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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What do say to your child if they are hit by another child?

27 replies

Nbg · 21/03/2006 13:26

Been to playgroup today and just watching the children, some of them were hitting out at other children, snatching etc.
DD got a bit of wallop on the head but tbh I don't really make that big a deal out of it as IMO thats what kids do a that age and eventually they grow out of it.

But it got me thinking

When dh was younger he remembers one particular time where he was being bullied at school (about 5/6/7yr old). He had gone home crying and his dad told him not to be so soft and hit him back. When he asked his dad how, he told him with anything, a chair if he needed. So the next day thats exactly what he did and when asked by his headteacher why did he hit this boy with a chair his reply was that his dad told him too!

I'm not one for give as good as you get when it comes to this sort of thing but just interested about what other parents do in this situation?

Do you tell your kids to walk away or do you tell them to hit back?

OP posts:

niceglasses · 21/03/2006 13:28

I tell mine to maybe stay away from the child who is hitting, just play with someone else. I know a lot of mums who say hit back esp one whose young lad is a bit 'soft', but I prefer to say just keep away.

Feistybird · 21/03/2006 13:28

It so much depends on the situation. I have said hit back, but in other situations I have said 'tell the teacher'.

oliveoil · 21/03/2006 13:29

tell the teacher I say to dd1. But she is only 3.5 and at playgroup

At school, hmmmmm, I think I may say hit them back!

Depends on the circ really. I wouldn't suggest a chair!

lockets · 21/03/2006 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mythumbelinas · 21/03/2006 13:31

I suggest to dd1 if she knew if it was deliberate or not .. but to tell her teacher. She tells me she wouldn't hit back, because it's not nice :)

MeAndMyBoy · 21/03/2006 13:35

My Ds doesn't stand up for himself and will let other children at nursery take toys off him. I am trying to get him to go and get toys back and tell them that they can have it when he's finished.

But when he is hit, I'm trying to get him to say No don't do that it's not nice to hit in a loud voice.

littlerach · 21/03/2006 13:35

DD1 always shouts "Leave me alone".

Seems quite effective.

Original poster

Nbg · 21/03/2006 13:37

I might try this with dd and see if it works.

I'd like to think that if she was hit when she's a bit older that she would just walk away and tell somebody.

OP posts:

MrsWood · 21/03/2006 14:41

Well, my dd (2.8) goes to nursery and there were occassions where she was pushed or scratched and even bitten. We tell her that what the other child did was naughty and that "we don't do that. We ask nicely for somebody to move, or simply wait until they're finished playing with it". Biting and scratching is especially unacceptable so she knows not to do it to other kids. I feel extra bad for that as I myself would like to retaliate, but it's important to make sure they know it's unsociable thing to do. Those kids who do things like that are in danger of losing friends and our dd loves her friends and understands that noone wants to play with the biter, scratcher or pusher, so she plays nicely and shares. She gets a bit stroppy sometimes but we just tell her to wait her turn. It's hard if your kid is the only one following the "rules" as I've seen many parents in playcentres just ignoring the behaviour or egging the kids to "stand up for themselves". At later age, maybe a different approach, but whilst they're learning how to socialise, I believe this is the right way to go about it.
Right - now shoot me... LOL

desperateSCOUSEwife · 21/03/2006 14:42

hit them back harder

cece · 21/03/2006 14:43

my dd shouts STOP IT I DON'T LIKE IT as told to by me. she is then supposed to walk off but i have seen her hit back

Eve2005 · 21/03/2006 14:55

when i was 5 i came home crying from school one day because a boy had hit me, my mom told me to go straight in the next day and kick him. i did, and he never came near me again.

she told me never to be the first to hit, no matter what, but if someone hits me to never let it go without retaliation as the bully will just keep doing it. i've followed these principals my whole life and never been bullied, or accused of bullying. most kids who hit won't do it if they expect to be hit back so they only pick on the ones that won't retaliate.

colditz · 21/03/2006 14:57

I have trained ds to shout "STOP HURTING ME!!!"

Unfortunately he thinks it is really funny to shout this at me whenever I tell him off for anything. I get some filthy looks.

Orinoco · 21/03/2006 21:48

I remember my Mum buying me some "kicking shoes". I don't remember ever actually having to use them, but I do remember telling kids that were picking on me that I had my kicking shoes on....

Not quite sure whether I'd agree with that one nowdays though!

duvet · 21/03/2006 21:57

I'm with you mrswood, it is hard when your dc is playing by the rules and others are not esp when parents are there. My dd nearly 3, is by no means perfect but never aggressive not even with her baby sister who she does get jealous of.
She just lets other children push her for example, I tell her to walk away/shout at them, but she doesn't often she just wants to play with them. It's heartbreaking sometimes I just hope that I can build her confidence and that she will get a fair deal in life.

kittyb · 21/03/2006 22:11

I started off telling ds not to hit back, but as he gets older (now 4 1/2) I think this puts him at a very unfair disadvantage. I have been quite sneaky and coached him to tell someone once or twice to stop hitting, and if they dont, to then hit back hard while shouting loudly "I asked you to stop hitting me".

Was fuming last week when friend's ds wouldn't stop hitting him, and friend just did wishy-washy "oh darling please try to be nice". Was really tempted to say to ds in front of her "well just whack him back harder" just to see whether she was still all wishy-washy when she thought her son was going to get clobbered. But I didnt!

mrsgee · 21/03/2006 22:17

we are in same situation with our dd.dh tells her to hit back harder i keep telling her to really shout at the child 'stop hitting me' so the poor thing is getting mixed messages,we really need to agree
dh doesnt want her to end up being a victim of a bully i dont want her to get into trouble with teachers

PeachyClair · 21/03/2006 22:19

Tell the supervisors and keep away

They never listen though

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2006 22:20

Ah - good idea lockets et al. Will tell DD to do this from now on.

nooka · 21/03/2006 23:06

I think it's quite difficult not to set double standards. At school (and nursery) my two are under strict instructions to tell the teacher, and to avoid playing with the violent child in future. They have a very strict honour code about whether things are deliberate or not, which they have mostly worked out themselves. I am happy with this, as I would really prefer them not to get in trouble or to be seen as a bully. On the other hand when they fight at home I tell them to sort it out between them, and not to tell tales!

Tortington · 21/03/2006 23:14

hit back

Piffle · 21/03/2006 23:17

Hit back

after not telling ds to hit back I now tell dd
Hit back and will train her accordingly

NikkiH · 22/03/2006 11:04

We have a three step approach to anyone doing anything they're unhappy with:

Say 'Don't do that I don't like it.'
If they do it again, walk away from them.
If they follow and do it again, tell a teacher or lunchtime supervisor.

bubblez · 22/03/2006 11:12

I was bullied as a child and my parents gave me stricked instructions not to hit back and to always tell a teacher.

DD is 2.4 and i tell her to hit back and then tell someone.

madmarchhare · 22/03/2006 11:13

Tricky, DS (2.3) goes to playgroup and if someone hits him and he hits back I tend to say 'no hitting' because that is what we say at home AND I hope that it gains the attention of the parent of the child who hit in the first place.

Although, I do worry that when he goes to school he may get pushed around if he doesnt stick up for himself with at least of a bit of a push back.

I like the idea of shouting 'I dont like that' etc. I suppose we will have to see what happens.

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