DS tantrums when leaving Grandma's - any advice?

[josie81]

DS is 2.6, mostly very well behaved (for 2 yr old!!), but every time I pick him up from my mum's, he does everything possible to delay...refusing to put shoes on, or put toys away, running off, etc and then when the time comes to actually leave he often throws a big tantrum and refuses to move.

This ends in a very unpleasant scene of me having to carry/drag him to the car, feeling a bit of a crappy mother since my child is so appalled at the thought of coming home with me (of course he's absolutely fine as soon as we get home!).

This is becoming more stressful as he gets bigger (and since I am pregnant and finding the child wrangling more of a challenge). No amount of distraction or use of the naughty step seems to solve this particular problem...anyone experienced similar and have any useful tips? Thanks!

Oh should have mentioned, DM looks after him 3 days a week while I'm at work.

I find bribery and/or threats work well.

'If you come without a fuss you'll get X'

'If I get to 10 and you're not coming I'll do Y'

It's at the point where if I even just say '1' my son does what I want. Sometimes I even forget to tell him the consequences. One day that will bite me on the bottom, I'm sure...

It's a phase he will grow out of. Not very helpful I know but my ds used to do it. I tried everything. The only thing that worked was pretending to drive off without him and going round the block. By the time I got back to my mum's door he'd be there on the pavement, shoes and coat on looking like butter wouldn't melt. Pretty drastic but the only thing that worked for me!

God that makes me sound a terrible mother!

I found a five minute warning worked wonders. Just five more minutes and then we must go because granny's going out/cooking her tea/etc etc so have one last play with whatever you want.

Imagine if someone came round and said 'quick, come on we're going'. You'd say hang on I need to go to the loo, put my coat on and leave a note saying whats for tea.

I'd agree that if you are in your mum's house you need to prepare him to leave so count down the warnings - 5 minutes, 2 minutes etc. Even phone and speak to him that you are on the way and ask him to be waiting to wave hello at the door. Tell him you have his favourite snack with you etc. Let him be a 'big boy' and help put stuff in the car when you first arrive: have your mum ready with him at the door to load his stuff in from the day and then all go back in together for 5 minutes or so (if you can extract him again pleasantly, otherwise just get in and go) where he can show you what he has been playing with, drawing etc. Ask your mum to do some activities with him (baking, drawing, play-doh) where he has something he is going to be excited to show you/load into the car to take home.

It is a phase - they are just not good at transitioning at this age and leaving things/places where they are having fun. DD1 used to refuse to come home from nursery!

Good luck!

I agree, plenty of preparation and warning first. It is no consolation but it is a phase.

Thanks everyone. I tried the 5 minute warning/countdown tonight and it did improve things a lot, also we borrowed some books from the 'granny library' to take back tomorrow, which encouraged him to want to go home to read them. So no tantrums, hooray!