My 10 month old wakes every night, me & partner disagree on how to deal with this

[CaseyM]

My LO who slept through the night at about 6 weeks old started waking at about 7/8 months old...he wakes at about 3/4ish and is wide awake until 5/6ish. He will settle easily by hugging or rocking or even with me just by his cot stroking his back. My OH disagrees with this and thinks I should just let him CIO...I have tried doing this and leaving him 5 minutes going in to reassure then leaving it 5 minutes, reassuring and so on until he sleeps but it seems to take so long and he works himself up so much every time I leave the room. I find it horrible hearing him cry and hate that i could stop him crying by just a cuddle. My OH gets angry by me always seeing to him and not letting him cry which then causes tension between us. He is working before LO wakes during the week and LO is in bed before he gets home so feel like he doesn't realize how good our baby is, he never whines for nothing and is so happy And well behaved. I just feel like he sees him as a nusuince at night which makes me resent him more. I find myself contemplating more and more about leaving him and being a single mother. Its so hard when he doesn't see where I'm coming from.

Have you got other problems? I wouldn't have thought it worth splitting a family for something that is going to last a very short time. He appears not to see much of the baby? Does he ever get time alone? I would go out at a weekend and leave him to cope alone- as a regular thing- disappear for at least a couple of hours shopping.

If he hardly sees the baby then how does it matter to him anyway ?? Surely it's just being cruel for the sake of him stamping his authority.

I'd carry on how you wish to and tell him to get stuffed frankly.

Hmmm i have a similar problem albeit without the contemplating being single.

My dd is 7m and wakes at 2 for boob and resettles easily but again at 4 where she is far more wakeful. If i put her in my bed she'll doze next to me but if i press her to go into the cot she gets more woken and agitated. My dh is making huge noises about not feeding her, letting her cry, moving her to her own room. The thing is i have a dd who is 3 too and shes only just started sleeping through.

Im loathe to let the baby cry it out it etc and risk it waking and disturbing the older one. And when i sat and thought about it, my older dd was horrific at sleeping. She just never went down and shouted, played and cried all night. Dd2 will settle with me. So i've decided it doesnt last long, all too soon they are grown and gone into their big bed. So i'm sticking to my guns and doung whats easy and what feels right for me and my dd2.

I do understand how hard it is when you have conflicting opinions but it really is better to sit and talk about what you want to do and why you feel its right. But be warned, i did say my other dd didnt sleep til she was 3!

Not unusual for them to have a phase of waking at this age. I think you're doing the right thing. Your partner doesn't seem to be around a lot and isn't that helpful when he is. Have you asked him to do more at all?

Thankyou all for your replys. Well me and my OH have a very tense relationship besides our baby issues. We always seem to annoy each other over the smallest thing. I think the fact we were friends for about 1yr and half, then got together an found out I was pregnant after only 4 months. It wasnt strange at the time and were very happy about it but after LO was born we had such different views on things and have become aware or how little we actually know each other. Our physical relationship is barely existent (think we have had sex about 4 times since LO was born) don't get me wrong I do love my partner but feel so distant from him. Even when we have date nights (which we do make time for) we just don't seem to enjoy ourselves like before, or even relax enough to forget our differences. We try talking about things but always end up arguing...it's so hard especially when all I want is a happy loving little family.

He has had our baby for a few hours on one occasion and was fine with it but when I'm around he will just sit bk and let me deal with him. Also the way he sometimes acts towards baby makes me not want to leave him with him. He shouts at him when he opens cupboards or touchs things he shouldn't. Rather than speak to him in a soft tone and telling him no then moving him from the situation...he is 10months old not 10 years, he doesn't understand the shouting. And he can easily lay in bed listening to him cry his heart out while I'm constantly trying to soothe him

tbh it sounds like your other half is resentful of the attention that baby requires. It also sounds like he hasn't adjusted to fatherhood. Does he know any other dads?

I would tell him that this is the best and quickest way to deal with baby's night wakings. Leaving him to CIO probably won't work or will take forever and make your baby anxious. Ask him (your DH) if that's what he wants??

DH and I have always agreed on things like night wakings. Where we've disagreed on other stuff, we talk t through to work out why and come to a solution. Can you do that?

Ok if he's shouting at the baby, I'd be having serious words with him. What happens when baby gets older? Will he be more aggressive? My dd hates shouting (she's only 9 months) and gets scared. Your poor child :(

You've been very lucky having a LO that slept through at 6 wks! They do go through a developmental stage around 10 months, when they start crawling and being more aware of being left alone etc. So many things are starting to happen to them development wise. These are short lived phases. Just ride it out with lots of cuddles. Sleeping patterns do change when they are this young.
Your OH sounds useless tbh, and uncaring. Why would he want his DS to cry to sleep? Does it not bother him? My DH is the first to jump out of bed at the sound of a child crying or calling out for us. And he goes to work early and does a stressful days work. Parenting doesn't stop at night. We have 2 DCs, and the older one didn't sleep through till 3yrs and the younger one, now 25 months still wakes up too. It is reality, it is time your OH got his head around it. Making them cry to sleep is not the answer.

If he's shouting at him during the day he could actually be making him more anxious and prone to waking more at night.

I really sympathise, as am also there! My husband and I have had some terrible fights at 2am, and some days I have been so angry with him that I've wanted to leave. I'm still here though and DH has started wearing ear plugs.
Perhaps you could agree to try CIO for 3 nights and if no improvement then he let's you do what you want?
Sorry I can't be much help as if I knew the answer i'd do it too, but just wanted you to know you aren't alone.