Dd tells lies

[ElinElin]

I have sometimes caught dd out telling small lies or more like making things up. But the other day she came home from school and told me and dh that something had happend in school. We even phoned the school and dd knew we were phoning the school and was still going ahead with her lie. We then found out she was lying and when she knew that we knew she admitted it . We got quite cross with her and I was very disappointed. I have always told her its always better to tell the truth even if you've done something wrong. And I know a few occasions when she has told the truth about something she did that she shouldn't have done. Which is why I was so surprised that she lied to my face. Even after we had serious words with her , the next day she lied 'made something up ' about Something so trivial I don't know why she would bother lying about it. I don't know how to handle it and I find it difficult to believe things she says now.

All I can say is hopefully its just a phase. My dd1 is a bit like this but otherwise she is a very sensible girl who I hope is just trying it on as part of her learning and development.

We are nipping it in the bud and explaining to her that it's a bit naughty and we would like to be able to believe her and trust her to do the right thing. It's work in progress though.

How old is she?

She is 6.

It is a very normal developmental think at this age, they are developing their own moral values and so a very consistent approach is what is needed. I wouldn't over react or punish too much as some times when children continue to lie it can because they are thriving in the attention they gain from being found out. I would just have the standard response that you are disappointed. Tell her the story of the boy who cried Woolf or tell her a story about someone you know who told a lie and had some serious consequences.

I have a family member who is a compulsive liar and they needed up alienated from family and friends and became a very lonely old man with MH issues. I once told my dd a version of how, every one lost trust in him and he ended up all alone, dd thought very hard about this and remembers this story and sometimes brings it up when she knows someone has lied or she has not been truthfully.

My dd can't lie for tofffee so it's often easy to recognise and just say I don't believe you and I don't want to hear you tell fibs. She has never lied about anything major. In your position I would maybe have got the head teacher on board and possibly get them to have a word about why its not acceptable to make things up.

You could also be pleased as the ability to lie is quite a big developmental step.

You just have to make it clear to her that lies will be caught out, and that they have consequences - ones that go with the lie. I have constantly told my kids the story of the boy who cried Wolf etc.

That reminds me, my mum used to put lying powder on our dinners that would turn put tongues black...no one ever found out, as if we had lied we would always then own up. Maybe not the best tactic but we all believed it for years and it worked as a bit of a deterrent.

Lying is a big no no in my house, and my children whenever they are caught lying, get a punishment if they have done something wrong, and then a second punishment if they lie about it. No big deal, no fuss but always a punishment. How big a punishment will depend on the seriousness of the lie. For example, if its just a stupid silly lie, then it'll just be a sad face on their reward chart to show I'm disappointed in them and so on...

Needless to say, they don't lie much - but they have a friend who does tell lies, and they get really irate with him!