19 month year old tantrums/getting him into pushchair fights

[cyberfairy]

My toddler is getting very forceful in his tantrums and at home I try to ignore him until he calms down, wears himself out and comes for cuddle but when we out and he is having a tantrum I am struggling to deal with him as I can't ignore him when he is banging his head on the pavement and people are staring.
This is usually due to letting him walk which I like to let him do but then he refuses to hold my hand and bolts off and we also live a bit too far of a walk from town to let him walk there and back.
When I try and get him in the pushchair he goes rigid, flails and also slides down superfast so buckling him in is a nightmare and yesterday was almost in tears and was pretty much fighting with him.
Have tried negotiation but he does not seem to understand it, have told him off in desperation and spoken sharply which had no effect, and have normally been calm and firm but to no avail.
Any advice on how to deal with this? I have tried letting him walk from beginning until he is tired but we live at bottom of steep narrow hill with no footpath and he cannot walk properly and safely along it. I have a backpack with reigns but prefer to use other methods as I end up pulling him along when he refuses to walk. I need the pushchair for shopping as well and we normally do a good few miles which I think is maybe a bit much for him plus I want him to occasionally fall asleep in pushchair when naptime!
Any ideas most welcome and appreciated :-)

Yes we have this, once DD is out of pushchair that's it, I will never get her back in it! I usually try not to let her out the buggy if she's OK in it as I know it will be traumatic when she goes back in. I have a travel system and mclaeran (sp) and for some reason she loves to go in the mclarean but hates sitting in the travel system pushchair, so that is currently tempering the problem. I usually just force her in the buggy and ignore her screams and evil glares from passers by and push her until she calms down. If she's out ad won't hold hands/runs away then either she is carried (but she is v heavy!), put back in the buggy whether she likes it or not or has reins put on. Gtg DD moaning. HTH a little, will be interested in responses.

Hi, my DD was very similar. I allow her to walk for as long as she likes and then when she is tired I tell her that it's "time for a rest" and I offer her some raisins/snack or a drink. This has worked really well for us and touch wood she now goes into the pushchair really well when she needs to and has even started to ask for a rest!!!. Some people may see this as bribery but hey if it prevents a meltdown I am all for it

Cheers for that-got rid of the icandy as boy hated it as reclined too much and now in Quinny Zapp-which he can escape from :-(
Have resorted to raisins and ricecakes when in pushchair but in the transition/screaming monster stage he can't listen or react as in such a state. This only happens when its mummy trying to get him by the way. Childminder and daddy have had few problems.

I'm a little embarrassed to offer this as advice, but what has worked for me with my 17month old was to develop an association between the buggy and a little snack .

It's not a bribe as such, and certainly not to 'reward' a tantrum, it's more preemptive, and around the time he would require a snack anyway. I think they tire out pretty quickly and need lots of little snacks at this age anyway, as they're burning so much energy.

So for example, I'd take him out in the buggy from home to somewhere he could walk fairly freely, tire him out a little then at the point when I would need him back in say would you like something to eat now and a little rest? then kind of say let's get you back in the buggy so you can have it. Usually something like a rice cake to keep him occupied while you get on with what you need to. I now find that he gets in of his own accord now when he's tired and doesn't always require the incentive, it was more breaking the negative association he had with the buggy iyswim. Also I think it helps if he knows what's coming.

When he is in full thrash, say if I try and take him away from something interesting, I usually stop trying to put him in the buggy at that point, as I know it isn't going to end well, and just hold him or try and distract him (if possible) until it passes, then when he is calm, firmly carry on strapping him in. I find he is usually is more pliable on a second try, having used up his energy on the first one!

I know how hard it is when they do the flailing thing, my ds is a whopper and sometimes I find it hard to restrain him. Try not to worry about other people, it is what toddlers do from time to time, they are so frustrated with their limitations, and it will have happened to most at some stage!

Ah cross-posted, obviously not as food oriented as mine!

Thanks for that-have had a bag of ricecakes hanging from the buggy-both for me and him-often the problem is when I pick him up from his childminders after my work and I am not sure if he may be hungry or not. Have tried distracting but he is incapable of looking around and just hysterical-I have tried holding him and cuddling him and then he wants to be held, clings so I push buggy, hold bags etc etc whilst cuddling which is very hard work and when I put him back down, the problem escalates but I feel bad as not seen him all day and think he might be wanting physical contact.

I try to give it to him at childminders but he is too desperate to go for a walk to park etc and almost ignores me to get to door.

Sounds like it is over excitement at seeing you, if that's any comfort.

I guess maybe you need some way of making him feel like he's reconnected with you before he transitions into the buggy. Is there any little song or rhyme he likes that you do together at home that you could maybe do with him as you put him in? Start it while you're cuddling him so he's into it before he gets into tantrum mode. Or a toy he is fond of that maybe doesn't come out often that you can give to him while you carry him out - my DS has a small car with a cowboy in it that I keep in my handbag for 'emergencies' and it has started to become a bit of a comforter.

Don't know if any of that might help, it's all trial and error I think, I still end up juggling boy, buggy and shopping more often than I'd like.

We have a Bugaboo Bee, so not sure whether you've got similar straps but I've developed a method of popping my 20mo in with one hand while holding the bottom strap up with the other so that it's over her crotch and the hand that's got the bottom strap is holding her down firmly while the other hand is free to do the arms.

Also, I don't make a meal of it beforehand like, 'come on DD, time to get into your buggy'. I don't say anything at all and just plonk her in and sometimes it's such a shock that she doesn't have time to even think about planking.

Distraction is good too - doesn't have to always be food though, just something to go in her hands. But the other day, as if by magic a team of canada geese flew past at just the right moment and I got her in. Mwhahahahaha!