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Behaviour/development

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lying

6 replies

xapplex · 24/03/2006 13:17

just lately my 5 year old dd keeps lying to me and its driving me nuts.
i know that children lie because they think that telling the truth about what they did wrong will get them into more trouble but in this case it wont, its silly things like she knows that jumping of her high sleeper bed will get her into trouble but she also knows that lying to me will get her into more trouble so i dont understand why she feels that lying to me will make it easier for her.

anyone have any ideas on how to try to stop this, i dont want her growing up thinking that its ok to lie to me. i have explained that lying is wrong but its made no difference.

any help greatly appreciated.

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footiemad · 24/03/2006 13:30

I'm having exactly the same with my 7yr old at mo. He lies about about really silly things,like "so and so's cat died yesterday", i say,"that's sad isn't it", and he will say "not really" and laugh!!. It is really annoying.
I think it's just an attention thing, and will go away soon (hope) Grin

Miaou · 24/03/2006 13:32

I think all kids go through this stage, even when it is made very clear to them from the off that lying is unacceptable. Dd2 in particular has done this (and sometimes still does). Things that work for us:

If she owns up and admits what she did wrong, the first thing we say is, "thank you for telling the truth. That was a good thing to do. I am very unhappy that you jumped off the bed, because [insert reason]. But I am pleased that you didn't lie to me about it".

If she lies about what she has done, and it's fairly obvious when she does, we point out that we know she is lying, and tell her why. "I know you are lying because your eyes look different/your body language changes when you lie" - that way she knows that "I know you're lying" isn't just a stab in the dark. (However she can't tell just what gives her away so she can't cover up!!)

If she's done something naughty and lied about it, then we make it clear that whatever punishment she receives, it is for the lie, not the naughty deed. So far this has never tripped us up Wink

If, like dd2, your dd is very emotional, you can appeal to her emotions. Recently, I left a pile of clothes on dd2's sofa to be put away, and later noticed that they had gone. I asked her if she had put them away and she said yes, so I praised her for doing it without being asked. Later, I found the clothes thrown into a cupboard. Rather than read her the riot act, I told her that she had really upset me, because it made me feel that she must have been laughing at me when I praised her for putting them away, because she knew she hadn't. That really got to her and she was really upset that she had upset me.

Hope some of this is useful!

Miaou · 24/03/2006 13:33

footiemad, with that kind of lying, we tell the story of the boy who cried wolf. (have told it many times over the years!!)

footiemad · 24/03/2006 13:36

Miaou, yes have told that story a few times, maybe it will sink in eventually!!!Grin

xapplex · 24/03/2006 13:53

thanks for the help, think ill try some of that miaou. and if it is a stage then i hope it passes quickly, the terrible twos, the whys and the rest i could handle but this stage is just getting to me.

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Miaou · 24/03/2006 16:51

xapplex, it's really hard seeing our children doing something that we believe to be so fundamentally wrong. It's just not such a big issue to them (obviously!!). And it is a phase that they go through and grow out of.

Another phrase that we often use... "and don't lie about it, because I will find out!" (I doubt that she has got away with much tbh Wink)

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