Going stark raving mad - why won't the little **** sleep????

[zaarin2003]

Hi,

We have 15 mo twin boys. One in particular has always had more trouble sleeping than the other. Now his sleep feels completely unmanageable. My wife and I are both taking time off work because of exhaustion and don't know what to do.

When they were both small we used to rock them to sleep with a hand on their backs. Not ideal I know and sure enough they became dependent on that and so we weaned them off the rocking to just a gentle hand resting on their backs. Again, we started weaning them off that until all we needed to do was just put them to bed and be in the room for a while singing to reading a story.

It sounds good, but we've had problems related to that for a long while now - if we try to leave their room before they're fully asleep then they scream and, of course, if they wake in the night then they scream then too because we're not there. However, in the night, getting them back to sleep was as simple as going in and saying, "Shhhhh, sleepy time" or something similar. So it was irritating having to be in their room until they fell asleep, but not too bad because I could just sit and read or something.

Then suddenly, it all went nightmarish over night. For the last 3 nights both of them have been refusing point blank to go to sleep, even to lie down. They sit up, buck and flop about. I feel like we have to physically restrain them! We have a routine where we put them to sleep after a bath at 7pm. By 8 they were still bouncing about, but crying and getting irritable so they needed their sleep. It wasn't that they were not tired! Rocking and such wasn't working (they would fight back so as not to be lying down). We tried leaving the room and returning after a minute or two if they started crying, settling them and repeating that. An hour later, 20 attempts, and one of them was almost histerical so we didn't try that again.

Nights after 12am have been even worse. For the last few nights one in particular has been awake between about 2am and 5am. Nothing as worked. Rocking is innefectual (and a step back anyway) and heaven forbid you try to leave him to it and go back to bed. I wasn't even allowed to lie on the floor last night.... fall out of his field of view and there are tears. Is it seraration anxiety?

Then, unbelievably, after waking at 6 as usual he doesn't want his morning nap at 9 and didn't sleep until 3.

Neither of them are talking or walking yet.

I'm worried that they have suddenly become completely sleep proof and are even more dependent on us being in the room. Last night I broke silence and was emplooring him, "Why can't you let me go back to bed????" :-(

its a horrible situation to be in, and i can't imagine how much more difficult it is with twins!
DD is/was a bad sleeper, though at 5 she's much better than she used to be as in once she's asleep she's ok, but getting her to sleep is still difficult. when she was a toddler it was a nightmare.
Doing 'controlled crying' (as in leaving her for 5minutes, then ten minutes, then 20 etc.) helped a little, but we once had her crying for 2 hours plus.

Have you tried story cd's and/or music?

But to be honest, IME, it was just something that improved as she got older...maybe someone else has better suggestions?

In the meantime (if you're not familiar with it) cheer yourself up with this:

Hi, they won't go to sleep because they're little and they're used to you being there and they don't like it when you're not.

My own son was the same, between the ages of 1 and 2 I was in despair, but it all came good in the end, I promise it gets better.

I am not a fan of CIO/CC so can't advise on the benefits!

I would suggest stop trying anything til you are rested, just putting a bed between their beds and lay down when they go to bed, go to sleep yourselves as you're so shattered. Take it in turns, then when you have got more sleep in your systems you can make a real plan for how you want to progress.

Don't let anyone tell you if you don't do CIO/CC now you're doomed, I never did it, DS was a nightmare sleeper til 2, now at 3 he sleeps right through, in his own bed, no longer in our room.

Take care, I know it's really really hard!

Both of mine have been difficult sleepers. DD1 - 5 1/2 still likes to come in to my bed and would sleep there every night if allowed :) Some of them just seem to need more of a presence at night than others. Have you considered if they are hitting a growth spurt so maybe needing something - milk? - through the night? Do they use a dummy - if not I would personally plug them in! I also don't like CC as I feel when they are young they are crying for a reason - and if it is simply because they need you, then they need you. Have you tried separate bed times so hopefully one is asleep before the other goes down and that way they won't wind each other up (or separate rooms?)

It does get better; unfortunately it can be a long haul for some.

I have not tried this, but I read a plan recently (Tracy Hogg I think) that you could start as littlebluechair suggested, by putting a mattress between their beds, and sleep there for a couple of nights, then replace the mattress with a chair, and each night move the chair a little closer to the door, then take the chair out and stand through the bedtime routine. With each change you explain what you're doing. I believe you gradually test the waters of leaving them by saying you have to go to the bathroom but you'd be back in a minute, then return and praise. Until finally you can put them to bed and leave the room.

I may have got the details wrong, but I just bought the Baby Whisperer sleep guide and there are blurbs on fixing problems like this. I personally can't imagine standing through a bedtime routine, though.

You have my sympathies, I also have a 15mo who is hard work to get to sleep, but there's only one of her!

Do you think they might be on the verge of walking? My DD was a nightmare to get to sleep for the couple of weeks before she walked.

Otherwise, how is their daytime sleep? Maybe coming down with a bug? Any way you can change your sleeping arrangements for a few days to get some sleep? We co-sleep and I know it's not for everyone, but it's so hard to tackle anything when you're exhausted.

Another thing to consider is daytime naps. You mentioned a morning nap, it could be that at 15 months they may not need this morning nap.

Try just getting one mid day nap and don't let them sleep after 3 pm if you want a 7 pm bedtime.

You also mentioned separation anxiety, this could well be the cause often around 16-18 months is the worst time for this. My own DD went thought a very bad sleeping phase at this point, just when a though a couldn't cope any longer she got better. Hang in there it will pass.

oh god paleodad, i just watched that youtube clip and wet myself laughing!! (im pregnant so its ok)

Every parent in the world can relate to that, i had it with DD every night from 9 to 11 months, i ended up putting a single bed in her room and when she wouldnt sleep i would get in and close my eyes, for us that worked as she would calm down and go to sleep, i would then creep out. It all stopped at 11 months when she learnt to self settle again. Kids are strange.

My DTs are almost 14 months and we have dropped the morning nap. They now go down at 1130 until around 1245, sometimes a little later. It means they are ready for bed from about half six, we give them their bottle, put them in cots drowsy and they fall asleep as they are so tired. I know they're not supposed to have a bottle after 1, but that's another issue!

My reckoning is that if I wasn't tired, I would struggle to fall asleep so why should they be any different.

We had a bad night the other night for no apparent reason, one was up from 10-2am and the other woke just before 5 for the day. Its awful, you have my sympathies!

We had this with our twins, (separation anxiety?) well only with one twin...
In end we used to co-sleep with him from the first night waking. It worked very well! He went back to sleep till morning, as long as he was in our bed. We continued this co-sleeping as required (we put him to bed in his own bed at 7.30....it was just for night waking that we put him our bed)
Anything for a quiet life...we all slept wonderfully as a result. If he didn't settle within ten mins in our bed, he went back in his own bed...so it meant we didn't get into a habit of extended night waking. He did usually self settle if he had only woken up for a drink and cuddle. The truth is he settled so well in our bed that we didn't usually put him back in his own cot afterwards. He was breastfeeding at 14 months, but even when no longer breastfeeding he continued to co-sleep till about five I think?
We swore by mid day naps too, and had a very firm napping/bedtime routine.

Everything changes every few months, it won't be forever, and could co-incide with increased excitement in the day,new development, overtiredness?

Earache? Teeth? Coming down with something?