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Very clingy 10 month old

7 replies

BikeRunSki · 09/09/2012 21:54

DD is ten months old (I also have a DS who was 4 this week, don't know if this is relevant). She will only settle with me and cries if she can't see me. She's not even bf!!!! She is desperately trying to walk, cruising like a pro, but if she's fed up of that wants to be carried - by me. Bursts into wails and tears if I put her down. If DH picks her up, she turns round and reaches out to me. I am exhausted and DH fed up. He is withdrawing from her and grumpy with her. I have tried to tell him that this won't help her warm to him, but either he doesn't try or doesn't get it. I have tried to get him to bath her, dress her etc with me sitting in.... but if I am there she just wants me, and if I am not she wails.... DH can not put her to bed or settle her. DH is often out the house 7am-7pm so she and he sometimes have days where they don;t see each other.

I have been on maternity leave since she was born, and won't be going back to work until she is 15 months old (cheaper to take unpaid leave than have two in childcare and park in Leeds). My nearest family is 250 miles away and most of my local friends work, so she has hardly ever been left with anyone, but this is through circumstance rather than choice. I'd love to leave her for a few hours!!!! She wakes up about 5.30am everyday (a good two hours earlier than I can cope with) and then wants me in her sights. She is doing attachment parenting without my permission!

I am exhuasted and shouty. DS gets the brunt of it (he has issues with eating, and I now have no tolerance at all for his bad behaviour). DH is fed up. I don't know what to do. I walked out in my pyjamas and bare feet this morning and headed for the train station.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
k2togm1 · 09/09/2012 22:47

Sad bikerunsky sorry you had to post this, don't really know what to do but didn't want to read and run as they say.

Perhaps give up and become an attachment parent? Wink
Seriously, remind yourself that she's not trying to manipulate you, if she is clingy she probably needs your presence for some reason at this particular developmental stage (it's and phase, repeat).
Has she always been like this?
hope some good advice comes this way soon!

BikeRunSki · 09/09/2012 22:49

She's always been a bit clingy, was getting better, then had Chicken Pox and was back to where she started. But that was 2 months ago now!

OP posts:
MigGril · 10/09/2012 08:03

The answer is she is 10 months. Around 9 months babies realise they are separate from you and you can leave them. she cries as she is worried you won't come back. All babies go through this some are a lot worse then others. leaving her isn't the answer, cuddle her make sure if you do leave her it's only for short times to start with. When she finally realises you will always come back it should charm down.

It's a developmental miles stone and it will pass.

IShallPracticeMyCurtsey · 10/09/2012 08:09

My 7.5 month old is like this but with me, DP, and her childminder. She hates everyone else! Hates! But DP is secretly smug that she is so needy with him as well as with me, he too is gone almost all day but does bath every single night. Nothing for it but for your Dh to commit to a programme of Dad-bath/bottle over a few weeks. It won't happen overnight but he needs to be an adult about this so that you can get a break and DD can enjoy her time with him.

k2togm1 · 10/09/2012 12:26

Been thinking. Do you bring her in the bed with you in the mornings? That might give you some extra time in bed. Also, what time does she go to bed? I prefer for my ds to go to bed later and therefore up later too, and the would perhaps allow your dh to do bath?

diyqueen · 10/09/2012 13:44

My dd has always been clingy, and we kind of ended up doing the attachment parenting thing without having set out to. I sympathise, can remember those days of just carrying a needy little person round all day and having no personal space... Agree that taking her into your bed in the morning might be worth a go if she'll settle that way? And please make sure you do something for you in the evenings, a nice meal in with your dh or a quick drink/catch up with friends if practical?

My dp found the rejection v hard too, what has helped is him making a real effort to do 'fun' stuff with dd, rough and tumble play etc. - she now associates him with play and having a good time and things are improving greatly. 'Mama' is still her favourite word and I can't go to the loo on my own without all hell breaking loose... but I can leave her with dp for short periods, I think she's starting to understand I'll come back.

On the upside at 18mo dd is a really affectionate, sensitive little girl who has a really good bond with me and increasingly with dp, and she's got a lot more independent and confident as well.

BlablaSos · 10/09/2012 19:47

My dd went through a couple of months of this, she is now better but still quite clingy. It's nothing you are doing wrong, some babies are just like this. My Dh didn't see her much either so he started making an effort to get on the floor and play with her after work and it improved a bit. Also making it fun for her to be passed between us. I.e. "here comes mummy" and flying her through the air to me let her know that he wasn't taking her away from me. Your dp will have to make the effort though.

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