Separation Anxiety - Worst over by 18 months?

[Fazerina]

DS is 16 months and has been having separation anxiety really bad for the past 1 month now or so. We co-sleep and in the beginning of the night he's supposed to sleep on the cot mattress in his own room until we all go to sleep. I breastfeed him to sleep and then creep out of the room, but he usually wakes about 20 minutes after and comes to get me from the living room. I then walk him back and lie next to him sometimes with boobie sometimes without (usually with and he doesn't usually breastfeed, just snuggles up next to it - and no, he won't settle without the boobie:(..). This goes on about every 20 minutes or so until I give up and go to the big bed with him, where I sit and work on my laptop until late.. Often DH tries to settle him during the evening, but he will just get to the point where he's complitely hysterical and only I will do. He's always slept poorly in the beginning part of the evening, I suppose because he's used to sleeping with mummy, but before he would only wake up once or twice before we all went to sleep, so I gather it's more to do with separation anxiety right now. Plus he has all the other classic symptoms during the day: clingyness when we go to play groups and panics if I leave the room there or get out of his sight for a few seconds etc.

Anyway, I'm going to start a course next month (studying at home), which will hopefully get me a better job working evenings outside from the home. I'm planning to start applying for such roles in about a year's time. I'm just a bit concerned about DS.. I've heard the worst bout of separation anxiety usually passes by the time they are 18 months. Is this true? I'm aware of the fact that they still will experience bouts of it here and there, but hopefully nothing as intense and I'm hoping by then DH would also do.. I'm planning to breasfeed until 2 and we're planning for DH to start putting DS to bed next spring when he's nearing his second birthday so he would be well used to it by the time I'd start working outside of the home. I just want some opinions as to how realistic I could be with him learning to settle with DH by the time he'll be a bit over 2 and I won't be at home evenings..?

Anyone..?

I don't think you can do anything except leave the house for the evening. DS will only go to sleep with me there. Always been like it (bf as a baby and bf to sleep for 10 months, then would only fall asleep on me with dummy). He still is, won't let DH any where near him. Unless I am not it. It was a rocky first few attempts (think trashed flat, emptied kitchen cupboards, smashed glassware...) one heart stopping moment for DH when he thought DS had jumped off the balcony...) but he will now go to bed without me, but, as I said, only if I am not actually in the flat.

Really don't know about the co-sleeping. We switched DS to a single bed at 2, so maybe making a big big thing of letting him choose 'big boy' bedding decorating room etc you can get him to settle in his own bed and keep returning him there and tell him that this is his special bed and where he sleeps now and he might be more accepting of you not being there.

DD1 would only sleep with me for the best part of 14 months until I was pregnant with DD2. We decided then it would be easier if DH put DD1 to bed from then onwards to give her time. She cried so hard for about a week, but eventually settled with DH. Although it would start over again if he was away for a couple of nights. Now she's almost three, she still prefers me to put her to bed, but there are no hysterics even if DH does go away.

Thanks for replying!

So I guess the answer to my question in the heading is a resounding no !

I've been really lazy with any sort of sleep training and to be honest, I probably would give up after a day or two if it proved to be worse than the problem itself.. But I guess if I do get an evening job, it would still outweigh any out of this world show DS might put on for DH, as I would still get to spend the best part of the day with him.. And DS will have to accept DH at bedtime eventually anyway, because I'm getting really frustrated with never being able to go anywhere in the evening..

You say studying for a course, but at home. Any chance you could spend 1 evening a week at a library/somewhere else?
If you do try something, then don't just try for a day or two, give it at least a week -10 days

Yes, it's a distance learning course.. That's a good idea, thanks! Initially we had thought I would go to the library on Saturdays during the day, as I'm mostly working in the evenings, but I think we should definitely try me doing the studying in the evening instead..

I guess it'll have to wait a few months though, as I'm not too keen on implementing any major changes right now, because DS is clearly suffering from the separation anxiety...

It's funny really, a few months back I was really desperate for a breather and tired of DS poor sleep in the evenings, but now I feel sort of resigned and numb about the whole thing. I know I should be far more determined in trying to get him to sleep better, but I just can't seem to get myself to do it. It's probably because I'm so tired most of the time of staying up late at night trying to catch up on work. Hence the idea of trying to find something else, but in such a way that we wouldn't have to spend too much on childcare..

With DD1 I was anxious about bedtimes and "getting it right". But with DD2, I realised life is too short and they don't stay young forever. So I've learnt to enjoy cuddles and soothing them. DH and I have ended up co-sleeping with both in the knowledge they won't want us a few years down the line!

That's true, I've started to think about the time when he will resent me giving him a cuddle in front of his friends etc. It helps trying to give things some perspective..

In any case, it's not the co-sleeping that's the problem, I just hope he would accept DH at one point and I guess he'll have to learn to co-sleep with DH as well, at least before I come home from work.. We do all sleep in the same bed already, but I'm between DS and DH. I'm hoping all this would be easier when I no longer breastfeed.. That's another thing I'll be looking for advice on here probably when the time comes:)..