Aagh - need to debrief!

[DecafSkinnySausage]

Just had the most immense fight with my 20m DS which ended in him vomiting spectacularly and me bursting into tears :( I'm sure many toddlers are the same by he is sooo difficult to discipline - and trust me I do pick my battles as I know what he is like....

So: dinner this evening, was preparing some melon for pudding but he stood up in his highchair (not a new trick but not really tackled it before) - told him no, dangerous and he wouldn't get any melon if he did it again (said twice and I think pretty clearly). Stood up again so took him out of chair and said he wasn't getting any melon - cue massive tantrum.

Tried distracting, removing to a different room, ignoring. Ran bath as he usu likes this and thought would be good distraction - screamed throughout. Ditto for the rest of bedtime routine. Screaming escalating despite everything I tried - being calm, being strict, singing songs. Eventually had to wrestle him into pyjamas as he just would not calm down and thought I would just put him in bed and leave him to it - then the huge vomit (which obviously contained everything as far back as lunch). Worried would therefore wake up due to hunger so have just given him oatcakes and milk in his bedroom, total no-no.

All over a piece of melon!!! Is this normal? He just seems to hold a massive grudge and once he starts a tantrum he can't seem to stop it (without vomiting). Help please!

Were you calm throughout or did he know you were rattled?

i think punishing a 20mth old by withholding food is a big no-no

he can't understand danger without experiencing it, so if he's likely to try to get out, put extra reins on him as well as the 5point harness on the chair

I think it is too much to expect a 20 months old to be able to think through not getting the melon IYSWIM.

I think he's too young to get it.

I think what I might have done (with very old head on my shoulders) is to take the child and sit him on my lap while he had his melon.

Obviously this wouldn't be a long term solution if he were to take a complete dislike to his high hair, but for an otherwise placid child, I think it would be OK.

Yes in retrospect it was obviously not the battle to pick and usually I keep off food as I agree it shouldn't be a battle ground. Interesting you think he is too young.

I suppose I am just thinking it is about time that he gets some limits set as in general he tends to overreact whenever he is told "no" so we tend to give in. Hasn't helped that we have just spent the day with an extremely well-behaved toddler who always does as he is told!

knowsabit - I was calm for quite a long time init but didn't seem to be working so tried a bit of a shout. Definitely knew I was rattled when I burst into tears! - but interestingly then he settled down

Try not to beat yourself up over it, unless it's a daily occurrence.

The good thing is, like labour pains, you forget all about it once the phase has passed.

I'm from the "try not to back yourself into a corner" school of parenting.

Sounds like he's a complete character

Only you can judge whether he hadn't go the consequence until it was too late or whether he was so frustrated/angry that you followed through...

I'd have been tempted to walk off and let the tantrum diffuse a bit and then offer a cuddle, however you know your child and how he reacts.