I need your top tips for dealing with toddler tantrums please!

[Napsalot]

DS1 is 2.5 years. I feel I am not dealing with his tantrums as effectively as I could be. I know that consistency is key here -but consistency in what? Should we be doing time outs? Ignoring behaviour?

I probably am doing a bit of both of those techniques and neither is working.

Very keen to hear what has worked for others (and any books that I can read). I have a newborn as well so I know reading books may take longer than I would like so any techniques that I can implement right away to restore the sanity would be appreciated.

I used to ask mine if they were going to have a tantrum, tell them it was fine but do it 'over there' and sit them down somewhere (once was outside a tent at a show, another time next to the milk in Tesco; anywhere as long as it involves being moved away from where they have chosen to do it) and tell them to let me know when they are done. Seems to take all the joy out of it and they are generally finished in less than a minute :)

make sure they are safe then totally ignore... what we give attention to we get more of.

Try and ascertain what the problem is. Is there a genuine grievance or not? If not then tell them that you will wait until they have finished and then you're going to do something fun. Then ignore.

At 2.5? Just ignore.

Don't ignore. If you don't help your toddler manage 'big' feelings, who on earth will? Ignoring them when they're in real distress (as distinct from Little Nero tantrums when they're older) simply sends the message that you don't care about their upset and you won't help them manage it. Ignoring distress tantrums can give you a child who is unable to manage strong emotions later in life. And punishing a child with a timeout when they're not doing something on purpose or trying to manipulate you (a 2.5 yo brain isn't yet that sophisticated) is simply cruel. How would you react if your best friend was screaming with emotional pain on the floor? You probably wouldn't punish her or ignore her.

Try to spot danger signs before tantrums happen - hunger and tiredness are often triggers. Try also to help your toddler find words to express themselves - quite often a tantrum happens because they have no way of letting you know what's upsetting them or how much something means to them.

The book 'What Every Parent Needs To Know' has very good advice on tantrums and it's based on the neuroscience of what's going on in a toddler brain when one happens.

Thank you for your thoughts - I think we need to decide on a strategy and just stick to it for a while. And that is a helpful suggestion about looking for triggers (He has a speech delay so expressing himself is not always easy in these moments).

try making a note of when the tantrums occur, this will help you understand them. I would be asking why he has tantrums and looking towards prevention. Is it because he is frustrated because he cannot communicate with you? Is it because he wants something or is bored? My partner and I have 7 children ranging from 20 to 3. Tantrums don't just happen during the toddler phase so best to work it out now. I am not a fan of naughty steps etc.. but a big fan of noticing children and young people behaving well and I praise to the hilt when they do. I also focus on effective communication which with two members of the family being hearing imparired, isn't always easy... but this (i feel) prevents many of the tantrums. Sounds like you're doing well already, hope this helps a little :)

Thank you littleloopybubbles. That helps as even thinking about it I can see a pattern in time of day when this happens. Just recognizing that will assist as I can redirect his attention before a meltdown happens. Thanks!

It is part of their development.- you can't always distract - not if you have a DC who started one because you gave him a red mug and he wanted a blue, so you swap it around and he still has the tantrum!
Make sure they are safe and totally ignore. When they have finished cuddle and discuss it, explain that you can't possibly help if they scream and throw themselves around. Make sure they never get what they want through a tantrum.