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Should I be relaxed about it or a bit firm? - long sorry

3 replies

FrumpyGrumpy · 22/03/2006 17:58

I'll try and get this down simply without going in to all the detail .....

DD (5) has always been bonded to me with superglue. She started at school last august and settled much better than expected. She took severely ill over Christmas (hospital) and lost what confidence she had bulit up what with the illness and time off school.

She has lovely friends in her class and she seems very popular if quiet. The problem is that quite a few have invited her to their houses after school for a play plus tea and, after arranging it all, I've had to let 2 friends down with no notice because she is too upset to go. ("I just miss you mummy", "she has a big brother I don't like big brothers", "my tummy is really sore" etc).

I actually dont have a problem with her not doing playdates. She is inexperienced at them because she didn't start nursery til age 3 (I just enjoyed having her around and reluctantly started her because I knew she was not great at interacting with other kids - major guilt about that). She's started school young and it was a diffifult decision but intellectually she can manage it fine so it seemed the right thing to do. I'm beating myself up because socially I don't think she was ready and I feel responsbile.

ANYWAY, I had to pick her up from school today because the nurse had her in her room crying about the pre-arranged playdate she didn't want to go on. Its fine with me (if a little difficult because I have young DTs and I juggle second by second) but I'm worried she'll be separated from the crowd if she doesn't stay in the loop.

I'm more than happy to (and do) have friends at our house but it isn't easy with the DTs and my DP works away. She actually is quite happy coming home and being at home with us but I feel I should encourage her to step out and gain confidence. What do I do? Replies from mums who've been through this a few times over greatly appreciated.

Any of this make sense or have I rambled rubbish?

I might not be able to reply straightaway, DTs are 19 months and showing it!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Wallace · 22/03/2006 18:07

Probably not practical with your dts, but could you go with her to playdates until she is a bit more confident?

Dd is still at nursery, but recently went to a friend's house. I went with her, then after a while I suddenly "remembered that I need to dash to the shops", I checked with her that she was okay to stay (yes!), then didn't come back until it was time to pick her up. She was fine, and suggested that next time I should take her, stay for a cup of tea, then she would be okay by herself.

beetroot · 22/03/2006 18:11

I would leave it for a while and maybe next year she will be happier about it. She is probably tired and misses her mum.
pERHPAS ONCE IN A WHILE YOU COUDL INVITE A CHILD ROUND TO YOURS.

Sparklemagic · 22/03/2006 19:16

yes, relax! It's not obligatory! I didn't do playdates until I badgered my mum about having my BF round, when I was about 8 I think.

But then I did 'play out' with other local kids so that was socialising...however she is getting PLENTY of social time and interaction at school.

I think for a child who was 'clingy' she sounds like she is doing very well indeed, so just don't worry about it and let her have her time with you at home!

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