Three year old doesn't seem to play

[fisil]

ds1 just doesn't seem to play. He often asks me to play with him - which I am happy to do, but he really just doesn't seem to want to do anything. He also regularly says "I don't want to do anything." And he will then just hang around sucking his thumb or cuddling.

He loves puzzles, but has suddenly stopped doing them alone, and if he gets one out he'll ask me or dp to do it. He asked for a "castle" yesterday, so we worked together putting a sheet over chairs etc., and then he just sort of hung around saying he didn't want to play.

I know that he does play a lot - and I'm trying to see what "triggers" him playing happily. But I just don't get the whole "I don't want to play anything" thing - it just doesn't seem very three year old!

Do all 3 year olds have down time like this, or is this a sign that something is bothering him, or is there something different I could do (like, maybe I'm being too pushy/not pushy enough/too hands on/too preoccupied...)

What kind of toys does he have? Maybe he just needs you to get out something he hasn't had for a while to give him fresh ideas. DS2 is 3 and did go through a short phase of not wanting to play by himself but it seems to have passed now. Does DS play with other children at all?

Hi scotchlass. It's reassuring to know someone else's ds has been through similar. He plays with other children very well at nursery - he is always talking about his friends who he has done puzzles, lego etc. with. I will try new toys (he got very animated just before bedtime when I gave him the tray the apples came in and he went around collecting bits and pieces for a model! Out of interest, I think it might be something to do with ds2's increased mobility and desire to join in big boy's games (he's 10 months and very active). Did you see any connection between your children with the not wanting to play thing?

DS2 is 6 1/2 years younger than DS1 so it's harde to see a connection but that may well have something to do with it. I know that DS1 didn't really react to DS2 being born until he could move about and interfere with things!! I have a friend who is going through exactly the same thing, but her child is older too. DS1 is probably just adjusting to DS2 being more "visibly" around, 10 months later than everyone tells you the reaction will be!! Not sure if that is of any help but I wouldn't worry about it too much, he'll probably be on top form by tomorrow!!

maybe he's less into playing alone because he's used to social games at nursery? just a thought.

my two (females) are 3 and 14m similar ages to yours. dd1 and i don't play with toys much because we aren't living at home at the mo and are staying with parents so I go out an awful lot. We go for lunch in cafes and supermarket shopping. when we are at home I've noticed that a lot of her play is imaginative and copies me - like getting dolly in the car and going shopping. often she is in the kitchen with me when I cook and I think that she likes the company.

Do you think that he's feeling a bit scared of getting older? dd1 likes being rocked like a baby and recently she's been not eating unless she gets fed. i think she's really noticing the passing of babyhood.

My DS is very much like this, he only plays with lego and puzzles mainly. He very rarely plays imaginatively and does spend quite a lot of the time sitting and "thinking" i guess. He does play with his baby sister (although we did have jealousy issues when she first started crawling) and does sometimes play with different toys but not very often. He is very very good at lego and puzzles though, his nursery seem to think he plays above his age a lot.

I do worry about it, but he seems well adjusted, and i do just wonder wether he likes to play lego and puzzles and isn't very imaginative. I must admit that i'm not at all, in fact it's a struggle to make play scenarios with toys garages and cars!

It is a worry though, and I do think that I personally tend to see problems where all there is is a different personality if that makes sense. I do wonder if it is liked to his brother's newfound mobility, I know my DS is very wary of DD touching any of his things and i think sometimes he will leave them so that she doesn't get them, IYSWIM

Something else my mum pointed out, up until DD was born DS spent all of his time with adults and as a result is quite grown up - apparently i was the same as a child. Don't know if any of this is at all helpful, it was just your OP that struck a cord with me and i'm just thinking as i'm typing!

Yes my ds can be like this. I feel it is when he is tired, but that's maybe just because my main worry about him is that he doesn't get enough sleep so I blame everything on that!

I have found the times he plays best by himself are when dp and I are both at home and quietly busy with something but still available to him, IYSWIM. If we are very engrossed in doing something he will usually hang around and want our attention, but if we are just pottering, doing little household jobs, but able to chat to him and answer his questions or whatever then he can happily occupy himself for quite a long time, usually doing not very much at all. He very seldom plays with toys or games unless we sit down with him and join in, but will muck about with a stick and a saucepan, or a box and some pennies, that sort of thing.

Could you try collecting a props bag of objects, that are not toys, that he could play with in an open-ended way, such as tape measure, whisk, ruler, torch, hole punch, shoe box, notebook and pen, purse and money, etc (all things that have caught ds' fancy in the past) and see if they can catch his imagination more than manufactured toys?

Yeah, I think what F&Z said is kind of what I was trying to say. I saw nursery world poster about kids friendships at playgroup other day. Basically it said 'they are all different' !!!

Mine loves playing playdo while I cook. We arent all that imaginative she mostly mashes it to a thin film then I have to try and scrape it up but she talks a lot while doing it, she also likes to cook with me which is a bit scary but mostly involves stirring. Play is really about learning and I think a lot of toys now are dull frankly, they don't let any learning happen and dictate how they are played with. A tray gives them many more options for its use and I would encourage that rather than worry about their play with toys. We sometimes give her a cardboard box.