5 year old gets very frustrated and easily gives up when she can't do something

[pickledraisins]

My 5 year old dd is driving us mad when it comes to doing something new that she isn't good at yet - anything from bike riding and tennis to drawing pictures and shapes. Instead of accepting help, trying to get better and practising she just reverts to toddler tantrum mode and stomps off in a huff. We've tried patience and encouragement, dissapointment and telling off, and now seem to be reverting to toddler tantrums ourselves and stomping off in a huff, not good!

Is this norm 5 year old behaviour - I haven't seen it much in her friends? Will she grow out of it? Any suggestions we could try?
Any advice appreciated x

Oh, I have one of these! DD (just turned 6) has the same problem. We think hers stems from a very strong perfectionist tendency and a generally stroppy nature as she can also get very upset when things aren't perfect. I don't have much constructive advice so will be watching to see if anyone else comes on with some! However, I have just sat down with her teacher and he's going to work on this with her and try and 'challenge her boundaries' (not really sure what this entails!) so she gets more accepting when things don't go right first time.

no advice, but eagerly awaiting the responses!

No no constructive advice whatsoever. My five year old son is exactly the same. I despair.

Mine does this. The first time he tries to do something new and can't do it first time I get ''I can't do it''

Sometimes I think if you regularly give lots and lots of praise when your DC achieves something then they get too obsessed with always succeeding. IYSWIM. Can you pre-warn him before he tries to do anything that you think he might struggle with that you are pleased he is attempting it but that he mustn't behave badly if he can't do it. Just keep on reminding him that it is bad behaviour to have a strop.

One of my now teenage DC's used to be Perfectly OK with not being able to do things straight away, he would persevere until he got whatever it was he had to master. I think it helped him enormously. He was also happy not to win at board games etc. However, youngest used to get so frustrated when she couldn't do something to her her rather high standards. She used to refuse to be helped. 'i can do it myself' was probably the first sentence. She is now 16 and still insists on doing things her way and without help. Its good that she has high standards but she stresses everyone out when she doesn't think she is achieving what she should.

I have one of these, he is 7. Fortunately for me, his granny is similar (she doesn't have toddler tantrums!) and so we occasionally have a chat about how (for example) granny doesn't want to learn how to send emails so we send them to grandad instead (incidentally this is a hugely frustrating process usually leading to me phoning to ask if he's passed on whatever incomprehensible bit of knitting info I want her to know - I might as well write a bloody letter). In ds' view, Granny should be willing to try new things - which is handy, since this is what I intend to say to him next time!

The only other thing I find useful is to remind him of things he used to find hard but now he can do - but if he's got discouraged by this point it can be too little too late. I leave it a bit and then suggest we have another try. Sports day at school, for those of you whose kids are too young to have inflicted this on you yet, is torture. When ds was in reception he gave up half way through the sack race and had to be carried - in a sack - to the end by the headmaster.

I keep telling my dd the story of a spider who tries and tries again to make a web even after failing many many times. It seems to be working so far. I try all sorts really from bribery (stickers/toys/one more episode of octonaghts). So far so good (thankfully).

My ds would note that we use the Dustbuster on spiders like that, Silibili

DD1 is like this. I'm a bit of a bully and keep her going until she's at least given whatever it is a decent go (writing neatly, riding a bike, new karate move etc etc). I just wait out her strop then calmly ask her to try again. It takes the patience of a saint, but usually she will try in the end, and also succeed. So then we have a talk about how if she hadn't made such a fucking song and dance about it all and just got on with it, it would all have been over by now!!

For the most part, she is very proud of herself when she does finally get it right. And each time it happens, for a short time she is a bit more brave as she remembers how well the time before went.

And them it all starts again... sigh!!!

I had one of those but Usain Bolt solved the problem for me!

He heard the story about how he didn't train much and turned up to races and did well but then decided he needed to try and trained really hard and now he is the fastest man in the world!

This really caught him and now when he gets frustrated I just have to say 'remember Usain Bolt' and he gives it another go

AnnieLobeseder. I agree that it is ok to make them push themselves sometimes. It's also ok to not be that good at things too. There is nothing wrong with being inthe B team sometimes

tripbot. . If only I could keep up! The buggers!

Lolwhut - quite right, we can't all be geniuses at everything (present company excepted, of course ). Children need to know that trying and failing (or just not being very good) is fine, but they still have to try. Otherwise, how will they know?

My DD1 is 5 next month and exactly the same. Massive meltdown in the swing park because she can't swing and climb as well as other children. Tries something once then gives up in frustration because she can't do it perfectly first time.

I often find that she gives it another go when no one is watching then comes back being competent in whatever the skill is. I find it is often better if I take a step back from it. She also accepts help from teachers or friends better than me and DH.

It is very frustrating. Gets it from her perfectionist father.

Thanks all, good to know we're not the only ones and at least she hasn't been carried off in a sack yet:) I was hoping someone would say its a phase, but if grannies are still behaving like this apparently not. Oh well, we will try and find some more patience and inspiring stories!

Yes, I want to stress my mum is not behaving like a stroppy child :) And she did learn to drive when me and my brother were about 8 and 6 so had to put up with us in the back seat going 'no mummy you're turning the steering wheel the wrong way to reverse round the corner' etc. So she has stuck at things she's found difficult in the past, but is definitely still capable of getting a very fixed idea about things she can and can't do.

I have this too with DS (now 6). I had a horrible realization about a year ago that his behaviour often mirrored mine. I am not that happy to try new things ('oh, why don't you ask Daddy to do that for/with you' etc) and that DS was copying my reaction when things don't go well - getting inappropriately cross etc. I have made efforts to moderate my language and to point out when I am trying new things and not that good at them, but show how I am improving. DS is getting better at it. Second, most definitely, the poster who said will take instruction from someone who is not a parent. In our house Grandma has quite a lot of success, but best is comparison to other (usually slightly older child) - oh, did you see XXX riding their bike to school this morning etc. My next campaign is to get him to learn to ride a bike!