Starting to consider nursery for 14 month old

[Cupcakemummy85]

Im having a few behaviour issues with my dd. as much as I love her I'm finding it extremley difficult to deal with her mood swings. She used to b such a well behaved baby, ate everything, never cried much. I knew I'd pay for her amazing behaviour in the beginning somewhere down the line lol. She is 14 months now and she has become a very picky eater to the point where she had dry Cheerios this morning ( that's all she would eat). She throws massive tantrums, headbutts, hits, pinches, really looses her temper. The only way to keep her calm is peppa pig and that was a habit started by my husband. I find her behaviour exhausting, I'm wondering if I'm even cut out to b a mother, I can't keep her happy!! We conceived whilst she was in her happy stage and I honestly thought I could cope. But I'm not so sure how I'm going to cope. I'm at my wits end now. So I thought a couple of days in a nursery would b good but my husband said she is too young and doesn't want her to go and I have to get on with it. Im crying everyday cause I feel I can't cope with her tantrums and the constant battles. I'm exhausted! If anyone is going through the same or has some advise I would really appreciate it. Please no judgemental comment, I can't b bothered with the agro! Thanks :)

Do you get out much to baby groups, friends etc? It can be really difficult when your baby starts getting her own opinions, but remember she's still a baby really and has little understanding or ability to control her own behaviour. What do you do when she headbutts or pinches? My 15mo dd2 bites sometimes and when she does I say No loudly, pick up her and sit her down somewhere else facing away from me. Often she'll then have a little tantrum (banging head on floor) which I ignore, although if she starts crying and it carries on for long I'll pick her up and cuddle her as I think by that time she's forgotten what I'd originally told her off for.

I had phases with DD1 where I would hate my days off work as everything seemed like a battle and I would end up shouting at her which I shouldn't have done. Like everything though she grew out of that difficult phase and was lovely again for a while (and then back into another difficult phase...)

How far along with the pregnancy are you? Personally I would prefer not to put a 14mo in nursery, but if you need a break you could see if there's a childminder who could have her for a couple of mornings a week so you can have a bit of a rest.

I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant. In an ideal world of money weren't an option is have a nanny help me out, just to take her for a walk for half an hour so I could rest. I try to go to baby groups but I find that other children are quite aggressive and always end up hurting my dd. it's wierd she is so gentle with other children but so aggressive with me and her father! I have friends with kids that come over with their children and we go to theirs etc. I think I'm starting to realise its going to b really hard doing this once my husband goes back to work after the baby is born. It really scares me. It all seems to have got so hard since she turned one. She doesn't walk yet either so I can't take her to the park and let her run around. Sorry for the major moan! I wish I could enjoy being a mummy again cause at the moment I'm really not. Every meal and nap is a tear filled battle!

I remember at that age (and I was pregnant with twins) it was very important to earmark a special time when I could rest, so I made my 14 month old's nap central to that. I always put him to bed for two hours after lunch. It made such a difference. The other thing that helped was arranging for people to come around on visits, or visiting them, just generally getting out and about to people's houses, as he loved new but familiar places ifysim. At home all the time he got very bored. Even just going to the park for the change of scene, was v important. I think they are just realising they are separate beings from their mums, but rely still on you for so much, which makes life frustrating for them I should imagine.

My son loved books at that age, being out and about, routines, water play, music, singing. He wasn't at all good at entertaining himself, or placid, and got very cross when I put him down to sleep, but he needed his sleep (and then he slept well) I remembering him punching me in the nose once when I carried him up the stairs heavily pregnant, it is certainly not an unusual phenomonen when children can't express themselves in words to use physical means, or tantrums and screams.

Also they eat far less, and far more fussily, that is normal when younger, you only have to look on Mumsnet to see proof of it. If she only eats cheerios for breakfast, why not just leave her to it, and eat something else interesting yourself...you might find she wants to try what is on your plate. Kids love interacting at meals, and sometimes interacting negatively gets them the attention they crave, so try not to get involved in any mealtime battles, it is soo counterproductive. You literally cannot make a toddler eat something they don't want to eat, and they may well become phobic if you make a fuss.

It is a such a special time, but it can feel like a slog when you are pregnant but you will look back and realise it was a special time never to be repeated just you two together, enjoy it!

It sounds like you could do with a bit of a break. At nursery, your DD will be stimulated and lots of activities. She will also develop her social skills there as well. I'd go for it if you can afford it.
Why does DH say she is too young? Maybe he should spend a week with her 24/7 and then he might be more understanding.
Children are always worse/aggressive/badly behaved with their parents because they know that no matter how rotten they are, they know they will be loved anyway. It's actually a good sign!
You must learn to discipline her when she misbehaves and learn to deal with the stress yourself. Tackle one issue at a time.
Having tantrums is a very normal developmental phase, try to ignore her when she is BU, after a while you might notice that she will do as told more readily and the tantrum will diminish in duration and frequency. Don't worry about the tantrums, they are NOT a reflection of her happiness, merely a reflection of her age!

Also, may I add, a few days at nursery will be godsend when DS2 comes. I talk from experience.

What about using a childminder? They usually look after a range of toddlers (they can have up to 4) of different ages. My DS goes there full time now but started on a few hours a day a few days a week and he picked up quite a lot from being with "older" toddlers, like walking and talking for instance...which you don't get in nurseries as the babies are all the same age and there are more of them.
At 14 months old she can slowly start building relationships with the older toddlers and have her little friends, it's a great way to learn to socialise even though it will take another year before she really is able to play "with" the others. I find CM a good compromise between a nanny and a nursery.

Looks like we are in a simlar situation i have a 14 month old DD and am 21 weeks pregnant!

She was also a dream child and still is but has just become a bit more of a handful, like your DD she likes to make a fuss when she is eating and has a strop when i ask her not to do something. She has always been an amazing sleeper - 14 hours a night - but since last week she has screamed when placed in her cot and is waking in the night wanting just to be held, which is fine but then wont go back in the cot.

She is pushing the boundaries and learning what she can and cant get away with, i agree that its bloody exhausting and especially so when you are pregnant.

I use a childminder, i did go back to uni 3 days a week when she was 11 months but have just had to drop out as i cant afford the fees as uni have withdrawn my funding. Im now a SAHM but I still send her one day a week at the mo and find that the day she is there is a godsend! I get a well deserved break and literally sit and relax most of the day or do a bit of shopping, its bliss.

I personally wouldnt send a child this young to a nursery but a childminder is a really good alternative (and usually cheaper), my DD gets to spend the day with a little girl who is 3 and they pick up 4 lively boys from school which she loves. She always comes home with a new trick, yesterday she learnt to do ring-a-ring-a-roses on her hand, so cute.

The other thing about having a childminder is that they have more time for you as a mom and are usually a fountain of advice regarding any little issues you might have, i had an issue with DD refusing to nap in the day, she got her to nap i her pushchair and thats what she does now, no problem.

All the best with your pregnancy and hope you get some help x

Feel free to PM me x

If you need a break, then go for it. There's nothing wrong with getting help where it's needed and you shouldn't feel guilty about it, especially since you're pregnant.

It's easy to talk about managing behaviours but even the best parent can get worn down when it's relentless all day every day. I know that I'm definitely a better parent after I've had a break from my DS, even if it's just for an hour.

Today I was having a hard time with DS (11 months) as he's going through a difficult phase so I just booked him into the creche at my gym and went for a swim. It was just an hour and a half but it defused my stress so I could enjoy being with him for the rest of the day.

So I would say 14 months is fine to start thinking about 1 or 2 days a week at a childminder's or daycare. Why not? You would benefit and your DD will too in terms of being socialised. Your DH might have ideals about childcare but he's not the one getting pinched and hit and screamed at all day and he's not pregnant.

My DD is now 18 months old and started at daycare just before she turned one. It was the best thing ever for her and for me. She started at 2 days 9am-3pm. It helped with my stress levels and the time apart makes me a better mother when we are together.

I didn't have any friends or family locally how could help with childcare. Are you the same?

It sounds ridiculous but my mother in law lives on the same lane as me but she is too busy with her animals to take my daughter for an afternoon and quickly gets bored of her when my daughter starts to cry. My mum lives five mins away but goes on holiday alot but does take her every now and again. It's strange but i almost feel anxious about the day ahead. What if I have a bad day and she is constantly crying, what if she gets so bored with me she then kicks off. It's a real nightmare for me. It was so easy to begin with, I really wanted to be a mummy and now I have absolutely no faith in myself at all!! I thought I could do it and see lots of other mums doing a great job of things. I wanted to have at least four but because I've been so stressed and anxious my husband says no way, two is enough. So because of me more children won't even be an option. I think nursery would b a good option although I will probably cry and miss her, even if she does stress me out lol

It may just be a phase that will improve when she starts walking - she might be feeling frustrated. My best advice (dd has been a feisty character since birth and has had phases where I'd dread the day too, she's now 17mo) - is to try to have some structure to the day, try to pre-empt attention-seeking by giving focussed attention/play/cuddles for a while before doing the chores etc., and at regular intervals through the day, pick your battles (try not to stress about food, think of ways of minimising battles over nappy changes etc, but obviously be strict about hitting and biting).

I'm not sure nursery would do anything for her behaviour while she's with you, but it might give you a break if you're really at the end of your tether. Don't be hard on yourself, parenting toddlers is difficult and none of us get it right all the time... try just to learn from things that go wrong and move on.

Getting out of the house is crucial imo.

Can you try toddler groups again? Perhaps a more structured one like Tumble Tots of something, where the kids have a focus instead of bashing each other, though tbh if you're worried about her being hurt by other kids, I can't see that nursery would be much better, as the adult to child ratio is likely to be worse not better. Try not to let the odd bump and bash put you off going though. They're all part of learning to socialise and are usually forgotton in minutes.

Take her to the park if you can too. Those all in one waterproof suits are great for crawling babies who'd get filthy otherwise.

Really try to pick your battles re her behaviour. Remove her from the situation and disctract. Nothing else really works at this age.

Accept at mealtimes that you can't make her eat. Don't bother trying to spoonfeed her now, except the odd yoghurt etc. She should be able to manage herself and would probably enjoy trying. Probably no cutlery, just hands at this age.Place food in front of her, remove after 20 mins or so. That's it. Try not to analyse how much she's eaten. Babies are very good at self regulation and will take what they need generally. Mine often pick away at one meal, then each huge amounts at the next. It's fine, very normal.

I feel your pain though - my twins are the same age and also not walking. It's a tricky stage as they're not happy to be stuck in the buggy all the time, but they're not walking either.

We got to various toddler groups - messy play is a hit, we go to the park a lot as they're just getting the hang of the slide and LOVE it! Their favourite thing of all though, is when the two little girls over the road come over. They're 5 and 3 and they'll play with them for hours and give them far more attention than their big brothers do! Got any handy little girls around?

I have an 18month old who's just coming out of this phase! He was really struggling to communicate what he wanted, would get an idea in his head then have a tantrum when he couldn't have it, dropped his morning nap then got over tired. I tried to give him cuddles and comfort but he just threw himself away/on the floor so I had to resort to putting him in his cot to calm down! There was no reasoning with him and he'd do the same thing every day despite my best efforts to avoid it. He's getting better now he can communicate better and is more mobile.
I read the wonder weeks which helps me understand toddler development and work out why they are doing certain things. The idea is just before a big mental or physical development your baby becomes really fussy and clingy. Don't take it personally if your baby is hard work!

Yes, nursery could give you a break but she could be harder work when she's at home.

It could take a 14 month old a long time to settle in a nursery because she is at the age where separation anxiety really kicks in.

Nobody can say for sure and she might love it. I just don't want you to feel let down if that happens.

Is the pregnancy making you feel very tired? I remember feeling unable to cope with much at this stage and every task felt like an enormous mountain to climb. It doesn't last. Later in the pregnancy you could feel very different.

You have months before the baby is born and that is a very long time in your DD's life. She can change a lot in that time. The new language skills she develops could help reduce the tantrums for a start.

You sound quite low and I wonder if a trip to your GP would be a good idea. Depression doesn't have to wait until after the baby is born and it can be treated while you're pregnant.

Don't worry about what your DD eats. Seriously just put the food out and let her get on with it. If she will only eat Cheerios for every meal just go with it but make sure other food is available too. Her diet will improve again at some point. Trying to get a toddler to eat things they don't want to it is an impossible task. The child always wins.

Your job is to offer the food and make eating a relaxed and sociable process. Concentrate on enjoying each other's company, not on what she's eating.