Wwyd re nursery/playgroup? Any ideas?

[toomuchtooyoung]

my heart and instincts tell me i shouldnt be pushing her to go, everyone else says she's playing me and I should carry on trying to take her and she'll settle eventually.

Over the past few weeks my dd had some settling in days at a nursery with a view to going 2 mornings a week.

• The first two times she was fine, happy and I left her on her own for a few hours too.
• The third time they called me to collect her as she just wouldn't settle.
• The fourth time she dragged her heels going, cried when we arrived and was generally reluctant to be there, although did enjoy herself at times, I stayed with her for 2 hours, but as soon as it was hometime she ran to the door.
• The fifth time she had a complete melt down I asked her to put shoes and socks on. When we did make it out if the door she dragged her heels (its near enough to walk) when we neared the turning for the road but picked up happily when she realised we weren't going near playgroup
• yesterday I engineered a walk past the playgroup and as we approached she started saying 'no,no, home'.. No tears but a bit whimpery. We went home.

Some background:

• dd is nearly 2, new ds arrived nearly 7 weeks ago. She adores him, but isl likely feeling a bit jealous
• possibly teething a molar after 2nd visit
• she doesn't have to go in terms of me needing to work, but i do need some rest with 2 under 2 and thought it would be good for her to play and interact with kids her own age
• Since birth we hadn't been back to her two usual classes, ones where I stayed

I feel that maybe she is too young and there have been too many changes recently and this is just too much. In laws and dh telling me she's getting her own way, she'll be fine after a few weeks and needs some mummy free time.

I don't want to force her to go, i want her to look forward to it. Would I be better off waiting a few months then trying again or will she remember?

Could you find a cm who goes to local classes/ groups that she could go to a couple of times a week?

That way you would get the break you need and she would get out and about with other children without having to face the 'big' environment of nursery?

Aww, I wouldn't send her yet (and I say that as someone who had two under 2 this time last year, so I understand your need for rest!!)

Sorry, ds pressed send button too soon
Anyway, she is so young and, if anything, needs more mummy time since the new baby arrived. I would take her out again for another few months at least.

Its tricky, as you have already taken her a few times I'd be inclined to persevere but maybe I'm mean. It can take a while for them to settle. However she is still v.young. My youngest is 2.5 and is having her 2nd preschool session today. She still seems like my baby!
I agree with pp that maybe a childminder could be an environment more suited to your little one. Good luck, whatever you decide.

I don't think that a child of that age has the intellectual capacity to "play" you- I'd be inclined to believe that she is genuinely upset. However, I'm sure she would settle if you carry on. I wouldn't keep on taking her, with the baby being so young and everything- She's probably feeling excluded already. However, I don't think you'd be a bad mother for persevering.

I would wait, and try again when she's a bit older and things haven't just changed do much for her (and you!)

Thanks all, think you've generally cemented my thoughts. I'll see what the childminding options are, although tbh i'd feel guilty that they were doing something with dd that I should be.
I should really learn to trust my instincts!

If getting her own way is not being sent off to somewhere she doesn't want to be twice a week then I think she should have her own way. She has very little to gain from being in a group Early Years setting at her age. She most certainly doesn't need 'Mummy free time'.

Could you get a local teenager to come and help you at home for a few hours a week instead?

She won't process the events as you giving in to her unless someone tells her that was what happened. She will probably just forget about it unless you walk past the place.

If you try again in a year or so and she enjoys it she will want to go. Problem solved.

It may be that your in laws pushed their children into attending and feel that there's in implied criticism of their parenting if you don't do the same.