!

Will love all my kids the same girls or boys there are my children whatever the sex but i do think the first born is always extra special well mine is anyway.

amyjade · 02/04/2006 19:55

Love mine the same!!

Will love all my kids the same girls or boys there are my children whatever the sex but i do think the first born is always extra special well mine is anyway.

nooka · 02/04/2006 20:31

I think that ds is more precious to me. He's my first born, and my only son, and I think he is probably quite similar to me - struggles with/enjoys similar things, so easier to relate to. That said I love dd very much too, but she is more cuddly so I don't feel so honoured by her hugs IYSWIM, and she generally finds life easier - she's a very extrovert alpha female type, so I don't feel the need to protect her so much. I do make sure that I spend time with both of them, and praise them for the things they do which are nice or I am proud of, and let them know several time a day when I am with them that I love them both very much.

Original poster

mumsy1234 · 02/04/2006 20:48

thankyou bellefleur i agree u do feel guilty all the time when your a parent.and i've realised that i love my middle child just as much as the others.i always have my eldest is my firstborn so is in that way special plus she is a mini me.and i adore my youngest because shes the baby and so cute and funny.i just need to spend more time with my middle child and get to know her better.shes so clever and is a little chatter box.she constantly talks and asks questions constantly.analizes everything.actully shes pretty wonderful

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anniebear · 02/04/2006 20:49

Not keen on either of mine at the moment!

Both have bad and good points and love them equally

and they were born together (12minutes in it!)

jac34 · 02/04/2006 20:52

I have a favourite, but I don't think it's anything to do with how much you love each child.
I'd say I feel the same love for both my DS twins,but I just have a stronger bond with DT2 because he is more like me and even at 7yo seems to know more what I'm thinking.
DH has a stronger bond with DT1, because he is more like him.
We only talked about this recently,and I was concerned in case it showed,but DH said he would never have known if I had not mentioned it,and I would have said the same about him.
I think it's natural,there is bound to be someone in your family you feel closer to than others.I feel more of a bond with my Dad than my Mum.

chipkid · 02/04/2006 21:55

I find dd significantly easier than ds and so tend to favour going out and about with her than with ds!
she is also highly affectionate whereas ds is like a cat-affection is always on his terms!

booge · 05/04/2006 14:24

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

mumsy1234 · 05/04/2006 21:57

i think some of u may have got the wrong end of the stick on this one of course its not about loveing one child more than another.u love all your kids the same but sometimes u are drawn more to one child due to maybe something in their personality or some other reason,its got nothing to do with love.having a greater bond or getting on better with one child is not loveing more i love all my children.but i still feel guilty for having the greatest bond with my first child .although none are treaed any different.

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