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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Has anyones son come out as Gay? Did you already know?

13 replies

GreenParcel · 15/09/2012 19:14

I ask because I think my son may be gay.

You know when people say 'Oh I knew he was gay since he was tiny' I feel like that.

I have 3 sons. My eldest is very boyish, a proper lad.

My 6 year old is completely different. They are both very sweet, kind boys (y 3rd is just a baby) but they are like chalk and cheese.

Its hard to explain, he is very effeminate and loving and attentive. He loves all things 'girly' and carries lipbalm around with him.

I went to get winter gear from Primark and he insisted on having pink panda earmuffs :D

He loves teddies and animals and just plays with the girls at school, never boys. He loves wearing nail varnish.

I understand people will read this and think 'well he may just like those things' but its just his personality .... it may not be the right word but he seems to be a bit 'camp' already!

When I watch weddings on the TV and think of my kids getting married I see DS stood at the front with a bloke!

I love my kids to pieces and I love them no matter what and this isn't an 'issue' at all to me or my husband, we love his quirky personality, all his teachers love him and we FULLY support everything he wants to do fro buying his cat teddies to wearing nail varnish if his sister is having hers done (just for play not everyday wearing!)

I'm not asking for advice on what to do, I love him as he is and would not change a hair on his little head, I'm just wondering if anyone experienced the same and were right? or wrong?

My family think the same ... my mum said 'If (DS6) turned up with a girl on his arm at 16 my jaw would hit the floor' So its not something Im just seeing IYKWIM?

:) thanks for reading!

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PretzelTime · 15/09/2012 19:24

Well my first reaction is that your DS is only 6 years old. It's a little to early to speculate about his sexuality.
Be prepared, for your boyish lad could be gay too!

adoptmama · 15/09/2012 19:40

No direct experience of this here, but have taught children as young as 11 who are exactly as you describe your DS and, having reached 'maturity' (whatever that means :)) are in gay relationships. Also taught some children who were not, but certainly did not fit the normal gender roles in primary/secondary. All I would say is, if your DS is gay, be prepared to support him through thick and thin as secondary school can be brutal for children who do not fit in.

Original poster

GreenParcel · 15/09/2012 19:44

Thankyou adopt, thats why I'm thinking about it, I want him to feel 100% secure with himself and with his faith that we are supportive. Of course we may be wrong, but we already encourage him to be himself at all times as he quite different, personality wise, to the other boys in his class right now.

OP posts:

Original poster

GreenParcel · 15/09/2012 19:45

Whether he is gy or not I suppose is besides the point. The issue right now is that boys are already saying 'they are girls earmuffs' or 'why are you wearing nailvarnish' ect...

OP posts:

tanfastic · 15/09/2012 19:47

My nephew is gay. He's in his early twenties now but I had an inkling from about age three that he was gay. I never voiced it to my sister though. It was his mannerisms, even at such a young age he was very camp, only played with girls, all the things you describe however he loved blokey stuff too. He came out at fourteen by leaving a note under my sister's pillow. She rang me in total shock although admitted since it was always at the back of her mind.

He's a lovely lad, extremely camp, madly into fashion, has a great job at French Connection, all his best mates are girls and he's been in a relationship for some years now.

StellaAndFries · 15/09/2012 19:47

My brother was exactly like that as a child, he had a very definite idea of what he would wear, would never play football or 'boyish' pursuits but was happier playing barbies with me and my sister. My parents just let him be himself and find his direction. He is now openly gay.

CMOTDibbler · 15/09/2012 19:49

Too early to think about it. Of my nephews, the one who you would have said would be gay (drama queen, loves show tunes, dancing, sparkliness etc), turns out at 17 to be straight, but its his older brother who people described as a boys boy who is gay

Schlock · 15/09/2012 19:55

I'm having a bit of a gay saturday. My dd1 has introduced her gay best friend to a recently acquired gay friend - the two guys went clothes shopping together, she's convinced they're soul mates already after two whole hours.

I wouldn't be surprised if dd2 came out as gay at some stage. Do I 'know'? No I don't. She certainly isn't interested in boys but she's only just 13 so that's not an issue but there's something a bit different. It could be that she's waiting for the intellectual boys to catch up or it could be that she's waiting for the boys to stop dry humping each other in the playground (remember that?) Whichever way it is I don't mind. I'm trying not to second guess her, is she is gay I'm confident that she won't feel awkward telling us and if she isn't then hopefully she's fussy enough to find a good'n.

Original poster

GreenParcel · 15/09/2012 19:59

Schlock

My dad thought i was gay as i didn't have a boyfriend till 15

I wasn't interested in boys and to be fair he was 50% right as i had no confidence with boys AT ALL and have always found girls attractive so because I was terrified of boys I nearly 'came out' a few times to friends, as I felt i coul have a relationship with a girl easier than a boy, but never did. My first boyfriend is now my husband so I never found out myself!! lol

OP posts:

Biscuitsneeded · 15/09/2012 20:16

Yep, I have that feeling about DS1 (nearly 8). He loves to play with the girls, likes to wear pink, only boy in KS1 choir last year, has some quite camp mannerisms, is very confident and funny but also very emotionally intelligent - his teachers always comment on how emotionally mature he is. Luckily for him he is naturally quite sporty so the boys tolerate him, and he does have plenty of 'boyish' interests and a couple of good male friends too. I will not be remotely surprised if he is gay, and I always make a point of saying 'if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend when you are bigger', which makes me sound like some kind of crazy right-on parent but it's just that I want him to know early on that whoever/whatever he might be is OK by us. I have another DS and they are very, very different. I know it's far too early to say but the question has been in my head for at least 2 or 3 years. Anyway, it makes no difference at all to me. I love both my boys and I just hope they will be happy with whatever life brings them.

Original poster

GreenParcel · 15/09/2012 20:25

Biscuits that made me smile so much, I say that to all my kids, the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I know some people might find it odd, but I don't want them to grow up thinking they are expected to be with a certain type of person.

I suppose I won't know until he does and hes still a baby in the grand scheme of things but its just a 'feeling' I have!

OP posts:

Junebugjr · 15/09/2012 20:33

I do know what you mean. My friend says if her ds1 is straight, he'll have to sit her down and tell her!

RowanTreesJoeAtChristmas · 16/09/2012 20:28

My DS1 is only 5 but already me and others have picked up on the differences between him and other boys of his age. To be honest he was very sensitive and dramatic even as a baby so it could just be that he is a highly strung personality but there are definite 'camp' manerisms and his interests are always more feminine. He loves nail varnish and dressing up as a princess etc which neither me and DH have a problem with at all. He is so very young that we feel his is just expressing himself and we allow him to be as creative and feminine as he wants. I have no idea whether he is gay or if he'll be straight and as you said OP we will love him and support him just the same as we always have. I adore him for not being the same as all the other boys. I love his personality and his difference make him someone very very interesting and such a gentle special little soul. I will be on his side no matter what or who he becomes.

My brother was much the same as a child. He always played with girls toys, he had no interest in sports or 'boyish' activities. He had posters of boybands on his bedroom wall and always cared about his hair and skin products etc and sadly he got badly bullied at secondary school because of it. We grew up in an open minded family so he never actually 'came out' as such, he just introduced us all to his boyfriend when he was 19 :-D. He has had a handful of relationships since then but has been settled with his lovely partner for over 6 years now. They live together, are happy, monogomous and just a lovely couple. I am very proud to have him as my brother and it has never once affected the family in any way. He and his partner are both very much a part of our 2 sons' lives and I think (hope) that their relationship will make it easier for either one of my boys to feel comfortable with who they are and know they will be accepted by us no matter what.

I also say 'if you meet a nice boy or girl when you're older'! I will also say the same to DS2 as he grows up. I think it's great that kids can know that no matter what you are there for them. Too many kids are terrified to admit to their parents or even themselves who they are. Sorry I seem to have rambled on rather a lot!

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