6 year old DD so angry...hitting, screaming etc

[HerRoyalVagisty]

How do I cope with her? She is Jekyll and Hyde -loving and polite one minute and then the slightest thing can set her off and she's writhing around the floor, legs kicking and she is SCREAMING her head off.

She is very bad at doing what she's told at the moment too. She ignores me. I get cross. She won't budge. She then tries telling me what to do and it becomes a battle of wills which invariably ends up with her hitting me with her hand or something else and then I lose the plot with her.

This happens almost every night, screaming so loud, thrashing about the place in protest.

Nearly every day we fall out over her behaviour. She is totally defiant. She will only do things on her own terms and I'm sick and tired of it.

I know I'm doing it all wrong. I know there is a better approach with children like this but I seem to have lost my way.

Does anyone have any advice?

She's a girl, say no more
Seriously though, it is all about how you deal with her. My dd (dc2 out of 4), was, from 2 weeks old, awkward stubborn and demanding. It took years to realise that I couldn't change her or her ways. Her personality is who and what she is. I had to learn to accept she may not be as 'nice' as I'd like, but her personality is her and it will stand her in good stead one day! You need to remain calm, not shout, and be consistent with behaviour expectations and punishments. You need to stop the physical abuse from her immediately, let her know how unacceptable that is. You cannot allow her to do that. Next it's just a case of basic discipline, letting her know (and reminding her) how you expect her to behave. But be realistic in your expectations. Don't constantly nag her, let some things go and praise lots ...

Same pattern is emerging with ds, who is also 6. Am feeling very down about it, as he kept up hitting and screaming all the way to school this morning. His behaviour was lovely all day yesterday, polite and helpful etc. This morning =nightmare. He didn't even calm down on the way into school and was still raging at me in front of his teacher, which never happens.

I wish I had some helpful advice. Sometimes I spot something I think will throw him into a tantrum and he responds thoughtfully and calmly - other times something I never would have thought was an issue will cause the worst meltdown ever.

Sorry I have no helpful advice. You're not alone, though.

Thank you Frazzled and sorry to hear you're in a similar boat Golden.

It all kicked off again this evening. I went out at 7pm to Weight Watchers as I always do on Tuesdays, said goodnight to her before I left, all was well. An hour later I got a call from DH. I could hear her screaming in the background. He said she won't go to bed because I didn't say goodnight to her. She apparently bit him, hit him and threw things all over the room.

The screaming is piercing and relentless. I've tried walking away but she gets louder and if I don't respond she will scream louder and for longer AND she'll throw things/slam doors/hit and scratch.

I'm so depressed with it all.

"Room, come back when you want to be nice"

Like Frazzeled's DD it is DD2s character to be very stubborn and expect the world to revolve around her.

At 6 she'd get herself in such a strop there was no good reasoning with her, she simply had to leave and cool down.

Sometimes she'd disappear for 10 minutes sometimes DD1 and I would forget about her for ages. She'd have forgotten she was cross and be playing nicely.

That is the flip side to DD2 when she is good, she is very, very good (fortunately this is the only side of her school ever sees), but when she is "bad" she is horrid.

I haven't said "room" for quite a while, she's now 11. she can still be horrid and she's still just as determined, but she doesn't strop quite so uncontrollably. Last time she did fly in to a rage about nothing she even said sorry, without being asked.

I have the same problem with my almost 6yo son, for the last couple of months he has been a bit of a mare, culminating with getting a red card on the second day of year 1 for managing to hurt another boy "play fighting".

Coincidentally the other day I read a post on here really spelling out the whole "praise, praise, Praise" mantra, how you need to make 6 positive comments for every 1 negative, I have heard this before, but it didn't really seem realistic iyswim (wtf was I going to praise), but she explained that it created a virtuous circle (sorry random mner I can't remember your name).

I was pretty down about it all but thought I would give it a go, I started with setting out expectations and going overboard with praise for any bits that were met, I'm trying to be more positive in general, less shouting and nagging, really bigging them up, going totally overboard with praise, engaging with them more rather than just expecting them to comply.

I have to say, a week in it's bloody working, obviously it's early days yet, I'm not perfect, neither are they, but as a template to go by, I'm going to stick with it.

Try doing something she wants to do, then when she behaves well whilst doing it, praise her lots and lots, have chats about team work, make a joke of it when she ignores you initially (I have a magic key which makes ears work ).

Honestly my 3 have driven me to sobbing on the bus and basically wanting to chuck myself under it before now.

What can you do when you're out in public and she goes wild, screaming, hitting, pulling your clothes and you don't have the option of leaving the place? How can you calm her down there and then when nothing works? Really nothing at all

Sorry about the hijack OP. I am in the same predicament. I almost cried in front of a garage full of car mechanics today