Behaviour management for 4 year old

[BertieBotts]

What works well for you? Up until now I've been very much reacting to each situation individually and trying to teach/guide rather than reward/punish but it's not working any more. I think I need something more concrete so that DS knows where he stands and I don't end up losing it

I'm rubbish at any kind of time out thing, I suppose because I haven't done it before now, but DS just gets up off the step/out of his room/wherever and can open all the gates so I can't lock him in any more! This did work really well though, when he couldn't open the bottom gate, he'd rage for about 2 minutes, and then calm down and be lovely. But now he just keeps following me around the house and I cannot physically keep putting him back AND stay calm, so that's out.

I've heard something about a pasta jar method? Could anyone explain that to me? Or anything else you find works for your 4 year old :)

We use time out and if they get up we start it again. Have heard of the jar method but not sure how it works. Think it is a Jo Frost thing and I'm always reluctant to take any of her advice as she hasn't got any children herself (and gives out nutritional advice when she really, really needs some herself!).

Have a look at this book or this one, your local library might have them.

Dr Tanya Byron is a parent, is a clinical psychologist so she really knows her stuff and all the books are evidence based, unlike Jo Frost's .

I think if I started time out again and again he'd end up on it all day! And/or I'd probably end up losing it first

I'm mainly looking for something that doesn't require a triumph of strength, because I'm a, weedy, and b, have a rubbish temper.

Also, I feel mean using something which is too punitive, would rather balance it out with positive too. But maybe I'm just being a wimp

We use the pasta jar - it's just a case of rewarding positive behaviour - and it works a treat.

We found an old plastic jug thingy and presented him with a piece of pasta when he was well behaved. At first, we made a big fuss of the presentation complete with a round of applause etc. Initially, this was fairly frequent but nowadays rarely used but still there as back up.

He would empty the pasta once a week, exchange the pieces for ready cash at Bank of Daddy and treat himself to something next time we were in the supermarket.

DS2 was a nightmare to discipline, did not respond to the naughty step but he truly loves praise so we play to that and ignore silliness and shouting.

Hope this helps, and good luck.