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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Persisting with an activity if child doesn't enjoy it...?

16 replies

MagicGenie · 01/04/2006 18:03

Hello all. I take my DS, aged 15 months, to a music class once a week. He used to love it but, since around his first birthday, he has taken a dislike to it.
DS isn't the most out-going child but gets clingy, shy and a bit upset when we walk through the door. He then returns to his normal self when we get home. It's been getting increasingly demoralising as the weeks have gone by cos both the other parents and the teachers have noticed how moody he is, as well as the fact that he is the only child there who doesn't participate.
I've persisted with it until now cos we'd pre-paid for the classes but have been in two minds whether to continue. Half of me wants to carry on taking him as I've read it's good to expose kids to lots of different experiences, and I wonder whether this is just a phase. The other half thinks I'm wasting time and money and should just resign myself to the fact that he doesn't like it.
What do you reckon? Any advice? Anyone had similar experiences? Thanks x.

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Jasnem · 01/04/2006 18:06

Do you do any thing else? If it's just this activity he obviously dislikes, then I wouldn't go. Maybe it's just not his thing, and he would like a different group.

Sparklemagic · 01/04/2006 18:13

My DS was like this with swimming lessons at about this age. I just gave up, no point in us both being miserable! We continued swimming just as a family and he loved it. I think don't force it. Spend time doing things he enjoys, and there will be plenty of time to re-introduce other things as he gets older.

auntyquated · 01/04/2006 18:15

i would stop. try to find something else and give it another go in 6 months or even try a differnt music class. but if he feels uncomfortable with this one and you continue to take him he may assoscaite music with feeling uncomfortable and it may put him off further.
don't waste your money- he doesn't enjoy it, it must be stressful for you because of this; why put yourselves through it?

Bugsy2 · 01/04/2006 19:04

I'd definitely knock it on the head. No point putting yourself & your ds through such a bad experience. Going to a baby/toddler class should be fun. Why not leave it & try again in a year's time.

Orinoco · 01/04/2006 20:49

I agree, I think you should stop going if he's not enjoying it. Try something else instead!

Skribble · 01/04/2006 20:51

I think at 15mths I would do something else for a while, if they were 6+ different story perhaps.

GeorginaA · 01/04/2006 20:53

I would stop - there's plenty of other toddler activities that also include music at some part of the activity (even tumbletots has a musical interlude) so doubt he would be missing out.

Original poster

MagicGenie · 02/04/2006 13:24

Hello again. Thanks all for your advice. We go to other playgroups etc where he doesn't react like this, so you're right - I should stop worrying about it.

It was just that DS's reaction to it has been so uncharacteristic. Like I said, he's not massively out-going and is a bit of a slow burner, but seeing him like that made me a bit concerned.

It also contributed to my worries that being a full-time mum in an area isolated from friends and family was making him anti-social and unable to adapt. But I think he's probably allowed 1 hour a week of feeling moody if he doesn't like something!

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knat · 03/04/2006 19:35

Had exactly the same with my dd. Went to music class when she was about 19 months and didn't like it very much at first - very new to her! She kept pointing to the door. But there was a progression after a few weeks and she definitely got something out of it. then we had a relapse and i decided that we wouldn't go for a while. We;re going back after Easter and she'll be 21/2 and has come on so much that i'm hoping she will be ok with it (also i need to get her into class type things as she will be going to preschool in September). Agree with the others to give it a break for a bit (i think it's important to keep going at first so they don't think they can kick up a fuss and not do something again!) but he's still young at 15 months.

Arabica · 04/04/2006 11:21

I would definitely stop for a while, maybe try when your DS is older. Maybe you could take him to see some live music instead--DS went music bonkers at about 2 and we would go to Covent Garden in London to watch buskers, or to free performances at the South Bank or Barbican.

Original poster

MagicGenie · 04/04/2006 13:01

That's a great idea - DH and I do dream about going to festivals again one day!

Knat - would be interested to hear how you get on after Easter. Perhaps having a break would be good for him.

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Hallgerda · 04/04/2006 15:34

I would stop taking him. I had a similar experience with DS2 when he was around that age. Yes, it's good to expose kids to lots of different experiences, but they don't all have to involve classes for toddlers. You could always listen to more music at home (that way you could choose something he likes!) or go to musical events near you, such as concerts in parks (often free, and easy to leave if your son doesn't like them). Arabica's ideas are good.

I wouldn't worry if your son doesn't want to go to any groups at all. They're really not as essential to development as their organisers and some smug pushy parents make them out to be.

knat · 04/04/2006 19:24

i'll let u know magicgenie!

mumsy1234 · 05/04/2006 22:04

my little girls love to dance.i enroled them both at ballet classes.they liked it at first but then my eldest got upset because she said it hurt her feet.so i took her out right away and let the younger child continue.i decided that maybe ballet wasn't the dance for her and have decided to look for something else.if the child isn't happy they won't get anywhere in the chosen activity anyway.i think its wrong to push them if they really don't like it.

lazycow · 06/04/2006 10:27

Ds loves music - at home he loves watching the sing and sign dvd we have and listening to CDs or even me singing (and that is an experience believe me !!). He likes the local toddler group we go to and seems t oenjoy the songs at the end. I recenetly tried another local class where there was lots of singing etc - well over three weeks he just got less and less keen and kept clinging to me.

The third time we went every time the other sang he started shaking his head, pointing to the door and crying - yet they were singing pretty much exactly the same songs as at his todder group - go figure !!. I just decided to leave it and will try again in a while.

tbh the groups are mostly to get me out anyway but if he hates them I'll take him to the park instead.

Original poster

MagicGenie · 06/04/2006 13:50

Lazycow - know what you mean - there is an element of wanting to give up myself cos the other mums are really nice etc but yeah - he loves the park/being in the garden/doing other stuff so...it's not the end of the world.

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