Talking to my 8yr old son about sex...

[kbird]

Erm, not sure how to kick this off. My 8 yr old son has been overheard talking in school about "sexing my mum"...

Cue stunned silence from me when the teacher rang to tell me.

She took him to have a chat, and he said he had been reading Percy Jackson and the like and that there were lots of refs to sex in them, and that his dad and I would not discuss sex with him, so he was using it in his own terms, to be funny.

Dad & I are divorced, but we agreed that it wasn't yet appropriate to go into factual detail about sex. Maybe we were wrong? We have, I think, both talked about sex being a loving act between two people that love each other (...! Erk! Wrong kind of loving relationship though... Honestly, I am weirded out completely that he said it about me. Can't quite look at that fact head on).

Now I have not read the Percy Jackson series. I don't know what's in it. Son reads excellently, has read all Harry Potters, Narnia, PJ series, Diary of Wimpy kid etc etc. I don't know what else to give him to read. Swallows & Amazons seems so dated now he wasn't keen. Obviously we need to address these more adult themes if he is going off to read them.

And I have also to talk to him about how innapropriate it is to talk about me in this way. I am dreading the conv. about the nuts and bolts of sex, as I am in a same sex realtionship, and the last thing I want to get into is what lesbians do in bed! Bad enough when friends drunkenly ask, let alone your own child...

Well yes obviously you and his dad were wrong!!!! However that's not helpful now is it!

Why on earth are you dreading talking to him about this - he will pick up your cues and regard sex and something embarassing and uncomfortable and not to be talked about if you think that.

There are various books out there - search for threads here (I'm past that stage and never bothered with books so can't recommend any). But you need to tell him about male/female sex - and yes of course you say it all happens within the context of a loving relationship - between adults, and sex is when you want to make a baby with someone - so basic convo about eggs and seeds etc, but as it's also a nice thing to do with an adult you love adults do it without wanting to make babies.

And I don't get why you're wierded out by what he said! He's just put two and two together and made 5!

And he probably won't equate sex with you and your female partner anyway, although again if you frame it around grown up cuddles with someone you care about I don't see why that would be a problem.

I've read all the Percy Jacksons, don't remember there being any sex references in them!

DD1 is 8 and knows about sex, but she also went through a brief period of that sort of comment. When i heard i told her that kind of comment was inaccurate and inappropriate, then explained how it works and why. I also made sure she understood that it's not something that happens between family members other than mum and dad.

I can recommend Mummy laid an egg, or Hair in funny places for him to read if you want a starting point.

Yes, perhaps weirded out was the wrong phrase! I wrote that without stopping to really think - just reacted.

I have now calmed down. I don't think the problem is our repressed attitudes to sex, just a general feeling that we had in fact discussed the lovely cuddles aspect and were dodging the bullet for another year or so...

I am off to get him from school now, so will approach him calmly, clutching a seed packed and a box of eggs, ready for action!

Thanks Titchy, much appreciated over here!

I would personally have done it as soon as the opportunity arose. The younger they are, the easier the conversation is. My 4yo and 6yo know that a seed comes from daddy's willy and meets the egg in mummy's tummy etc but they have not actually made the willy in fanjo link. They will very soon and I will tell the and we will all chuckle about it.

Re the lesbian issue, unless you have a child with your partner then I don't think you have too much to explain? Even if you did, you would Just need to say something simple like we both had eggs, so someone else shared their sperm so we could make a baby. Just like a little kid would share a bag of crisps. This is why you need to do the talk soon- it is so much simpler when they are young with no embarrassment and find things funny.

No useful advice I'm afraid apart from you need to have the chat soon! I've also read the Percy Jackson series and can't remember any references to sex in it.