Help! 2yo old will not stay in bed at night, screaming tantrums and getting up at 5am!!!

[Maggietess]

I need some serious help!! DH and I are at breaking point so far past breaking point it's not true!! Our 2y3m DD2 has become an absolute nightmare during the night. She was always a great sleeper (unlike DD1 who didn't sleep thru until 15mo and has been fab since then) until she discovered she could climb out of her cot just before the age of 2. We switched her to a toddler bed then as cot was too incredibly dangerous and she loved it....

Then she discovered she could wander and started wandering at night but we were able to encourage her back into bed and all was still ok. Then along came potty training... Again she was fab and took to this so easily (she'd been copying her older sister by sitting on the potty for months).. She is v v v strong willed and just decided she no longer wanted pull ups at night so we ended up going the whole hog and she's dry pretty much every night too (normally we have her up once to pee).

BUT... she has been getting up between 4 and 6 times a night every night now for 3 months and then still getting up v early in the morning... It was 630 but is getting earlier and has been 530 for the last 4-5 weeks!!!! We are absolutely exhausted with her and have tried everything we can think of one at a time to see if we can sort it....

• tried soothing her back into bed and sitting on the floor for a while each time gradually getting closer to the door and then after a week sitting on the landing, this works largely for the first 4 or 5 times in the middle of the night but not beyond about 4 am;

-tried dropping the daytime nap to see if we could even get the 530 starts to creep back closer to 630 or 7 but if anything she's been worse since then and I understand that sleep deprived children can actually be worse at night

• tried tough love closing the door and going back in at the 2min, 5 min etc intervals but after weeks of this it didn't get any better

-letting her in beside us but she doesn't sleep but just chats

To make matters worse I'm 8 months pregnant with no. 3 so the exhaustion is killing us. We are sensitive to the fact that she could be being insecure about the impending arrival so had tried to ride it out but 3 months on and we are no further on and this can't continue when baby is here. She has also become very attached to me which is making it worse as she won't let my husband do anything for her and they end up in all kind of stand offs day and night over it ("want mummy to take me to toilet, want mummy to put on my pants/shoes/clothes/brush my hair/make my dinner/pour my milk") and will have a full on tantrum when he tries to do anything. I've been really ill throughout this pregnancy with multiple problems so I can't do everything and last weekend was told by hospital docs I need to rest or they will keep me in... How do I do that??!

DH has had enough and thinks we now need to be very tough and just have a full on battle but my hormones are killing me so whilst I think he's right, and when we actually try this I end up tears streaming because she cries, and screams and begs for mummy as he continually puts her back into bed... He has to be the bad guy as I'm falling apart and I hate that, it's not fair on him. They are actually incredibly alike and as stubborn as each other so we've had these battles going on night after night for 2-3 hours some nights... This morning it went in from 430 til 630 and now it's getting bright and she knows it's morning so how do you continue to insist on sleep!!!!?????

She is also waking DD1 with the screeching, AND DD1 (who really really needs her sleep) is also exhausted and started p1 last week so we can't have this... Nor can it continue as baby is coming any day now so I can't be the one to get up all night with DD2 and get up with baby but yet if DH tries to settle her she goes mental and then it all kicks off!!

Please someone tell me they have a nice magic wand to wave as we have tried riding it out but cannot take any more!! (sorry this is so long and for all the typos but it's early morning :-() As I write she may just have fallen asleep but it has been horrific and my poor husband feels awful being the baddy! What can we do???!!!

Oh you poor thing :(

Try putting the nap back. Introduce a short bedtime routine and after lights out there's no talking etc. if she gets out of bed, you put her back. No talking, nothing just put her back. Both of you need to do this ie the same response either way (tell her before hand it's bedtime and she stays in bed so she has warning). If she needs a wee make it boring - few words, on the toilet, back to bed.

Also we had to lie with ds in his room while he went through this phase (I think it was nightmares etc and he got scared). This included at night too. He settled down after a few weeks and is sleeping through again (he's 2.11).
For bedtime itself though - we didn't leave the room just put him back to bed until he slept. Once he got the message, we worked on leaving the room by saying we'd be back in 1/2/3 mins and do just that. Now we can leave him and say we'll see you in the morning.

How interesting is her bedroom?

If you have a tiny boxroom, put her in there, with a stairgate on the door? that should sort the wandering thing.

I agree with Iggly's advice on returning her to bed. You really do have my sympathy

Does you DH get to do the 'nice bits' too? Can he take her out to sweeten her up a bit? Throw her round the room, that kind of stuff? If he can keep her happy in the day she might respond a bit better when he says no at night?

It is getting to a desperate point now, I can see :( I think you could maybe reintroduce the daytime nap, so at least you could get your head down in the day to recover? Would she nap?

Have you tried putting her down later? I know that it will seem like you are loosing all the time you might have together, but if it breaks the cycle it's worth it not to be so tired all the time.

Thanks Iggly I think that's what we're aiming to get to (the putting back in bed bit) but at the minute that's where the tantrums are coming in... We probably just need to stick it out... She is soooooo stubborn!! My MIL keeps telling me she's just like her daddy was at the same age and he turned out all right so I hold out hope and she is such a great fun, and great spirited child too.

We have put the naps back on the days she is in nursery (3 days) and she is sleeping no worse certainly having done that and on the days I have her, and while she won't go for a nap in bed she is falling asleep in the car so I'm going for nice drives to keep her asleep for a while or parking up in front of school an hour before pick up time lol!

Nagoo, there's nothing really in her bedroom, hers is a small one so all the toys and books are in big sister's... I have been wondering about putting a gate on the door, my mum had suggested that... May try it and see what happens.

DH is fab with her during the day and she loves him playing with her, they go to the park when he gets home from work (to give me a break), they play in the garden and she's his helper when doing gardening, she calls him daddy monster and loves the daddy monster tickles/chasing...as I say they are so alike and up until a few months ago my nose was a bit out of joint as she was a total daddy's girl.. I do think this is baby related too and down to me being jot able to do as much with her maybe it's insecurity... And I wonder about wee nightmares etc too as she's about the age for them. We've put her older sister's clock into her room, you know the one with the stars/sun countdown so she can tell it's sleepy time and have said must stay in bed til sun comes up... Last couple of days she's come running in to tell me there's 2 stars left and then one star... And then yesterday when I said you stay in bed til that last star goes and the sun comes up I saw the little rascal get out of bed and fiddle with the buttons until the sun appeared and then she ran in to tell us about it lol! Smart cookie but that's par tof the problem!!!

Have tried putting her down later (she had been 730 and we tried various up til nearly 9) but it made no difference the other end and that's when I read she could be sleep deprived... So hard!

Just stick with a bedtime, say 7pm. DS did come out the other end in a few weeks. We didn't change much except for the routine of sitting with him and putting him back, then leaving the room for a few mins at a time (standing outside if necessary so he knew we were really there).

Will try to give it a week or two of being very consistent with nap, earlier bedtime again and back to bed put downs without entering into conversation and see if we can crack it!

We will start tomorrow night as nanny and grandad have offered to help us regain our sanity with a sleepover for the kids tonight - no doubt they will be angels and hopefully we will regain some mental strength!!

Will let u know if we succeed (or if she breaks us)

Thank u both, much appreciated

We had this and are now (thankfully) out the other side so I feel for you - it's exhausting...

For getting her to bed, we did the same as Iggly. Taking it in turns sitting outside the bedroom and everytime she got up, putting her back. No interaction, just picking her up and putting her back. We had massive tantrums about this which I found really difficult but DP is made of stronger stuff than me and we rode it out. Took 3 or 4 nights.

For dealing with the getting up early, I being cheap made my own groclockbought this and put it on a timer set for 6am. We let DD name him and said she couldn't get out of bed till he was lit up. Took a few days for her to get to grips with it, then she started lying in bed waiting for him to light up and watching the changing colours. I've gradually moved the timer later and it's currently on 7am and more often or not she will get up when he comes on.