DD has bitten another child - temper is horrendous

[TantrumsandBananas]

Will try not to dripfeed....

OK, so she was 3 a couple of weeks ago. I stopped taking her to toddler groups about last April, because her behaviour was awful. I literally had to stalk her round the room, we had pushing, hitting, pinching. In the end, I decided it was best just to stay away, thought perhaps she had outgrown them. Gave her the benefit of the doubt.

At home I do the naughty step, and also the naughty shelf - take a toy away and sit it up there - usually 24 hours. Tell her why its up there.

The ONLY times she has been smacked (open splayed hand on a nappied bottom) was when she bit me. It was more a short sharp shock type of smack, I did it because I had do it IYSWIM so that she would be shocked and realise that what she had done was very serious. Please don't flame me I do NOT hit my child. I have no idea where she has learn such violent behaviour.

So back to present. Since starting Playgroup September 3 mornings a week, I did think that she had improved, infact the leaders said she had, shouting and hitting had stopped, generally much better behaved. Described her as just very confident.

Personality wise etc. She is bright, she talks and acts alot older than she is. Needs constant stimulation. Rubbish at sleeping, Never sleeps a whole night, wants to get up and play. Soaks up information, alphabet, counting etc.

So, pick her up today, and she has bitten another child, really quite badly. The leader pulled me to one side to tell me. I asked should I speak to the other parent, and was told that No, they would deal with it. I feel awful. So when she was dragged off the other child, she headbutted one of the leaders and has a bruised forehead, and a grazed lip. Its not bad, my concern is the temper and loss of control that led her to bite someone and then injure herself.

I have talked to her this afternoon, and all she has said is "I wanted her to go away" - the child she bit.

I feel like I have tried everything, the good, the bad and the ugly so to speak. She is "that child" and I am just unsure what to do now.

Any advice? Anyone else been where I am and made it better?

Help!

No advice I'm afraid re biting as DS wasn't a biter - BUT he got bitten a number of times. I wanted to post as one of those mums. I NEVER blamed a child/parent/ pre school for DS being bitten. I understood that some children do this and that if it's happening people would be working to prevent it. Please don't let other parents get you down. They'll have their smug smiles wiped from their faces one day when their child picks up a behaviour that's unacceptable.

DS has other behaviours that need correcting - although I'm still trying to get it right

FWIW my friends DD was very similar to yours - horrific temper that seemed to come out of no-where. She's 7 now and out grown most of it and it just someone with a strong personality. She hated the anger and often trying to 'punish' it made her angrier.

Perhaps she can have a space thats for her to go to when she feels cross with cushions and the 'dog' toys she could bite. Personally I think it's trying to encourage them to realise being angry is OK, that biting/hitting etc isn't but there is an outlet for her anger if she needs it. I don't believe telling a child whos angry not to do what they're doing to let the anger out works but giving them an alternative can iyswim?

You sound like a great mum btw

Thanks for the lovely replies, and Hollie I hope you get some help for your DD.

Mixed weekend, started a whole new process with the playgroup of praising good behaviour. Putting stars up on the wall with behaviour acheivements.

Seems very keen on that! She very nearly bit me this afternoon, but I cuddled her til she calmed down. Small steps me thinks!

Hi all

Another biting incident at playgroup. A different child. This was on Wednesday, pretty much had two days of screaming banshee/hitting/nipping/punching/kicking you name it she has done it. any Hardly sleep etc etc.

Thankfully I know the mum of this weeks child and she has been lovely about it. Unfortunately, it was witnessed by someone else, who is spreading the word unfortunately. My defence is to be EXTREMELY to this lady, OTT. I find it confuses as they want to dislike me, but can't. But thats just tiredness babble.

I had a lovely chat today, with one of the playgroup nurses, fantastic lady and I respect what she has said. She hinted, but let me say it, that perhaps DD is hyperactive. I mean I don't know alot about this but, lets just say, I have made an appointment at the Doctors. So many things.

The aggression
Very Emotional
Hardly Sleeps
Obsessive about things being out of place. Example: Complete fall on the floor meltdown as I didn't put her toothbrush back in the pot, but next to it.
Her diet is ridiculously limited. She will only eat a few foods, and mostly its bread and water. Or one type of ham, or one type of sausage. Oh and one sort of crisps. Trying to get her to try a French Frie took 3 days. It sounds horrid, please Food Police leave me alone, I have tried everything!!!
Taking her clothes of as soon as we are in.
Very Tomboyish.
Head Strong is an underestimate.

One or two on their own, OK, but added together....I think I didn't WANT to think this?

Babble babble, lack of sleep. Hope this makes sense - anyone about?

Yes it makes sense. I agree that all together the symptoms do show a child who's mind works slightly differently - well done for making a GP appointment.

Now you need to write everything down again for him! Its the best way so you remember everything.

This is all very overwhelming for you but you are trying to help your DD and that is much more important than the bad behaviour iyswim?

And you know where we are.

You?re doing a great job for your DD and it?s good that you?re staying so positive. It can be very draining though so remember to be kind to yourself as well as to your DD.

If your DD?s mind does work a bit differently from most other kids then it will take time to work out exactly how best to support her and there are bound to be wobbles meantime. So even if her behaviour is sometimes aggressive it doesn?t mean you?re doing anything wrong, you're doing the best you can with the knowledge you have. It isn?t easy but you are doing the right things for her and you can be proud.

Didn't want to read & run. You sound like you're really doing everything right with your DD. She also sounds like she's a very bright little girl. My DD gets v frustrated with other children. She's very verbal & when children don't respond to her asking them to stop doing something etc, she gets annoyed. She went through a biting phase. Only with one specific child who was quite physical with her. DD would say 'don't hit me' for example & when this child didn't stop she would take a chunk out of her. She was like a shark, you almost had to poke her in the eye to make her let go!
She's never done it to anyone else & hasn't bitten in over a year.
She's 3.5 now and at full time pre-school.
On another note, she has a friend who sounds v much like your DD. This child is terribly bright, v fussy about food & gets frustrated with other children especially those who can't communicate well & gets physical with them. Hitting, scratching etc.
Nursery are working really well with her & her behaviour there is almost like a different child.
Hope it all sorts itself out, but you really seem like you are doing a wonderful job .

Thank you - lovelyresponses as always. Yep can hear her stiring upstairs. She is fighting already and she has only been awake ten minutes! Poor Daddy - I'm hiding in the kitchen with a coffee! Not a bad night even though she didn't go to sleep til 10.

She is going to Nana's tonight, so a night off!

Can you and DH/P go out somewhere for some food/ film/ drinks or get a take out/ film?

It must be difficult not having evenings together as DD is awake.

Just do me one favour - when she is having a great time at Nanas STEP AWAY FROM THE HOUSEWORK

Well its quiet....I went to work yesterday, I started a new job this week. My DH stayed at home and did some housey things, it was good!

We had a talk last night, and we discussed "those" children where we have simply thought they were out of control. (This was before our own DD was born). We sort of laughed, you know?

We have vowed that our patience will know no bounds! Now that we have both acknowledged that we think she is wired slightly differently its much easier I think. My appointment with the Doctor isn't til a week on Tuesday (really!). Face to Face appointments are like gold dust, unless you want to discuss on the phone, thats the earliest I could get as her leg isn't dropping off! However it does mean I have plenty of time to prepare.

I am going to keep a food diary this week (HA!) But at least I will have done that, they are bound to ask me to. It will be boring, bread and water with the odd sausage here and there...