3yo DS coming to our bed EVERY SINGLE NIGHT

[TrippleBerryFairy]

I'm getting quite desperate about this and hoping someone has an answer/suggestion/recipe on how to sort it out.

3y/o DS has slept in his own bed/own room since he was 1 or so. Occasionally he would wake me up in the night with a cry or so, that was not a problem, I would go in and stay with him until he was asleep again.

However,lately he has developed a habit of coming into our bed EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. I have to wake up around 5.30 to get to work so initially when this started I thought it was just an odd occurence and allowed him to stay with us. Probably a mistake but because I feel tired most of the time it seemed easier to just let him stay or move myself and him into the spare room in the middle of the night and sleep there (as our bed is not big enough for 3 of us).

I have made an effort of putting him back to bed when he comes but even if I succeeed, after some 2 hours I wake up to see him lying next to me again, bless him... Last night it happened 3 times. Needless to say I am very tired.

He seems to have become rather clingy overall lately - he want me all the time, doesn't like daddy, this morning DP had to peel him off of me so that I could go to work... At bedtime he talks about being scared of the dark, talks about monsters, asks me not to leave him etc.

This might be related to the fact that he started preschool although I am a bit unsure - he only goes there for 3 hours 3 days a week (so 9 hrs total a week), apart from that there are no changes - same childminder, same routine...

I do love hugging him and falling asleep with him cuddled into me but this is just not sustainable - I haven't had proper sleep for over a month now and feel it is affecting my moods and work!

I would appreciate if you had such a phase and how you managed to sort it out. I don't mind clingyness but comming into our bed EVERY night has to stop...

No advice but my son who is 4.5 is the same. He has came in every night for the last couple of years. At first I didn't mind so much but he's getting bigger and there is just no room for him. I bought a Gro-clock sleep trainer but he just ignores it and still comes in. I'm hoping it starts to work soon.

Can't you sleep when he's in with you? What a pain. I sleep like a dead pig so the whole bloody house could dance on me and I'd not wake up!

I suggest that you take some leave if possible and use the time to begin a regime of taking him back to bed as soon as he arrives in your bed.

This should work if you're firm but might take a week...so you'll be even more tired...which is why time off might be needed!

Why can't you sleep when he's with you? You say you've woken up to find him there, so he can't be disturbing you too much?

I would just leave him tbh, get the sleep you need by not taking him back to his room 3x a night and trust he will go back to his own room once he's ready.

We've just moved across the world, ds1 3 1/2 years was obviously unsettled by it all and started coming into bed with us. We left him to it and a week later, he has happily gone back into his own bed/room.

xminerva well that's not the point is it. Not everyone likes a squirmyy toddler in with them. My DH can't cope with it and gets out and into the DC bed...I don't mind at all....the OP says she can't. That's that.

I wish i could sleep with him in but ourbed is just not big enough! I end up in the middle on my side in awkward positions and get up with shoulder/ neck pain! Last time i was seriously considering setting off for work at 2am, it seemed like a better option than the pain!

I would be inclined to just sleep in spare room with him but then that's becoming a habit and also then we have no place to hang the laundry... Cant sleep in a room with wet laundry hanging!

I might have to just start being firm. Or investigate why he keeps waking up. Which is odd as we recently dropped daytime nap so he should be more tired and sleep better!

My now 8 year old did this. Here's what we did after advice from decent enough hv:
Arrange time off work- a few days should be enough. Put a stair gate on his bedroom door. Commence a ritualistic bedtime routine. Close the stair gate on your way out. The theory is that he feels safer knowing the boundaries. Deal with each wakening by putting him back into his own bed, and leaving the room. Stay calm and loving. Make him feel safe in his bed. After a few nights the penny drops. I remember so well, the first night my ds had me up 26 times, it reduced with each night and he eventually stayed in his own bed. The stair gate stayed on for months, which allowed me to remove it from the stairs, just a suggestion that worked for us!

I purposely co-slept with mine. 3.9 year old DS2 is now in the transition bit, he has his own bed and sleeps there if he chooses to. He's totally free to come in to me if he likes, but the rules are that he must be civilised (no kicking, no talking ) He now sleeps in my bed about 60% of the time, and it's steadily decreasing.

They're all different, DD was a full time solo sleeper (again by choice) at this age, DS1 was over 5.

(I bought a king size bed, BTW)

Put him back to bed, every time he comes in. It is the biggest PITA but eventually he will stop doing it. You have to be consistent. He is being consistent (ie coming in to your bed) and it's working for him. If you don't want him in your bed, or to have to sleep with him in the spare room, do not allow it.