4mo always cries at bed time

[Milanese]

Hello everyone,

My 4mo DS always always always cries at nap- and bedtimes. I've tried winding down earlier and earlier, cuddling and soothing, singing, bath, story etc... to find a way of encouraging him and teaching him that sleepy time should be a nice, comforting quiet time, but since 3 months I've never been able to put him to bed without some crying.

Also, his sleep "window" is quite small and he very easily becomes overtired, which can lead to total hysteria.

Anyone have any tips on making bedtime pleasant, or should I just go with the flow?

Thank you all!

I do object because those guidelines are guidelines and not everyone wants to or feels the need to have their DC next to them 24 hours a day - and with more than one it is pretty impractical for some people although not all - just as routines suit some and not all. Personally DH loves getting our evenings back. Milanese sounds like there is some sensible advice and solidarity here - god luck it does improve and will pay dividends in future.

xkcd speaks sense. I can't believe all these people who say they never leave their baby to cry. What, really? Never? What about when you're doing a poo and baby wakes up crying? Do you run through into the bedroom, without wiping your bum, trousers round ankles to avoid 2 minutes of crying? Well it's the same at bedtime. A couple of minutes of crying while they settle themselves down is completely fine.

But justabigdisco OP mentions 'total hysteria' not a couple of minutes of crying.

Piemistress another family here that kept babies downstairs until adults go to bed.

Although we had a routine our was quite child-led and neither of my children have ever cried at bedtime or cried themselves to sleep. They are 3 and 7 years old now I really cannot remember a single time when either of them has minded or been upset at the idea of going to bed.

I don't want to get into a debate about whose way is best but amongst my friends what we do is normal and when I read other approaches on here presented as "the only way" I do want to say there are alternatives which may suit some families better.

Ok I didn't read the part about 'total hysteria', just the part about wanting to avoid 'some crying'. I think 'some crying' is nothing really to worry about.
Saying that, my 9mo just waved night-night at me and settled down nicely without crying, twas lovely!

He is 4 mo fgs!
Just cuddle the poor little blighter!
Oh, and everything star said too!

And what Badvoc said

Loved the description!!! Very cute. I feel like that myself sometimes!
Also appreciate the difference between sad and exhausted. That makes me feel, well, less sad!
His last nap time is usually around 4-ish, but he'a been known to have a catnap around 6. He's never awake for more than 2 hours- he just can't handle it.
Tonight I tried telling him soothingly that it was bedtime and he needed to sleep well so he could have all sorts of adventures tomorrow, but sometimes it seems that talking makes him more upset. Same with singing, which is strange for me since I could sing anything and my DD would fall into a trance.

He just had a cry wakeup, and when I crept in to check on him he was grinning up at me like the Cheshire Cat. Little monkey. He went back to sleep with NO CRYING though- perhaps we're getting somewhere!

Thank you so much to everyone for such lovely support.

@xkcdfangirl - thanks for pointing out re: feeling sad and feeling tired. Your description of the thought process was a riot! But also made it easier to understand where he is coming from.

glizzle, I appreciate your post. I did try speaking to him soothingly but it seems he just gets more worked up when I do. He also does not respond well to singing, which is funny as singing used to put my DD into a trance. He sometimes seems to jerk himself awake 20 times at bedtime before finally settling. Only in the past 2 weeks has he settled well enough for me to be able to eat dinner without being interrupted - first time since he was born, so I'm relishing it.

Piemistress, he is never up for more than 2 hours at a time - he just can't take any more. He usually has three naps a day and every now and then has a catnap around 5ish. We actually did try for weeks to keep him with us in evenings, sleeping in his carriage in another room, but it was a nightmare. This is the most particular baby I know - won't sleep for more than 10 minutes in the carseat, stroller, carriage; basically anywhere that isn't his bed in our room. He wakes if he hears my DH's ankles crack as he tiptoes by.

Amazingly, last night he woke about 30 mins after I put him down, and when I went in to him he was grinning at me from ear to ear like the Cheshire cat! I just patted his tummy and turned on his mobile, and he went right back to sleep - and slept ALL NIGHT, to boot.

All the crying made that smile so special. Little monkey.

Woops sorry for the repeat - when I first logged on it seemed my last reply wasn't there, so I typed a new one. Sorry, can't seem to see a delete/edit button?