Help me stop my 4yr ds from being so rude

[jennymac]

My dh's aunt looks after my dd (6yr) and ds for about an hour 3 mornings a week before school. This has been the case for about 8 months and all was fine until about 3 wks ago. Since then, my ds has started being rude to her when she arrives in the morning and either runs away from her or will shout at her if she tries to help him or do anything for him. He has also started saying to us before she arrives that he doesn't like her and why does she have to come. I feel terrible as she is doing this as a favour for us and is so nice and loves the kids. She will never complain about him but even if we don't witness his behaviour dd will often tell us that he has been cheeky after we have left. He says that he doesn't like her because she repeats herself and is slow (she is in late 60s) and I have to admit he is a pretty intolerant child when it comes to things like this. We have tried talking to him and threatening him with the removal of treats/toys etc but nothing is working. I'm thinking about saying to her that she should be tougher on him as she lets him away with it and he might respect her more if she tells him off. Anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation?

How old is your DS? He may be acting out because he knows that her arriving means you leaving.

He is 4yr and I hadn't thought of that. He did ask me this morning why my boss made me work every day and I know he would like me to be off with him all the time but we have worked since he was 8mths so it is not like he isn't used to it. I don't work Mondays and my dh is off on Fridays so it is only for 3 days a week.

It may be that he is now getting to the age when he is starting to realise that not everyone else's family set-up isn't identical to his own - e.g., maybe some of his friends at school don't have working mums and he is starting to question the lie of the land....by acting up for his great aunt. I know my four year old is getting more analytical about stuff like this as every day passes...she has also asked the boss question.

You could try a sit-down chat about why you go to work if you haven't already (but suspect you have!).

Difficult one Jenny. Is your ds like this with anyone else or just dh's aunt?

Just with dh's aunt. She lives next door to us and comes in the morning as we leave at 7.10am to get to work. My dh's mum then comes about 8am to get the kids dressed and takes them to school as dh's aunt doesn't drive. Dh's mum lives about 15mins away so the aunt comes in to save her getting up so early. He is fine with his granny but she would be a lot stricter and wouldn't put up with it. I think he just needs a firm hand really or for us to put the fear of God into him if he continues with his behaviour!