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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Getting 10 week old to sleep...

46 replies

ImogensMumJess · 29/10/2012 16:43

My beautiful daughter will only fall asleep on me breastfeeding her at night. As much as I love the cuddles, it's hard work for me, I'm knackered and her dad then doesn't and can't get involved. He has encouraged me to express, but when I have, she has drunk it in seconds and still wanted boob after.

I've read that controlled crying shouldn't be done till they are about 6 months, and it seems so harsh, I can't bare to hear her cry knowing a cuddle can sooth it! Do I just need to grow some balls?!!!

It generally takes about 2 hours to feed her and get her into a deep sleep where I can put her down in her cot and not wake her up...

Any advice appreciated!!!

OP posts:

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Rhubarbgarden · 01/11/2012 11:28

No. Some do it by themselves. My SIL has very easy babies who have all eaten and slept well without any fuss. She thinks motherhood is easy. Lucky, lucky her (and she has three under two). But I know many others who have children who have not learnt to self settle and their parents are on their knees with sleep deprivation after years of disturbed nights.

Iggly · 01/11/2012 12:14

I'm on my knees with sleep deprivation and sadly self settling has nothing to do with it! It wasn't the magic bullet once ds and dd could do it.

Rhubarbgarden · 01/11/2012 13:26

I think the younger they are when they learn to self settle, the better sleepers they are generally. The children I know who had to learn it later on are on the whole still not great sleepers. The children I know who we're helped to self settle from an early age (put down awake, not fed to sleep etc) are on the whole very good sleepers. Just my experience.

Rhubarbgarden · 01/11/2012 13:27

Were not we're

ZuleikaD · 01/11/2012 15:04

There's no evidence for that whatsoever.

noseynoonoo · 01/11/2012 16:15

Rhubarb, I think you need to stop now. I appreciate that you need to justify the way you parent your children but shall we remember that this was a thread from a mum wanting advice and support.

OP, your instincts are telling you to give your baby the comfort she needs. Your instincts are spot on. As a woman, as a mother, you literally do not need to 'grow some balls'. Babies who receive the comfort they need at this early time grow to be more secure generally and sleep better at say the age of 5.

Anecdotally I could tell you that my 6 yr old who I did controlled crying with is still a relatively poor sleeper; my 4 yr old who slept through with no help from us from 11 weeks is asleep within minutes of going to bed. However, anecdotes aren't so helpful. Just do what feels right for you, not what other people think you should do.

Good luck!

Iggly · 01/11/2012 18:43

Mine wake up because they have food intolerances and reflux. A very common cause of night wakings actually! So self settling is only a tiny part of it.

Rhubarbgarden · 01/11/2012 20:06

I am offering advice and support, Nosey, not setting out to justify my parenting. Just because you disagree with my opinions doesn't give you the right to tell me to stop. Iggly felt I was implying something which I was not, and I was responding to that suggestion.

noseynoonoo · 01/11/2012 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhubarbgarden · 01/11/2012 23:08

Where did I say that?? I recommended leaving to cry for a few minutes before responding, and using techniques such as shush pat, head stroking, etc.

But you have clearly decided to demonise my suggestions because they differ from yours.

noseynoonoo · 01/11/2012 23:24

I'm asking for my post to be deleted. I am hormonal, full of cold and coming across as a twat. Apologies.

ZuleikaD · 02/11/2012 09:57

I didn't think you were coming across as a twat.

noseynoonoo · 02/11/2012 13:19

Thank you Zuleika. I have reported myself though!

Livened · 03/11/2012 23:38

I would second the shush pat idea. I followed the Baby Whisperer from about week 6, and by 9 weeks, my son (first little one so I was and still am a bit clueless) self settled and slept through 12 hours. He's now 9 months old, and he has slept through ever since, even through teething, illness etc. I know it sounds crazy wanting a newborn to be independent at such an early age, but he's so happy in his own space in his cot. I'm sure baby number two (when they come along one day) will prove all my theories wrong and I'll be back on here looking for advice.

Enjoy our newborn IMJ, it's true they do grow up so quickly ;-)

Eggsbon · 04/11/2012 03:38

Have you considered formula feeding for the last feed before bed? That way your other half can help too, if the expressed milk is being guzzled down so quickly. I know some people would rather no mixed feeding at all, but if you feel like you need support this could help...
We tried controlled crying which worked well for us, but not until our son was 6 months - I wouldn't feel comfortable trying it any younger than that.
Also, is part of the trouble putting her down without waking her up after she has fed? If so, if she's in a Moses basket, try taking the mattress out and lying her on that when you're feeding her - then she won't have the shock of a cold mattress when you put her down.. Also, when I put my daughter down, if she seems a bit restless I stay really close so she can still hear me breathing and feel warmth from me until I feel she has drifted off properly. I hope this helps.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/11/2012 10:15

The formula may work but probably not and the op may want to preserve the virgin gut of her lovely LO.

The formula may cause digestive problems and baby may wake more rather than less. Also, she's already tried a bottle of ebm and baby still wanted the warmth and comfort of her.

Second the suggestion of a warm mattress, but the way we all got most sleep was to stick them in bed us.

Have you tried the no cry sleep solution OP?

Eggsbon · 05/11/2012 04:53

I appreciate formula isn't for everyone - just trying to give her options so she can get some respite! I thought the problem with bottle feeding the expressed milk was that she demolished the lot and still wanted boob... I interpreted that as hungry baby, you interpreted that as needing comfort from her mummy. Could be either. Unfortunately I wasn't able to breast feed my DS so tried a variety of formulas - we found Aptimil was best for him and caused no tummy problems (a couple of the others we tried did). Like I said formula isn't for everyone, but it is an option to take the pressure off you every now and again...

JiltedJohnsJulie · 05/11/2012 07:00

Didn't want to seem to be having a go at you, just wanted to offer an alternative perspective on offering formula. My mw said to me "formula isn't a magic formula".

Downing a bottle of anything and then wanting the boob isn't a sign of hunger if bf babies, just normal baby behaviour

OP try googling kellymom will my baby sleep formula.

Eggsbon · 07/11/2012 03:28

No worries at all :)

Another idea if she wakes when you try and put her down which I had forgotten about was to hold her hands. My DD appears to be in a deep sleep when i'm holding her, but when I put her down her arms start flailing around - she starts rubbing her eyes and wakes herself up. If you gently hold her hands she generally settles down and drifts off properly. It'll only work if she's nearly off though...I wouldn't do it if her eyes are open or if she resists the hand holding.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 07/11/2012 09:53

Think the OP has done a runner anyway Eggs .

RowanTreesJoeAtChristmas · 07/11/2012 11:54

Aww don't leave her to cry at this age. I know it's tempting though and you just want a few hours to yourself in the evenings. I have been there as most new mums are at some point or another. My first DS came along and was a doddle at night time, quick feed and straight down in his cot. He hardly ever woke for a feed and when he did he went straight back down again til 8am and by 9 weeks was reliable sleeping 13 hours a night straight. Even now age 5yrs he is a fantastic sleeper, still goes straight to sleep after stories, lights out and he's fast asleep within minutes. I thought this is what babies did, I couldn't understand all the mum's going on about sleep deprivation and rocking babies to sleep etc etc..... Then I had DS2 10 months ago... I get it now!

Some (most) babies need a lot of comfort and help getting to sleep. I had to hold DS2 and rock him to sleep for months whilst he screamed from tiredness. If I put him down his screams became hysterical and it was just awful. Even now at 10 months I still feed him to sleep but I can now pop him down in his cot straight away and he has finally started sleeping through 12 hours a night, but I know it could all change again so suddenly.

Babies are very very hard work. some more than others. My DS1 was actually much harder work in the day despite being such a good sleeper at night whereas DS2 is far more cheerful. Swings and roundabouts I suppose but all bloody hard! It's gets better. She won't be needing to breast feed to sleep when she's 12 and then you'll miss it I bet.

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