Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

11 yr old DD constantly lies......driving me mad as can't trust her!!!

3 replies

surfingluby · 19/09/2012 10:02

My 11 yr old DD lies about almost everything, from little things like a hair band to taking my things! I have no idea if this is normal behaviour for her age or if I'm parenting wrong? I don't remember doing it but then I was more of a tomboy.
I'll give you some examples.....
For almost 8 months she had bowel problems to the point where I thought she had what my grandad suffered years with.....bowel disease :-( turned out after a packet of biscuits I'd bought that morning had disappeared I searched her room and OMG, I found loads of empty wrappers. She was at her friends house so we waited for her to come home, she denied it until I showed her evidence!!! It turned out she'd been doing it for about 8 months, hence her bowel problems. She was grounded and phone confiscated.
Little lies have happened since and she either has a week grounding or a week with no phone.
Last week she was getting dressed, we were all laughing and joking then I noticed she had my parents wedding ring on......I keep said ring in a box on my windowsill so I knew instantly she'd taken it! I asked her to think carefully before she answered......she told me she found it on the floor in our lounge, I told her she hadn't, she taken it from my room......she swore on everyone's lives she hadn't, tried talking to her calmly and explaining why I was so upset as I was crying.......nothing, she still lied! I got mad and really shouted at her then she told me the truth!
She is a wonderful daughter who gets complimented everywhere for her behaviour, I have had letters from her school saying what an asset she is to the school......they only send on average 4 a year and she gets one every year! She does really well in every subject, she is above average. She loves school, she has lots of independence. She has loads of friends, she's very honest with me (too honest at times!) telling me all about the boys she likes, I'm told by school that if girls get nasty when their chatting about someone she never joins in, if they are being mean to someone she will walk away. I never hear her being mean about her friends when she has people round.
She is awful to her brother and sister, attitude at home stinks but I'm aware this is normal........
I have no idea why she's like it, is it normal? Does anyone else have 11 yr old problems??? I'm at my witts end now as I feel I can't trust her and I find it hard to talk with her as I'm not sure if what she's telling me is true :-(

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 19/09/2012 10:32

Sounds like me at her age. I was a very unhappy child - decent parents, solid middle-class upbringing, lots of friends but just really insecure and unhappy. I still don't really know why but my best guess is that I was always being praised to the skies at school, always being told by my parents how bright I was, and it was too much pressure.

I don't want to scare you but I tried to commit suicide when I was 13. My best advice is to get your DD some professional counselling now and to really work on your relationship with her. If you aren't demonstrative then start trying :)

surfingluby · 19/09/2012 13:55

Wow that's awful for you but I have to say she seems very happy, she has never made me think for one second she's unhappy and I often sit with her and ask her if she has any worries which she tells me about things that have happened at school which are all normal, silly to adults but important to children! I am desperately worried about her now, I will talk to her school as they run a 'haven' there which supports parents as well as students and see what they suggest!
I had an awful childhood, never clicked with my mum....never thought she loved me and still don't, had no father, hated my life but never wanted to kill myself.........cried all the time but she shows no signs of being unhappy and I know what to look for as I was desperately unhappy!
She texts me all the time from school, kisses me and tells me she loves me back in front of her friends........she seems very happy but now I'm extra worried :-(
When we spend time at home she doesn't choose to sit in her room alone which I used to, she sits with us as a family......she moans that when her friends come round they want to sit in her room!
She chooses to come out with us as a family yet half her friends wouldn't be seen dead with their parents!
Don't get me wrong she's not perfect, I had to moan at her this morning for not doing her jobs and she didn't walk her dog!!!
I was hoping the lying was all part of growing up, I don't know anyone well enough with a child her age.....all my friends have boys her age so it's hard to compare, that's why I posted on here!

OP posts:
SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 19/09/2012 17:17

She sounds lovely :) It's probably just a silly phase. Try having a box somewhere neutral and private like the family bathroom and if something goes missing tell everyone in the house that it is to be in the box by x time. No questions asked, no follow-up. If you see that she has something - like the ring - then just ask for it back and leave it at that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page