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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I don't want to bite my baby

43 replies

aimingtobeaperfectionist · 26/10/2012 08:57

So we had friends over the other night and their DC has just got 2 teeth through so we were saying 'ooh just wait for the biting to start!' as we have a DC a bit younger it's obviously on my mind this will be something we will probably have to deal with. Anyway, the DH says 'I'll bite DC back. I've done it before and it works.' to which DW says 'yes I've already pulled her hair to teach her not to pull mine'.
I was 'wtf?!' but didn't say anything as I was a bit shocked and their parenting is quite different to ours.
I'm just not into this kind of punishment for kids, I'd rather try to teach DC its wrong and not to do it rather than 'I can bit harder than you'. Am I alone in thinking this? I also felt a bit that I couldn't say 'oh no that's not what we'll be doing'. Don't really know why. They think we're a bit 'woo' anyway as we ebf and DC still sleeps in our room (5momths).

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Greensleeves · 26/10/2012 14:59

CharleeWarlee that was a disgusting and inappropriate thing to do.

And saying "nibbled" instead of "bit" doesn't dilute it

Do you "tap" her if she hits you, or give her a "little tug" if she pulls your hair? fgs.

GoldenGreen · 26/10/2012 15:01

I don't often say this, but your friends are really, really stupid.

And cruel.

EarnestDullard · 26/10/2012 15:01

That's ridiculous. Teaching a child that something is naughty by doing the same thing back to them? What kind of lesson is that? And the thought of doing that to a baby just takes it to an even higher level of wrong.

Iggly · 26/10/2012 15:02

Don't bite your child! Man alive.

As for a young biter - preempt them and stop it happening if possible.

My dd bites me - she's 11 months but it's because she's teething. Certainly not deliberate with the intention of hurting.

This thread remindsme of someone on MN who's friend used timeout on babies as young as 6 months

CharleeWarlee · 26/10/2012 15:06

Greensleeves, everyone has their own opinion. Some people probably wont bother owning up or commenting.

Yes I nibbled her arm after she bit me really hard which drew blood and left a bruise for 2 weeks, it left no mark, she cried but for a massive matter of about 20 seconds and there wasnt even any tears.

And yes to your other questions. I have tapped her if shes hit me hard and finds it hilarious and i have gave her hair a small tug - again not enough to hurt her - if she has pulled me hair on purpose.

All of this was when she was 3, so hardly a baby

Greensleeves · 26/10/2012 16:29

wow

I don't think it's true that lots of people behave like this and don't admit it. IME people who think it's OK to deliberately hurt a small child to "teach" them don't have any intelligence inhibitions about telling others about it.

nannyof3 · 26/10/2012 16:48

If a baby bites u, scream out really loud, to make baby jump and cry, then walk away and leave them for a minute, they wont do it again, trust me

matana · 26/10/2012 17:01

God no, you're not alone. Your friends sound like total nutters.

JellyBelly10 · 26/10/2012 21:04

A mum at my DS's school once told me that when her son (who I think was about 2-3 at the time) started biting she did what she had (apparently!) heard you did to horses! So she proudly told us all that the first time her son bit her she rammed her hand as far into his mouth as she could until he was gagging on it!!!! !!!! I seriously cannot believe that if people are doing these sort of barbaric things that they think they are ok enough to admit to in public!

VerySmallSqueak · 26/10/2012 21:11

If mine bit I said 'OW!' very theatrically and nursed the bitten part.

Then I said 'no' firmly and 'that hurt Mummy' and looked stern and hurt

No way should biting back even be considered.

colditz · 26/10/2012 21:21

If your child bites you and they have bitten you with intent to hurt you, you yell with pain and then tell them how much they have hurt you.

It's actually a rare child who wants to really hurt their mother. They may really want to hit their mother, but that doesn't mean they want to hurt her.

Of course, if you slap them back, bite them back, pull their hair back, you come into a lot of problems. From the child's point of view, he or she can no longer trust their mother to behave like an adult. From the adults point of view, you now have a child who has been shown by his or her main carer that inflicting deliberate pain on people is what we do when we are angry.

It doesn't teach them that it hurts, or to respect their mother, or that biting is wrong. It teaches them not to provoke their mother, because their mother is a volatile asshole who sometimes flips out and hurts them.

I taught both of mine not to bite, and I did it without biting them.

KateShmate · 26/10/2012 22:14

Never agreed more with a post, colditz

I don't understand the reasoning behind it - biting is wrong, yes? So mummy bites you back... of course.
You should never pull hair - so mummy pulls yours back?
Same with smacking - children get hit for... hitting another child!?
So are these actions right or wrong?

Its ludicrous and it makes absolutely no sense!
Its pretty hypocritical of parents really.

LonelyCloud · 27/10/2012 00:50

I agree with you, OP.

DS has been a bit bitey recently - I mentioned this to a colleague at work, and he told me that I should bite DS back. Apparently colleague bit his young DS after his DS bit his big sister. Colleague obviously thought that this was an entirely normal and appropriate thing to do to a toddler as well

I have not bitten DS back, and am not going to. I'm going with saying "OW! No biting!" It might take a bit of time, but it'll be better for him in the long run.

Biting him just seems cruel. Especially as he's not doing it with any intent to hurt anyone.

LilQueenie · 27/10/2012 01:24

I literally have dd swinging from my hair. Its long and she tends to grab it to stop herself falling over or to pull herself up. I dont complain. Shes a child it happens. My sisters mum however bit my sis as a toddler for biting someone else. cruel bitch.

midseasonsale · 27/10/2012 21:16

tell him to just walk away and ignore baby if he is bitten. It works.

BabydollsMum · 28/10/2012 06:15

A couple of months ago DD managed to rip quite a significant chunk of my long hair out. It still looks awful. Yes, I was cross but it never occurred to me to reciprocate because, quite obviously, she's an innocent.

MrsBucketxx · 28/10/2012 06:31

i had terrible trouble with ds bighting, there was no agression at all with it, i did some research and is miss placed affection.

bighting back would have stoped him showing he loved me.

i got some whopping bruises but he did grow out of it i i never bit back.

Woodyhels · 28/10/2012 07:12

I am kinda comforted by your thread, I have had a lot of people tell me we are woo because of limiting tv when dd 13 months is around and when she started biting me (and daddy but no one else) at 11 months we had no end of people telling us to bite back.

Needles to say we didn't, I say, we don't bite we kiss and give her kisses, then when she goes to do it again we repeat and kiss before she can bite. We think at the moment it is teething behaviour as it is repeated every so many weeks.

Also had no end of people tell us we are odd for not giving her juice only water or milk...

I have to bite my tongue a lot with other parents and at baby groups!

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